Layoffs, Recession and Fear of Being Ordinary

We are in the midst of another global recession.

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We are hearing of layoffs everywhere.

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If you grew up in early attachment experiences where there was a fear of the ordinary or being ordinary, chances are this uncertainty affects you differently than others.

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For one, these layoffs do trigger a sense of helplessness and powerlessness, as the macroeconomic conditions aren't a reflection of you or your competence at work.

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However, for those who grew up around environments where there was a lot of unpredictability and chaos - helplessness felt especially terrifying. So we find all weird and wonderful ways to stay in control.

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Like turning inwards for regulation, inadvertently making it about us and then everything that’s happening feels personal, and rejection, or perceived rejection makes us feel like it is our fault for not predicting it or controlling it somehow. In other words, when we are very young, everything happening around us can feel like our fault. Therefore we make up ways to avoid feeling uncomfortable feelings.

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Like the child that wouldn't play a card game with friends or cousins unless they were sure they would win.

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Or the child that would quit in the middle of a card game when the odds get stacked against them.

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Do you know what's hiding underneath these scenarios?

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A real inability to make space for one emotion - that of shame.

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When you grow up in early environments that had a really emphasis or fear of being ordinary, what is usually lurking is fear of shame. Fear of being human, fear of being vulnerable.

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So we make ourselves bigger than we really are or need to be in many, many contexts and take it upon ourselves to control the external when the internal signals feel dangerous because it is vulnerable. And this stays with us well into adulthood and shows up during any event that feels out of control. Like a macroeconomic change, a pandemic, or parenting or intimacy.

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It shows up as discomfort with vulnerability.

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A distinct discomfort with being human, and grappling with the fundamental unpredictability of it all.

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We resort to structures, power, control, hypervigilance, hyperindividualism, and addictive tendencies to cope.

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We then also take macroeconomic situations personally and beat ourselves up for various things - I should have interviewed more, saved more, invested in higher education more, or somehow blame self for not predicting this.

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Hey - it is not you. Its not your fault, and you could not have done anything better.

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So if this resonates with you, contrary?to everything you are seeing or reading about the recession/layoffs right now, here are a few things to ponder about

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1. How do I feel about control and predictability as it relates to my current situation?
2. What is my relationship to competence - when someone reflects on my competence, am I able to take that in without the "Yes but.." or "Yes but I should have.." voice taking over?
3. How am I really feeling about what is going on - as a reflection of self. How can we make space for these feelings, especially shame that is not yours, but that we may have internalized this because of unrealistic expectations?
4. Acknowledging that for many of us, our sense of self comes from the way we show up in our careers. List five attributes about yourself that have nothing to do with your work self.
5. This is a really good idea to revector, pause and rethink the big picture and our place in it. Find a buddy who may be on a similar journey of self-reflection so it is not scary.
6. Find a therapist/coach who has experience with the high-achievement nervous system, so you can rewire perfectionism/shame/shutdown patterns from the ground up.

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If any of this resonates with you, book a call, and lets talk - https://www.sangparth.com/15min-call