Lead on, Mom!

All of us have heard and read about different styles of leadership. But, today I am going to talk about a leadership style that all of us are aware of but do not  look at it as a leadership model consciously. All of us witness and experience it every day around us, yet we fail to acknowledge it as ‘leadership’.

Curious? Well, I am talking about the ‘Mom leadership’. Now, I am sure the curiosity has just vanished and you are nodding in agreement but still thinking what and which style does it fit into…..

 Today, I am going to share my experiences of how my Mom has shown she is an outstanding leader in all aspects of life. Her way of doing things encompasses all the styles of leadership that you have known. We all agree that God could not be everywhere so ‘Moms' were created. Our Moms have an immense talent for multi-tasking and giving attention to all around making their presence felt everywhere. Every mother is strong, emotional anchor, empathetic yet firm decision maker,, team player and friend of her family, a supportive partner and guide advisor to almost all around her, care giver, protective of her family , managing crisis, arbitrator, advisor, mentor, coach, confidant …you name it, she has done it all simultaneously & effortlessly!

 Now, just flip this to the organizational context and all these are qualities that are equated to a great leader…

Lead on, Mom!

 It’s been said that a mother’s heart is the child’s classroom. I thank God for all that my mom, Mrs. Sheela Bhole (nee Pandit), has been - my teacher and has hand held me through the years. For me, she is God personified and I’m proud to be her daughter.

 Petite in size she may be, but she continues to create a legacy that is amazon like, in size, impact and vibrancy. Generous, kind, loving, , caring, honest, elegant, fastidious, brave, strong, bubbly, energetic, resilient, thoughtful, hopeful, selfless. …Phew… she is in a constant state of motion, a whirlwind of activity & energy that keeps us all on our toes and energized.

Every time I thought I knew everything, she ensures I learn a new lesson in life and keeps my learning curve always constant.

Earlier last year, my elder daughter graduated as a Doctor and being a big occasion, my Mom expressed her desire to travel for it. While I was pondering over this, considering her 83 years, her quiet and demure statement, “I would like to live my life too and I believe your Dad will be OK if we both go away for 2-3 days!”, laid to rest any doubts as to the final decision!

My earliest lessons in service, hard-work, leadership, courage and empathy were thanks to her. Despite playing the traditional role of homemaker with perfect ease, she is also a well-respected Pediatrician and a supportive partner to my father and we kids saw her as “at the helm” always. She managed everything, - a large joint family, worked from 4am to 9pm, ensuring her family & patients are catered to, managing our household budget: CFO, COO CHRO and CEO all in one, maintaining her quiet demeanor. Outside our home and her clinic, she has been involved in working for social and civic causes, where her natural leadership qualities put her in charge and she often found herself taking on roles of responsibility and making a difference. Her ability to balance work and home has been and continues to be a hallmark even to this day!

 There are so many families and friends who recount my mother’s kindness and sensitivity. 

 Here are a few key lessons that I have learnt from her, which I am sure will continue to help me in the future.

 Focus on Bouncing back after a setback/ Focus on getting back on your feet after you fall - Given the multitude of situations, good and not so good, that my mother has experienced, the way she has adapted o life and its uncertainties has been amazing. Coming from a secure and comfortable growing up years to facing post marriage financial difficulties, loss of a child and managing a large & traditional family, she continued to keep her aspirations alive. This resilience had served her well and has been an important lesson for us in the family. Instead of lamenting what is lost, she has made the best lemonade with the lemons life has given her.

Be Compassionate Always! A Few memories that stand out… A young mother whose son had a progressively degenerating health disorder recalls how my mom would always give her priority at her clinic and always had a soothing and encouraging word to offer. In another instance, when she saw a lady begging outside a maternity home with her 3 young children, she made all arrangements to help her set up a small catering business. Our home was near to  a government maternity hospital and every morning my mother would wake me and my siblings early to deliver breakfast and serve 25-30 new mothers at this hospital  for several years.  The happiness that she contributed to these women was unlimited and I think all of us have been reaping the rewards of my mother’s compassion to fellow beings. She has earned unlimited good karma for herself and us too. I cannot help but count my manifold blessings.

 Service before Self, Always - My Mom has always been guided by her desire to serve selflessly and never with any expectation(s) in return. Though my mother has never possibly heard of “servant leadership” she is constantly directed by her pledge to service. She had never known poverty and actually grew up with a ‘silver spoon in her mouth’ yet she remains committed to alleviating suffering wherever and whenever she can and this was a prime cause for her choice of profession. Despite being a busy doctor, building up her practice, she cooked, cleaned, ironed, sewed, knitted and scrubbed for a family of 14! She was always there for all our PTAs and Sports Days! In fact, she has always (and continues to be!) there for anyone who needs her. I am sure that has rubbed off on all of us and hope we will continue to carry forward this tradition of serving others.

During the past one plus year of the pandemic, she sincerely and regularly call up as many relatives, friends (even her children's friends at times) and checks up on them, tirelessly.

Be Guided by Your Principles - Groomed by her parents who led by example my mother is guided by the core values of integrity, service, care, humility, generosity, hard work, justice, love and endurance. These guide her choices and provide her comfort in times of adversity. When she speaks, she does so with a quiet confidence that comes from being deeply grounded in her values.  The values she has instilled in us has ensured we practice them in our professional and personal lives and our children understand the importance of these values – their "Ajji" is a role model for all.  .

Listen and Understand - Whether listening to a friend or a patient sharing their troubles, she listens - attentively and generously and more importantly, speaks sparingly! She understands people’s need to be heard and asks pertinent and powerful questions. People feel heard and they trust her considerate insights. Listening is so habitually a powerful, yet disregarded tool by many leaders. I try and emulate this trait of hers in my professional life regularly as my work involves interacting with employees across the organization.

 Fix your sight on the Big Picture and Perspective in mind - She has the ability to see things from the other’s perspective while also keeping the bigger picture in mind. She developed this ability because, over the course of her life, her circumstances changed dramatically—from early wealth and privilege, to excelling and hard work in college, to marriage and family in not the best of circumstances. During my most trying times, she has helped me zoom out from a difficult moment to see a prospect / future without lessening my experience and the lessons therefrom. She always unlocks solutions that others might not even see. She is always anxious about doing right by folks than with being right. Keeping the larger picture in mind and having a perspective, is a key leadership skill, especially in this increasingly volatile world.

This post is a long standing wish to share how powerful our childhood influencers are and when they are your parents, this has to be the biggest blessing of all. I am fortunate that even today, I continue to be guided by my parents every day.

"I do what I want, when I want, where I want… if my mom says it’s ok!" ??????

Thank you, Mom! And continue to Lead on as always!