Layoffs suck…

I have said this before. I have written about this before.

The Kübler-Ross model, or the five stages of grief, postulates a series of emotions experienced by loss with the following five stages being: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.   The stages of grief are universal and are experienced by people from all walks of life, across many cultures.  The key to understanding the stages is not to feel like we must go through every one of them, in precise order. Instead, it’s more helpful to look at them as guides— it helps us understand and put into context where you are.  Why is this important?

We had layoffs last week.  It was tough on all of us.  Managers, peers, friends, colleagues, bosses and, quite frankly, all employees. But it was toughest on those directly impacted.  Layoffs suck.  I worked at AOL.  I work at Gannett.  Carrier, Pepsi, AT&T, Verizon, Tenet Healthcare, GM, Ford, Harley-Davidson, and Walmart (Sam’s Club) all announced significant layoffs this year.  Did I say layoffs suck (pardon my language)?

Those directly impacted suffer most.  Our colleagues whom we just laid-off. Period. For many, it comes as a surprise to them.  We communicated we needed to find synergies.  We know our industry in challenged.  Our colleagues weren’t planning on starting their job-hunting last week.  Most were not planning on leaving us. Most knew they were our performers, they came to work every day to make a difference. None of us ever think it will be ME who will be fired?  I have been let go in the past.  Layoffs suck.

Denial. Anger. Bargaining.  Depression.  Acceptance.

For those of us who have lost their "office best friend" or “work buddy”, the weeks and months following layoffs can be downright depressing. We are suddenly alone at a time when communicating our feelings about workplace turmoil is a key to overcoming it. Often, we alienate ourselves further by not making new work friends out of fear that too may soon come to an end.

As employees who remain, we are also prime targets for feeling “survivor's guilt,” a confused feeling of relief and grief: relief that we have not been laid off and grief for our work friends who have been let go. Often, we feel undeserving of being spared, which leads to our guilt. Although we may feel happy, in the moment, that we have been spared, it leads to feeling guilty for feeling “happy”.

As hard as it may be to comprehend, many of our employees fortunate enough to be spared being on the layoff list, are now suffering. It turns out that psychologists and management consultants have a name (they always do) for this negative reaction: survivor syndrome.

Survivor syndrome works the opposite of how you would logically think: those of us still employed, and grateful for having jobs, end up losing our identification with, and even resenting, our bosses or company. One of the reasons for this is that we now have fewer hands on deck.  More work for those of us still around, which can lead to stress, anger and depression, especially if the we don't feel our company or team is committed to our future.  These are common emotions experienced by those of us who survive a layoff. Thus the term - survivor syndrome - a term coined by organizational psychologists to describe the emotional, psychological and physical effects of employees who remain in the midst of company downsizing.

Here are eight practical tips from David Noer (Healing the Wounds: Overcoming the Trauma of Layoffs and Revitalizing Downsized Organizations) as well a mental health counselor and layoff survivor on overcoming (layoff) survivor syndrome:

Remain Calm 

When layoffs hit, the immediate reaction of those left behind is often panic. Overcome this panic and anxiety by developing a plan for what you’d do if you got laid off, too. That’s what Lisa Jo Lampi, a media analyst for an advertising agency in the Twin Cities, did when the first of three rounds of layoffs hit her company. Lampi and her husband discussed how they could cut their household budget and where they could find alternate health insurance.  She also evaluated her skills and investigated other jobs -- both in and out of her field -- for which she’d be qualified. “It’s like crisis preparedness or emergency management -- only for yourself,” she says. “Having a plan means that if and when [a layoff] happens to you, you’ll feel less of a sting and more in control.”

Recognize That Survivor Guilt Is Normal 

Your boss and even your friends and family may tell you how fortunate you are to still have your job, but layoff survivors feel anything but lucky. Lampi worked side-by-side for a month with several people who knew they would be losing their jobs. “It mentally took a toll,” she says. “I lost sleep, I lost my appetite.” Lampi was plagued by other questions, too, especially why she was spared while others lost their jobs. Such survivor guilt is common, Noer says, and it won’t help to deny or internalize the pain. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of your colleagues and your sense of stability, he says.

Talk It Out 

Keeping your grief and frustration bottled up is a recipe for trouble, and it’s not a sign of weakness to vent your feelings. “You’re not the Lone Ranger,” Noer says. “If you don’t let it out, you won’t get better.” Sandra Tobin, a licensed mental health counselor in Fort Wayne, Indiana, encourages layoff survivors to surround themselves with positive, supportive people. Office gossip with excessively negative colleagues is unproductive and will only make you feel worse, she says.

Be Honest and Efficient

Layoff survivors usually end up with heavier workloads, which can take their toll on even the best employees. Lampi had a heart-to-heart talk with her employer, because she was concerned about the consequences of her higher workload. “I said, ‘I’m extremely grateful for this position, but I want you to know my error rate may be higher,’” she says. To stay on top of her work, Lampi has eliminated distractions from her work environment and is more likely to schedule meetings rather than discuss work issues spontaneously with colleagues who stop by.

