How Kwame Christian Built a Career by Overcoming his Greatest Fear

The following is an excerpt from Dave Crenshaw’s interview with Kwame Christian from The Dave Crenshaw Success Project, a new podcast. You can subscribe to Dave’s new podcast here.?

Kwame Christian, Esq., M.A. is the leader in ethical and friendly negotiation. He founded The American Negotiation Institute and built the world’s number one negotiation podcast with nearly a half-million downloads per month. He’s also a published author and LinkedIn for Learning instructor with incredible courses on the art of having difficult conversations. In the first installment of my new series, The Dave Crenshaw Success Project, Kwame shares the story of how overcoming his greatest fear helped him create the successful, balanced life he lives today.?

Family Values

Kwame grew up in a family that believed in the power of education. His parents were Caribbean-American and held strong expectations for their children to succeed in life.

“We were big on education,” Kwame explained. “We were constantly reading, parents were constantly pushing us to be better at school. And growing up, we had the privilege of knowing that college was 100% going to happen.”

“As long as you have that work ethic and willingness to learn…I would also say the willingness to put what you learn into action, you're going to be successful in whatever you do.” - Kwame

Both of his parents were also experts in the medical field, so he always thought he’d follow in their footsteps. Kwame said, “When I was in school, initially, I wanted to be a doctor.” His dad was a doctor, and his mother had a PhD in nutrition and was also a professor. Later, they opened a practice together in Ohio.?

As a teenager, Kwame found entrepreneurship interesting, although he wasn't committed to it in the beginning. Things started to change once he went to college.

Discovering a New Path to Success

Kwame went on to attend the University of Ohio, where he studied psychology as an undergrad with minors in Foundations of Law and Spanish. He then went on to law school to obtain a Master's of Public Policy.?

“I want people to focus on is that there's never really a clear path, you're kind of always making it up as you go along to a certain extent.” - Kwame Christian

The distinguishing purpose that motivated Kwame was his deep desire to help people in a significant way.

“Ultimately, I wanted to help people. I knew that was my big thing. I want to help people in general, I want to have a purpose that serves society in some capacity.” He explained, “I thought medicine was going to be it.”

Kwame reached a turning point when he realized he had an aversion to dead bodies. Kwame laughed as he detailed his revelation, “I was necrophobic, and I knew you had to work on cadavers.”

As he examined the different paths where he could make an impact, from psychology to politics, he stumbled across a surprising opportunity born from his attempt at overcoming a fear.

?Overcoming an Immense Fear

As he continued along his educational journey, pursuing a potential career in psychology or politics, Kwame's career took a new turn. ”As I started to learn more about policy and politics in particular, and what it would take, I knew one thing for sure.” Kwame added, “I did not want to be a politician”?

He asked himself, “What am I doing here? This is not what I want to do.” The answer to this question led him down the path to negotiation.?

He labels himself as an innate “people-pleaser” who studiously avoids conflict. “Having difficult conversations, that's something that I really struggled with, and then it wasn't until I got to law school that I discovered negotiation…[it] was a skill, not a talent, that I could actually get better at it.”?

In an effort to work towards improving this skill, Kwame joined a negotiation competition with his partner in class, eventually making it to the semi-finals national competition in New Orleans.?

“I was hooked,” he said.

“There's a point of pride because I'm overcoming a massive fear that I had before.” - Kwame Christian

Kwame recognized this skill had the power to help those that were unable to advocate for themselves. At the time, he knew this was what he wanted to do. He just wasn’t sure how it would all work out yet.

Opportunity meets Entrepreneurship

Kwame discovered he could use his newly refined skills of negotiation and his lifelong goal of helping people in a significant way. He soon realized there is one particular trait he offers that distinguishes him from others in the negotiation field.

“Something that draws a lot of people to my content, because it's negotiation for people who don't identify as negotiators,” Kwame explained. He found that there will always be a massive group of people that struggle with overcoming the same mental and emotional obstacles in difficult conversations.?

“I have content that addresses that,” Kwame continued, “And so I think that's one of the things that led to the success that I'm having today.”

Kwame believes thought leaders should be more open about their failures and growth. “It's about being willing to kind of grow in public and share that, ‘Hey, I’m not perfect,’ because I think if we come off as too perfect, then it doesn't seem real,” he said.

Life isn’t a Clear Path to Success

Kwame’s journey was full of unexpected turns and surprising revelations that led him to the successful life he enjoys today. He wants to help others let go of the idea that there’s only one true path to success.

“One of the greatest mistakes that our education system makes is that they kind of presuppose that there is a [specific] path,” Kwame said, “I think for a lot of people that doesn't really exist. And it can be really frustrating when you don't find your place in society.”

Kwame believes that “following your passion” isn’t always the right mindset. Instead, he said, “I think about it more in terms of following your curiosity, like what are those things that you're interested in?”

Kwame encourages others to explore their interests, try different options out, and avoid limiting yourself to a decision too early in your education.?

“For me,” he said, ...it was working on myself…how do I overcome this fear? How do I get better? How do I help people?” Kwame narrowed down his interests and developed a plan of action for turning that into a career path.

