Leaders, don’t keep your feedback a secret

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Giving feedback can be a challenging part of a leader’s job, especially when it’s likely to result in a difficult conversation. But shying away from real-time feedback can lead to significant missed opportunities for team alignment and individual development. When employees are unaware of their shortcomings, it leads to confusion and frustration, and it can keep them from effectively leveraging their strengths as well. Long term, this lack of communication breeds a sense of disconnection and frustration, undermining morale and resulting in misunderstandings and misaligned expectations.?

If this is something you struggle with, you’re not alone. Many, many of my clients have faced similar challenges. For example, my client Andrew found that when performance reviews came along, one of his employees was surprised to receive lower performance reviews than she’d expected. He knows that’s on him, yet he finds that what feedback he does give doesn’t seem to elicit any change in behavior. As Andrew says, it “goes in one ear and out the other.”?

Another client, Emily, had a difficult time giving feedback to one of her employees because he would become agitated and despondent after receiving it. This has been going on for the last six months, and is now coming to a head as the company is looking to hire someone above him as an intermediary, but the lack of feedback led this employee to believe that he was well–suited for this more senior role. And why wouldn’t he? Emily has never communicated that he isn’t.?

Without the clarity and direction that real-time feedback provides, both individual and organizational growth are stifled, making it difficult to achieve long-term success and maintain a competitive edge. Here’s how you can ensure that the feedback you give will be received well and effective —?using real client examples — only the names have been changed to protect the innocent (yes, that was a Dragnet reference).??

Better relationships create more effective feedback

When feedback is given, it’s not just the content that determines how it is received; the context and the relationship between the giver and receiver is also critical. Feedback is most effective when employees perceive it as being delivered with positive intent. It’s critical that employees have a clear understanding of the motive and role of feedback, and that you are providing a psychologically safe space for them to hear it. Creating an environment where feedback is both welcomed and recognized as being for the employee’s benefit is essential.

We all want to feel valued as individuals , and small acts like a casual conversation over coffee or taking a few minutes before a meeting to connect on a personal level can help build trust between you and your team. These? “deposits” in your relationship bank can go a long way to ensure that your feedback is received in the spirit of growth and improvement. Creating agreements with your team about the intent of feedback, as well as how often, when, and where it should take place, will also support establishing mutual trust. That way, there are no surprises and everyone knows what’s coming. When creating those agreements, don’t forget to make space for your employees to give you feedback, too.?

Ask yourself: What can I do today to further trust with my team? What will I see, hear, and observe differently if I’m successful in garnering greater trust?

Real-time feedback 101

So, how can leaders provide real-time feedback effectively? First, it requires commitment and intentionality. Setting aside dedicated time for feedback, such as a short debriefing session after a presentation or meeting, can make a substantial difference. They don’t have to be long, five or ten minutes can suffice. Real-time feedback will be much clearer to your team member than if you had waited until next week’s one-on-one to deliver the message. During these conversations, discuss what went well, what could be improved, and what you’ll both do differently moving forward. Your direct report may also have feedback for you, like “let me respond to client’s questions first and if it seems like I’m struggling, then jump in.”?

If providing real-time feedback is new to you, it's helpful to communicate this shift to your team.?

My client, Larry, found that his feedback was often perceived as “micromanaging,” and the misunderstanding of his intentions led to resistance and defensiveness from his team. With more communication about his objectives, this friction could have been avoided. Let them know that you are implementing this practice as part of your own development, and encourage open dialogue. You can even blame me and this article as a catalyst for your new behavior! ??

Despite your efforts, not all feedback will be well-received, yet don’t let that discourage you. Terry was perceived by his employees to be harsh and abrupt, so much so that they went out of their way to avoid working with him. When Terry found out, he stopped giving feedback altogether. Instead, he began making changes to documents and deliverables himself, sharing the corrected versions with his employees later. This approach didn’t do much to help them grow, however, and it created a disconnect between expectations and outcomes.?

When you do give feedback, observe the other person’s reaction. In Terry’s case, if he observes a negative reaction (let say a sigh, or pursed lips) he’s going to acknowledge it. A simple question like, "I noticed you seemed to react to what I said. What's coming up for you?" can open up a dialogue and prevent misunderstandings or resentment from festering. Terry has also learned to be more aware of how he’s feeling, and will take a 5-minute walk outside when he’s feeling stressed or overwhelmed. This helps him to return in a better frame of mind, more able to have a productive conversation with the employee.?

Ultimately, no employee should be surprised by their performance review. As a leader, you're responsible for developing your team, and feedback is a crucial component of that process. If employees aren't open to receiving and giving feedback, it may indicate broader organizational issues that need addressing.

Ask yourself: What changes do I need to make in order to carve out space for real-time feedback??

Incorporating real-time feedback into your leadership approach is not just about correcting mistakes but fostering an environment of continuous learning and improvement. By doing so, you create a more engaged, informed, and aligned team ready to tackle challenges and achieve collective goals. As Benjamin Franklin said, “Without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievement, and success have no meaning.”

What kind of leader do you want to be? Let’s talk about it.?

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