[Lead Better] Restoring Trust

Each week alternates between Leading Better and Living Bigger insights. This week…

[Lead Better] Restoring Trust

What gets ruptured in betrayal? It’s your trust. If you’ve been betrayed, it’s really hard to come back from.

But if someone in the workplace does betray your trust, what do you do?

What’s the starting point for repairing trust?

Step One. You – Disentangle & Recentre

Like a boxer in the ring, you’ve just been hit and you’re reeling. It’s not a good time to make a decision.

There’ll be feelings of anger, revenge, victimisation. Take time to vent, scream, rant – release the pressure… with a good friend, coach, mentor, and nature.

Then look towards forgiveness. Why?

Revenge and bitterness are a dangerously toxic cocktail.?

They impact your health, your cardiovascular system, your immune system, your cholesterol levels, your decision-making, your judgment and your mental health.

You do not want that flowing through your veins.

Forgiveness emotionally untethers you from the person. You’re freed to recentre.

Step Two. Them – Genuine Contrition

You’re at a cross-roads and neither option is comfortable. Save the person and give them another chance or cut them loose and suffer the consequences.

For you to even consider the possibility of reconciliation, you need to hear three things:

• ‘Felt’ responsibility: “I screwed up. I did this thing. I take full responsibility”… And you feel it!
• ‘Getting’ the emotional impact: They express how it must have felt for you, how it demoralised the team, how devastating it is to you after doing everything you’ve done
• Understanding the consequences: “I can see this is going to set us back a year…” etc

They’ve now become someone who is open to the possibility that they might become trusted again.

But you haven’t decided to trust yet. Forgiveness is about the past. Trust is about the future.

Before you can trust, they need to comply with the five dimensions of trust

1. Understanding: do they really understand what’s needed, that they didn’t understand before?
2. Motive: Is their motive now that they truly want you/the team to win.
3. Ability: do they actually have the capability to do the thing
4. Personal makeup: can they can respond appropriately to context, going forward?
5. Track record: what’s their proof of reliability, consistency?

Trust restoration is a slow and gradual process, small step by small step.

If taken back in, it’s likely the person’s position and responsibilities will be pared back. It will be an arduous journey to prove themselves again.

Trust is so central to what it is to be human – a deep and sacred connection point. Nurture it, and it brings out our best. Break it and dislocation ensues.

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#executivecoaching ?#TransformationalLeadership ?#LeadershipTraining ?#teamdevelopment #LeadershipCoaching

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Bruce speaks at conferences, runs leadership workshops, consults & coaches.

Enquire about working with Bruce:

? [email protected] or ? +64 21 548 900

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P.S. Whenever you're ready, below (in Comments) are 3 ways I work with business leaders to upgrade their leadership battery, engage their hidden fifth gear and support them achieve what matters deeply to them