Turning Failures into Opportunities

“I love the phrase, ‘fail faster’,” Kwame said.“I had to try different things.”

Kwame tried various entrepreneurial pursuits. One of those first business ventures was a side hustle while still in law school. It didn’t work out.

“ At the end of the two years and a lot of investment,” Kwame shared. “I cashed out all $9.42 out of the bank, and my brother and I got two McGriddles.”

He laughed and continued his story with the lesson, “It taught me how to run an online business.”?

This skill provided the foundation for successfully running his current business, The American Negotiation Institute.?

“The stakes are never going to be lower than they are right now.” - Kwame Christian

Kwame believes it’s never too late to experiment and find the right solution for you.?

“Now is the time to try to experiment, no matter what age you are, you are younger now than you will be in the future.”?

He shared that people can find their purpose, their path to a successful, balanced life, at all ages.?

Kwame encourages people take action even when uncomfortable.. “There's this myth where we assume that when we understand that it’s the right time for an opportunity, it'll feel right.” He continued his observation by saying, “But it never really feels right.”

“There’s a bit of imposter syndrome that just doesn't go away.” Kwame said.

“Sometimes we can't follow those feelings, because a lot of times they'll just lead us to stay firmly rooted in our comfort zone and not take the risks that we need to take in order to level up.”

“We have to let go of that perfection, so we can actually take action,” Kwame said.?

Kwame’s teaches people to push through the fear of failure, accept failure with self compassion, and avoid the trap of perfectionism that paralyzes action.

The Catalyst for Success

Once Kwame realized his potential to make a difference in people’s lives through the art of negotiation, new opportunities began to present themselves.

“I knew I wanted to be a respected thought leader, and I developed this theory,” Kwame said.

He believes there are three pillars of being a respected thought leader: a method of distribution; a heavily publicized speech; a published book. Kwame used this process when creating his own thought leadership foundation.??

Kwame chose to start a podcast as his method of distribution. “That was year one. That was my focus. 2016, get the podcast done,” he said.

Now his show is the number one negotiation podcast in the world.

He then further grew his credibility with a? TEDtalk in 2017, which became a viral sensation with over 400,000 views worldwide. This then led to him publishing his book in 2018, Finding Confidence in Conflict.?

Kwame said that while the TEDtalk and his book were big injections towards his success, the podcast is the foundation of it.

“The podcast continues to evolve and grow and become something different every single week.” He added,. “So, that's the thing that really is the catalyst, because at this point, we're at about 450,000 downloads a month.”

Kwame believes that the key to success is understanding that it won’t be perfect at first.?

“Everything's practice,” he said.“No matter what I'm doing, it’s practice.”?

Kwame added, “I'm still growing and learning every day, and it's going to be sloppy, I'm going to make mistakes, but that's just part of the game, I need it to get better.”

Balancing Success with Family Life

Kwame has a beautiful family now. He prioritizes spending time with them and putting family first. But it wasn’t easy at first.?

“When I was in law school, when I was doing some other entrepreneurial things, I could work all day,” Kwame said. “Now I can't do that, because I have to take care of my family, I still want to stay in shape.”?

He described the conflicting feelings he struggled with for a while as a new father.?

“There were these competing identities within myself, and just in the last couple of weeks, I realized that I can still be a successful CEO,” he explained, “And I can still be a present and loving and attentive father…who still spends ample time with his family.”

Becoming a father forced him to become more efficient with his time. He developed a system and a schedule to ensure he took care of himself, enjoyed quality time with his family, and still had time to focus on his continually growing career.

“Essentially my family is accelerating my growth. It's forcing me to be more efficient.” - Kwame Christian

”If I want to still be successful, not just in business, but being a father and a husband, I need to be a lot more efficient with my time.”

Kwame is still growing and evolving his entrepreneurial journey, with more new opportunities and interests coming down the pipeline.?

The next time you find yourself avoiding action out of fear or perfectionism, remember Kwame’s words, “Everything's practice, and it doesn't need to be perfect in order for you to take action.”

Action Principles?

Pick one to do this week:?

1. Knowing yourself. Ask yourself, “Is what I’m doing right now a fit for who I am?” If not, push past your fear of the unknown and follow your curiosity.? One action you could take: If the answer is no, choose one action that moves you closer to doing work that fits who you are as a person.
2. Level up. Even when the future is unclear, you can always improve the fundamentals. Ask yourself, “What’s a basic skill I can do better?” One action you could take: Take a course to improve that skill. For example, you could take Dave’s time management course or Kwame’s course on how to be both assertive and likable.
3. Set boundaries. Create clear finish lines for working hours and protect your personal time. This will force you to be more efficient and productive at work, getting more done in less time! One action you could take: Choose a work schedule with a clear stopping time each day.
4. Take action. Knowledge is only as powerful as the action that follows it. Remember, failure is simply practice and action is always better than perfection. One action you could take: Pick one of the actions you chose from today’s episode and schedule a time to do it. Don’t worry if the action you take isn’t perfect.

If you’d like to learn more about negotiating difficult conversations, I strongly recommend subscribing to Kwame’s podcast, Negotiate Anything. You can also stay connected by following him on LinkedIn.