Unhook Your Self-Esteem from Your Company 

You’ll bounce back from layoff survivor sickness quicker if you find self-esteem in the type of work you do rather than where you do it. Noer calls this “breaking organizational codependence,” and it means that you should find a sense of value and purpose in your profession rather than in your company. “Place your self-esteem in your own hands and not your organization’s hand,” he says.

Empower Yourself

On a related note, layoff survivors should develop transferable skills. Being proactive about your professional development -- whether by taking a community-education course, ramping up your professional networking or exploring alternate income sources -- is always a good idea, Tobin says, but especially when your employer is downsizing. Noer agrees. “It’s not disloyal to look after yourself,” he says. “If you have skills other companies want, your company will want to keep you.”

Manage Your Stress 

Practice your best stress-management techniques after-hours, and keep your life in balance. Avoid watching the news or disturbing movies if they put you in a bad mood. Maintain your exercise routine, Tobin says. Keep busy and avoid isolating yourself, but incorporate quiet time to reflect on the good things about your life. “People who have the capacity to find an ‘attitude of gratitude’ even in the midst of trouble move to the other side of grief more quickly,” Tobin says.

Maintain Perspective

If layoff survivor sickness is incapacitating or you’re being dramatically overworked with no respite in sight, quit your job. “I’ve talked to people who are laid off and found a better life outside, and they feel guilty because their friends are still stuck,” Noer says. “That teaches people that when you are terminated you really don’t die.... Your life is not your job.”

So what do we do now?  We move forward.  

Some sound advice from the Impact Group:

Maintain Connections

There is a roller coaster of emotions during job loss. These emotions are natural – but try to keep them from hindering your professional relationships. “Refocus your attitude and outlook during the transition,” says Bridget Quinn Kadolph, Vice President of Business Solutions, Central Region at IMPACT Group. “Maintain your network among your colleagues to share encouragement, job leads, and new opportunities. You don’t want to let your emotions hinder relationships at the office.”

Maintain a core group of people you trust and can confide in. “These individuals will help you process the emotions you experience. The emotional side of the situation can filter through in an interview and when you network. So it is extremely helpful to express your feelings to close friends and family so you can focus on the positive in other interactions.”

Develop Your Story

“While it may feel more natural to keep your transition story short and sweet, be sure to portray the situation in a positive light, promote uplifting self-talk, and provide a broad scope of the picture.”

As you share the news with potential hiring managers, friends, and family, provide facts about your organization. Then include scope – such as where you as an individual fall into the overall picture of the transition. Finally, the most important piece is recasting the conversation to focus on the future. An example is:

“My employer has gone through significant change over the last few months, including the sale of my division. I have great memories of my time working with my team and want to make sure this transition goes well for my company. I’m excited to look toward the future and what I’ll do next.”

Put the message in your own words. Practice it a few times. “It might not sound natural at first, but maintain your thoughts and feelings when you say it. Those become part of the messaging too. The best way to manage them is through practice.”

Launch Your Campaign

Will you do the same job but in a different company? Will you remake yourself entirely in a new field? Regardless of what the future holds, it’s smart to take an inventory of your skills, personality, likes, and dislikes. Use the time of transition to determine what matters most to you. “You can start preparing today by giving thought to what roles you want to pursue and what you want to emphasize to potential employers.”

Once you’ve decided your next career path, ask yourself what makes you stand out in the crowd. “Are you great at customer relations? Do you always achieve high productivity marks on your team? Whatever your superpowers are, that is the brand you want to present to the working world.”

Enforce this brand by weaving achievement stories into your résumé and LinkedIn profile. These stories will be beneficial when preparing answers for potential interview questions and building your online presence. Another great self-marketing tool is a 30-second “elevator speech” for speaking with your network and potential employers. “It’s always best to start preparing your speech and interview answers early, it gives you time to get feedback from others.”

Leverage Your Network

If your first thought is, “I don’t know anyone who can help me,” you’re likely looking at a network as something different than what it is. “Your network consists of colleagues, friends, family members, and acquaintances. Everyone around you is in your network!"

Once you get past the misconception that you do not have a strong network, you can embrace what networking should be. “Networking is a two-way street where you share information with others and help them – just as they share information and help you. Talk to parents at a ball game, strike up a conversation in the grocery store line, and get to know the people you volunteer alongside.” The more you share your career aspirations with others, the more likely you are to find opportunities in your community.

“A good ending at your organization will lead to a good beginning in your next role, view the time of transition as a time of opportunity, and allow that belief to energize your job search.”

It takes a village for us all to move forward in this world. Use your village. Use your network.

Together.  We.  Win.