Lead with Emotion

“Take the emotions out of the situation and handle this rationally”.

This advice was given to me two years ago by a peer of mine who was also the mentor of a difficult team member I had in my project team. My colleague listened to my sermon about how this team member despite various feedback sessions wasn’t delivering against their work packages and how frustrated I was by that. Even more frustrating and not to mention utterly unhelpful did I find his advice. This had two reasons: 1. The fact that one of my team members was not doing their job was clearly annoying to me and I had absolutely no clue how I was supposed to get rid of this emotion. By simply pretending it wasn't there? Does that ever work for anyone? 2. His input made it sound like I was being unreasonable and that he expected the emotion to negatively impact my decision making. He seemed to fear that after our call I would either start a screaming match with my team member in the cafeteria or set the office building on fire…something in that ballpark. Does our professional life have to be an existence where even a moderate display of emotion is frowned upon as something unacceptable; whilst a similar response in a private situation would raise no eyebrows? A world in which expressions like “this guy is an absolute machine” or “she always keeps a cool head” are meant as compliments to the best and brightest in the workplace?

Where did this idea of the unemotional and therefore successful businessperson come from and what is it based on?

By now there is a whole variety of research that proves how important emotions are for decision making with some of it even suggesting that all decisions are based on emotion. The research most often in this regard was conducted by the neuroscientist Antonio Damasio. His insight, dating back to the early 1990s, stemmed from the clinical study of brain lesions in patients unable to make good decisions because their emotions were impaired, but whose reason was otherwise unaffected - research made possible by the neuroanatomical studies of his wife and frequent coauthor, Hanna Damasio. This analysis was also the basis for an article published by Jon Katzenbach, which describes the power of feelings at work and what can happen when you align your business objectives with human needs. Even the Pixar movie “Inside out”, which was co-developed by a team of neurologists and psychologists, explains in brilliant simplicity how humans are led by primary emotions which basically sit like a control center in our brain making our decisions. The primary emotions, which appear in a constant battle with each other, are joy, sadness, anger, disgust, fear and surprise. The movie also makes a point I can only agree with based on my personal experience, which is that we often shy away from or try to suppress negative emotions - especially in a business context. I have never witnessed anyone being reprimanded for jumping joyfully in the air when getting a promotion - even though the measured smile and handshake would of course be way cooler. I have however seen people being admonished for crying at work, mainly by themselves because they were ashamed of this “undignified” display of sadness.

Anger meanwhile is a special case in that it seems a more accepted way of expressing emotions in a business setting. In a male-dominated world aggression is typically associated with a strong will and sense of power. Hence, I have seen some of my clients for example fully lose it in meetings screaming at their employees, which afterwards was remarked upon only through an indulgent smile, a hand wave and the words “well he is a forceful person.” I am by no means advocating for people going around yelling at their team in rage and us padding them on the back for being true to their feelings. I am however advocating for an environment in which all emotions can be displayed in a respectful manner and are simply taken as a form of authentic expression.

Everyone who has ever worked in Consulting will rightly tell you that this sector is a people business.

People are the single most important and really only noteworthy asset a Consulting firm has. Having said that, the Consulting industry can also be a pitiless and unkind environment at times. I believe a big driver behind that is that we as a western society tend to idolize the charming, cool headed and cutthroat decision maker – some easy examples of which taken once again from the world of motion picture are James Bond, Miranda Priestly or Harvey Specter. And that is despite there being so much evidence on what happens if leaders respond emotionally to their employees in times of crisis and how particularly a display of “negative” emotions such as sadness can create a feeling of connection, community and authentic bonding. Sounds almost like a magic wand for the leaders of an industry that relies fully on a highly motivated workforce for its success.

Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook, speaks about the power of emotional communication in her book “Lean in” when she described the success story of Howard Schultz, former CEO of Starbucks. Howard left the company as CEO in 2000 after growing Starbucks from a few stores into a global retail business between the years of 1987 to 2000. In the next eight years after his departure the company’s success declined to the point at which in 2008 Starbucks was in serious financial trouble and under market threat from strong competitors. Therefore, Howard returned to Starbucks and in his first meeting with the company’s global managers in New Orleans he allowed his feelings on Starbucks’s decline to come out and broke into tears. He explained to his team how guilty he felt for leaving and how he believed that he had let Starbucks’s employees and their families down. This authentic response to a business problem must have touched his team in a special way since as a result the entire company rose to the challenge and delivered its highest revenue and earnings a few years later.

Equally, times like the pandemic have shown us that leadership teams which manage to make their employees feel truly valued and who can authentically bond over the mental and emotional challenges being isolated for months creates are more successful than the ones that do not go that extra mile.

I suggest we learn from examples such as these and stop regarding emotions as a sign of weakness, irrationality or lack of self-discipline. Instead, we should view them as a rich color palette we can use on the white canvas that is our business world in order to convey authentic messages, create a sense of community and most importantly bond on an individual level with our colleagues. Can we teach a new generation of leaders better? On how to use emotions to make great decisions and to influence others to make better decisions too? Because from all I have learned so far, I would much rather be led by an emotional leader than a machine.