Lead a Horse to Water

Hello Friends,

As a leader, manager, or coach, you’ve likely heard some version of the phrase, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.” It’s a humbling reality that, no matter how skilled or dedicated we are, we can’t force people to take action. The misconception is that a great leader can motivate anyone, but the truth is that motivation and change must come from within. Today’s issue of?Confidence Weekly challenges the idea that leadership alone can inspire everyone, encouraging us to recognize that our success as leaders isn’t defined by isolated outcomes but by the overall positive impact we make.

Personal Desire Matters

Leaders, coaches, and managers often invest considerable effort in creating the right environment for others to thrive. Yet, research has consistently shown that individual motivation is a complex mix of intrinsic factors -meaning that external influence has limits. Studies have revealed that while autonomy, and competence can boost motivation, no external factor can fully compensate for someone’s lack of personal desire to act. This aligns with the idea that you can only create the conditions for success -ultimately, the person must take responsibility for their choices.

A recent Gallup report showed that only 21% of employees feel highly engaged in their work, despite companies worldwide investing billions in leadership development and employee engagement programs. The low engagement statistics don’t always point to poor management. Instead, they highlight that engagement is also heavily reliant on personal factors, such as an employee's individual goals, sense of purpose, and personal drive.

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Motivation Isn’t Always Enough

Imagine you’ve provided extensive guidance, resources, and support, yet someone still doesn’t take action. This may seem like a failure on the leader’s part, but it’s often an issue rooted in the individual’s readiness or willingness to change. Psychology research shows that motivation has to come from within. According to James Prochaska's Transtheoretical Model of Change, people pass through different stages (Precontemplation, Contemplation, Preparation, Action, and Maintenance) when making a change. If a person is not in the “Action” stage, no amount of external encouragement will push them into sustained action.

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Sample Size Matters

As leaders, it’s crucial to remember that our value is not solely based on the success of each individual we mentor. Measuring success by isolated outcomes can leave us feeling discouraged, especially when some people fail to achieve their potential despite our efforts. Instead, we should look at our sample size of successes and the broader, cumulative impact we’ve had over time.

In his book Good to Great, Jim Collins emphasizes that the best leaders focus on creating an environment of discipline and opportunity but accept that some will embrace it, and some will not. Rather than taking personal responsibility for every individual’s progress, effective leaders recognize that some factors are beyond their control. Great leaders know they’ve done their part when they’ve created the conditions for success, offered support, and provided the tools needed.

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Bill Gates on Accountability and Empowerment

Consider the example of Bill Gates, who has mentored countless entrepreneurs, innovators, and leaders. Gates has often stated that he provides insights and guidance but expects individuals to bring their passion and commitment to the table. He has been clear that motivation has to be personal: “I don’t push people; I show them the options, and they have to decide their path.” This approach empowers others while making it clear that success is ultimately in their hands.

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Parting Words

Being a great leader, coach, or manager isn’t about “making” others succeed; it’s about creating a supportive and empowering environment where they can succeed. When you’ve done everything within your power - when you’ve led the horse to water - you can walk away knowing you’ve fulfilled your role. Don’t feel discouraged if a few choose not to drink; instead, focus on the many who do and the positive changes you’ve enabled over time.

If you are interested in improving your speaking, communication skills and confidence, schedule a call with me or learn more about communication?coaching here.