Leaders, Employees Aren’t Your Friends: Being “Liked” Is Bad For Business.

Leadership is people-driven; It’s vital to build relationships with your team. Leaders serve as the beacon of hope, motivation, reliance, assertiveness, humility, and transparency for their team. Leadership's guidance sets their team apart from the next, while leadership style determines how well a team will perform.?

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The process of building relationships with staff can be difficult if you aren’t sure how to go about connecting with your team. When we think about how a relationship starts, we might consider how liked you are and how much you like a person- relationships start with connection. But in business, this connection is different.

A friendship is not rooted in hierarchy, and that’s where employee-leadership relationships take a different call to action.??

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All leaders know the impact of what they do and what it can mean for business success. In a leader’s mind, it might make sense to get the whole team to like you above all other things to get expected results, but the truth of the matter is that being "liked" won’t get you the outcome you want.??

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The sole purpose of building employee-leadership relationships isn’t in hopes of being “liked.” You build these relationships to connect with your team to a point in which you understand them, how they work, their quirks, personalities, their strengths, and their weaknesses. Being liked isn’t the goal- connection is.???

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Finding common ground between you and your team members and having a shared mission, purpose, and values are the root of successful employee-leadership relationships.???

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Leaders, do you think...??

• being liked by the team is important.??
• your team’s liking of you categorizes you as a great leader.??
• you are friends with your team members.??
• you go out of your way to make your team like you.?
• You want to be liked so much that you do things a leader shouldn’t.???

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If you answered yes to any of the above choices, this post is for you.??

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I’m here to tell you that being liked isn’t what it’s cracked out to be and might be causing more problems than good in your workplace- From poor team collaboration, poor communication, frequent employee conflicts, toxic behaviors, and lack of motivation, your business could be suffering their competitive edge and brand reputation all for the sake of being liked.??

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Being Liked is Bad for Business: Is it really important?????

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As leaders, we all want to be liked. Being liked helps dynamics between yourself and your team members and feels good. No one wants to be hated, and if you do, leading might not be the job for you- But as vital as being liked is to your leadership ego, your need to be liked could be hurting your work culture.??

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So you’re probably wondering, “How is being liked bad for business?”?

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Well, the answer lies in your overcommitment to be friends with your team. The leader isn’t supposed to be “friends” with their team. The leader is meant to be courteous, not demeaning. Helpful, not neglectful and humble, not egotistical- They follow when needed but are assertive when required; If you are friends with your team you simply can’t be all of those things.

One thing about being a leader is that how you lead has to be fair. You can’t play favorites, and you must do what’s needed to succeed, regardless of what the outcomes might be. You can't allow your decisions to be ruled by whether or not your team will “like” you.???

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Leadership & Team Relationships?

The role of a leader is not an easy one. It takes more than a team’s liking of you to be effective and requires leadership to do what’s right for the masses and not one particular individual.??

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In a business relationship between leadership and the team, the foundation of the relationship should be rooted in a shared mission and goal accomplishment-? This is the opposite of a relationship with a friend. A friendship is rooted in commonality; common interests, personalities, views, etc. The difference between the two is a professional work relationship ends when office hours do. A personal bond you create with another like-minded individual is constant and based on likeability.

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As much as leaders should get to know their team’s quirks, personalities, strengths, weaknesses, etc., there is a fine line between this and friendship. You learn things about your team to better understand how they operate, what they need to succeed, and how their differences contribute to the function of the team- But this shouldn’t be confused with building friendships. You aren’t creating personal relationships with your team members.??

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Don’t Confuse Building a Strong Team with Building Friendships.?

Being friendly, kind, compassionate, and empathetic is important, but creating relationships based on friendship isn’t the ideal scenario for leaders, business owners, or entrepreneurs. Boundaries need to be created by the leader. You can still get to know your team without being their best friend.??

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Leaders think they need to be over-friendly to get things done, but results won’t be made if your team views you as a friend and not a leader. Stop thinking you have to be friends with your team to get results. In reality, finding a balance between assertiveness, compassion, delegation, and kindness is vital to a performative team and getting expected outcomes- This leads to respect, and respect is needed in the workplace. If you want results take a different approach to leading. Do this by assessing what’s currently going on in your workplace and making the appropriate changes.??

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Questions to help you make a change in your workplace:??

• Are the friendships I have with my team helping or hurting the workplace???
• Can every member of my team talk to me with ease???
• Do I offer everyone on the team help???
• Am I too reliant on how my team feels about me???
• Do I let feelings interfere with leading???
• Are all deadlines being met???
• How are team dynamics???
• Does my workplace exude toxic behaviors???

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As the leader, you have to remain professional, not personal. There can be no confusion between the two.??

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Friends Are Equal. A Leader & Employee Are Not.?

A leader is the decision maker, and when making decisions it's easy to skew judgment when you are friends with the team.??

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You can’t pay people and be friends, it just doesn’t work. Common characteristics of employee-leadership relationships include favoritism, unfair raises, promotions, and taking part in ineffective office gossip- These all result in workplace complications.???

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An example of why it’s difficult for leadership and their team to be friends: Terminating employees- If you are friends with your team, how do you let them go when they exhibit behaviors that bring toxicity into the workplace???

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Letting a team member go is never easy, but it's part of being in a leadership role. Sometimes we have to terminate people, and adding the element of friendship to the termination process makes the situation more difficult than it already is- Whatever the reason you have to let employees go, you will be more prone to let go of people who don’t deserve it because your friends with the people who do deserve it.??

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Friendships between leaders and employees are one of the most ineffective things leaders can do. Be likable yes, but going out of your way to be liked won’t do anything but create an ineffective workplace and poor company culture.??

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If you still aren’t sold on why you shouldn’t be friends with your team, below are more reasons to add to your “Friendships With My Team Members Are Bad Checklist.”?

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Reasons why friendships with your team don’t work:??

• Partiality???
• Disproportionate treatment?
• Personal challenges of friendships can hurt the work process (arguments, disagreements, etc.)?
• Inability to fire/let go of your “friends”??
• Acceptance of inappropriate behavior??
• The team won’t take your leadership position seriously??
• Giving criticism or feedback becomes harder??
• Stagnant workplace??
• Focused on being liked instead of leading effectively?
• Team doesn’t trust you because you’re biased?

Stop thinking you must be the "most liked person" to be a successful leader. This is the biggest myth in leadership tactics and style.??

Your team doesn’t want you as a friend. They want an empathetic leader who inspires, motivates, and respects them. Leadership is about building culture. When you are building your company culture, you get to know employees enough to understand them and actively build a work connection with them, but that’s it. You shouldn’t know every unnecessary detail about your team, and you shouldn’t be doing social things with team members outside of the office that's not a team building activity- It blurs the needed line between a leader and an employee.?

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No one wants to be best friends with their boss, but they do want to know that their boss appreciates them, respects them, and treats them well. It’s up to you as the leader to find a balance between these characteristics and lead accordingly.??

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Leading a team is a hard process- It’s never-ending, and your tactics need to change as your team does. It’s one of the most complex and difficult, yet rewarding jobs. Figuring out what works best for you, your workplace, and your team will help you be the effective leader your business needs to create and sustain success.???

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Employee-leadership relationships are ineffective and simply not fair- They cause rifts in the work environment and promote low productivity. Root for everyone, get to know everyone, be available when needed, be empathetic, be motivational, inspire your team to utilize their creativity and innovative qualities, and then get out of their way. As the leader, befriending your team members is problematic and should be avoided.?

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If you remember anything from this, remember to be friendly, not friends, and aim for being likable, not liked.??