Lead with Heart: The Leadership Love Languages Your Team Needs

Love is in the air! My kids have gone to school with handmade heart cookies for their BFFE's (Best Friends ForEver), my husband bought me a bunch of flowers. We love LOVE in our household.

Valentine’s Day isn’t just about chocolates and roses, it’s the perfect reminder that appreciation matters in all relationships, including at work.

You've probably heard about Gary?Chapmans Love Languages, but have you heard about my Leadership Love Languages??

A few years ago, I was thinking about love languages and how they relate in the workplace. I developed a Leadership Love Languages Framework that is a powerful way to recognise how your team members feel valued and motivated.

Just like in personal relationships, different people have different preferences for how they like to be recognised at work.If you want to foster deeper engagement, stronger team culture, and higher retention, understanding how your team members prefer to be appreciated is key.

The Five Leadership Love Languages

Feedback & Mentorship:?Some team members thrive on direct, meaningful feedback. They feel most appreciated when their efforts are noticed, and they value mentorship that helps them grow. Instead of generic praise like “Great job,” be specific:

• “I loved how you structured that report, it made it so easy to follow.”
• “Your presentation was clear and engaging. You’ve really improved in this area!”
• “I see the effort you’re putting in, and it’s making a real difference.”

If you’ve got someone who constantly asks, “How did I do?”,?chances are, feedback is their leadership love language.

Workplace Bonding (Quality Time):?For some, nothing beats quality time and feeling connected to their team. These are the people who light up at team lunches, morning coffee catch-ups, or off-site events. If you have someone in your team who always initiates “let’s grab a coffee” or organises the morning tea, workplace bonding is likely their love language.

How to show appreciation:

• Schedule regular one-on-one check-ins that aren’t just about work but about them.
• Host casual get-togethers or simply take a moment to have a meaningful chat.
• Introduce them to key people in your network, they’ll feel valued and recognised.

New Opportunities & Challenges:?Some team members thrive when given stretch goals and new challenges. These individuals crave growth, career progression, and exciting projects. They’re often the ones asking for additional responsibilities or seeking professional development opportunities.

How to show appreciation:

• Offer them a high-visibility project or a leadership role in a new initiative.
• Send them an article, book, or conference link related to their career goals.
• Invite them to take on a new challenge and support them through it.

If you have team members always looking for “what’s next,” giving them opportunities is the best way to show appreciation.

Support & Encouragement:?Especially in today’s fast-paced work environment, many employees simply want to feel seen, heard, and supported. They don’t necessarily need a promotion or public recognition. Sometimes, they just need to know you care.

How to show appreciation:

• Check in with genuine curiosity about how they’re doing (beyond their workload).
• Role model vulnerability. If you’re having a tough week, let them know they’re not alone.
• Encourage mental health breaks and flexible work options when needed.

If you notice a team member who seems burnt out or disengaged, a simple “How are you really doing?” can go a long way.

Encouraging Touchpoints:?Some people appreciate frequent and intentional communication. Whether it’s a quick Slack message, a handwritten note, or a shoutout in a team meeting, these little moments of recognition keep them engaged.

How to show appreciation:

• Celebrate small wins, recognise milestones, birthdays, and project completions.
• Tailor your communication some prefer emails, others love a phone call.
• End the week with a personalised “thank you” or “great work” message.

For these team members, a well-timed check-in or public recognition can make all the difference.

Ask, Don’t Assume

The easiest way to know how your team wants to be appreciated? Ask them.

Try this in your next team meeting:

“If you could pick one thing that makes you feel valued at work, what would it be?”

“Out of these five leadership love languages, which one do you think resonates with you most?”

You might be surprised by the answers!Lead with Heart This Valentine’s DayA culture of appreciation isn’t just nice, it’s strategic.

Employees who feel valued are:

• More engaged
• More productive
• More likely to stay

This Valentine’s Day, take a moment to lead with heart,?because the strongest teams aren’t just built on skills; they’re built on connection and appreciation.

How will you show your team some leadership love this week??Leave a comment below or Book a time with me here.

Until next time, eat the frog, get the worm, be the bird, and show your team some L.O.V.E

Ally x

Ally Nitschke is a best-selling Author, an award-winning Thought Leaderand Speaker. She has been working with leaders and as a Leader for over 20 years. She is on a mission to change the way we communicate at work, to lean into those uncomfortable conversations and lead with courage. Ally is a Keynote Speaker at conference, delivers Transformational Programs & highly engaging workshops as well as provides Executive Coaching. In her spare time, she's mostly at the beach with her beautiful husband and 4 tiny people.