Leaders Build Culture & Trust

I started the phone call sitting at my desk in my command post, but was quickly standing 'At Attention.'

Why??

Because my Battalion Commander was yelling at me on the other end of the line and had just asked if I was standing at attention while he was talking to me over the phone.

To which I replied, “No, sir.”

To which he replied, “Well then you'd better stand at attention, right now!”

To which I then said, “Roger that sir, standing at attention now.”

As I write this, I can feel my heart pounding in my chest, my cortisol levels spiking, anger…no, not just anger, there is still a bit of rage in there...still…

After more than ten years…a decade...I can still feel the way that he made me feel...

Honestly, it’s taking me a moment to let my heart rate come down right now as I write this.

Ever have a toxic leader like that?

One who puts you on your heels and in a defensive mode every time they speak to you, trying to pick you apart?

You know you are doing your best, you know you are doing the right thing, but they make you question yourself, doubt your abilities, doubt your commitment, kill your confidence.

Do you really want to kill your junior leaders’ confidence down range, in a combat zone? Thinking about it now, it blows my mind. What a...anyway,

here is the broader context…I wasn’t incompetent or not doing my job.? I was a light infantry company commander, was well trained, in a great unit, and knew what I was doing – I was his direct subordinate – he was supposed to be leading me. He was supposed to be leading his organization by leading through his junior commanders, like me.? But he didn’t know how too – he was just tearing me (and all his other subordinates) apart.? And what drove him?? Fear - his own fears, uncertainty, and doubt. I can see this clearly now, but I couldn't back then.?

Thankfully, I had a fantastic command team in my executive officer and first sergeant and very capable junior leaders, and in spite of my toxic commander, we rallied together and accomplished our mission down range.?

Here is the lesson I took away:? as leaders and senior leaders who want to do well and accomplish our mission, our #1 job is to build culture, inject trust into the organization, and lead through our junior leaders.? This means coaching, mentoring, guiding them, and coming from a place of love, care, and understanding of what we can do to help them be effective.? We hired them for a reason: they are really good at what they do.? We need to coach and support them so they can be excellent! ?Ripping into them and projecting our own fears, uncertainties, and doubts into them is completely ineffective and counter-productive.

At West Point, one of the first things we learned and memorized as plebes was Schofield’s Definition of Discipline:? “The discipline which makes the soldiers of a free country reliable in battle is not to be gained by harsh or tyrannical treatment. On the contrary, such treatment is far more likely to destroy than to make an army. It is possible to impart instruction and to give commands in such a manner and such a tone of voice as to inspire in the soldier no feeling but an intense desire to obey, while the opposite manner and tone of voice cannot fail to excite strong resentment and a desire to disobey.”

This definition of discipline has stuck with me ever since – as I get older, it rings truer with my experience. As leaders, we have a responsibility to carry out our assignment, our mission, our company's goals, and we need our people to do that. How we lead our people matters and has lasting impact on them and their lives.

I often contrast that negative experience with the positive experience that I had serving under and learning from leaders like Rob Campbell , who taught me the importance of 'investing in people' and teaching us, as the title of his book suggests, that "It's Personal, Not Personnel."

Have you ever dealt with toxic leaders?? Does my story seem familiar to you?? How have you handled a difficult or toxic leader?

Are you a leader?? What is your approach to leading through your leaders?? How are you making a positive and lasting impact today and building cohesiveness in your sphere of influence? I'd love to hear your thoughts!