There are layers behind the cause of every problem...

I used to think that ANXIETY was the problem. Social anxiety to be specific.

Or rather, I used to think it was the source of all my problems...

Anyone who has had to live with social anxiety, you understand. Doing seemingly easy, everyday things become hard. Suddenly, the phone rings and your heart jumps out of your chest as you stare at the unknown number.

You sweat and cramp all night and all morning at the thought of having to get on the bus to work.

You go to 'enjoy' an evening at the theatre with your friends but - they've placed you in the middle of the row. Instead of being bedazzled by the magnificence of what's happening on stage, all you can think about is how far away you are from the nearest exit.

Yup, I used to think my social anxiety was the source of all of my problems.

As a self-confessed high-achieving woman I blamed the ANXIETY.

It's my anxiety that's stopping me from building my business.

It's anxiety that's stopping me from meeting new people.

It's anxiety that's stopping me from putting myself out there, speaking up and making progress.

It's anxiety that makes me feel stuck.

I wasn't wrong, not entirely. No matter how the anxiety begins, the focus then becomes, 'How do I avoid feeling anxious by any means possible?'

I mean, when you KNOW that you're going to put yourself in a situation that makes you feel physically sick with dread... that's not such a strange response, is it!

But the last few months of the year came (quite a few years ago now) and a few big changes happened in my life. The biggest being that I split from a long-term partner and moved to London, on my own.

But the biggest shift was that I really had reached the point of ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. I was done.

Have you had that?

You're just done with living a mediocre life when you know you were made for so much more?

You're done with living in constant fear when you always saw yourself as ambitious and driven... an action taker!

You're done with feeling small, like no one sees you and no one cares.

Well, have you ever seen the film 'Yes, Man' with Jim Carrey? (Google it if not!) That was my year of yes. You want to come to the pub? GULP... yes. Would you like to join us for an interview? SHIVER... yes. Would you like to go to this gig/that theatre show/on this date/join this class?? HOLY SH*T.... YES.

And this was my year of exposure that really took me out of a place of fearing the fear. I was no longer afraid to go somewhere or do something 'just in case' I was struck by anxiety. And that was a huge achievement that I am so grateful I had the stamina for (because believe you me, exposure therapy is EXHAUSTING and tough going... but totally worth it)

Yet, I was still amiss.

I was striving - sometimes achieving and sometimes not.

I was being told that I was doing so well and that I was so talented (their words, not mine!)

I was being told that I had what it took to do great things.

And yet, despite the fact that my social anxiety was under control, it became very clear that the very INITIAL cause of all my problems was not in fact this social anxiety. Social anxiety is how it presented itself. Social anxiety is how it manifested. But the social anxiety was not the real cause...

The real, deep, and excruciating-to-admit cause was rooted in extremely low self-esteem.

My belief system was shot.

My life revolved around making sure I was liked by everyone. Seeking validation from those around me. Constantly needing proof that I occupied a space in their thoughts. Constantly worrying about what they thought. Always overthinking past events and conversations to the point of exhaustion.

Social anxiety was not the cause of my problems, it was simply how the cause manifested.

The cause of my problems was that I had a belief system that was fuelled by 'I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH'.

And when you have a belief system that tells you this, you end up making yourself small so that you're inoffensive and out of the way but then feel upset that no one makes room for you.

You don't speak up in case someone judges what you have to say or judges YOU for voicing an opinion but then you are left feeling as though no one cares what you think.

You say yes when you mean no and wonder why you're always doing things that don't bring you joy.

You avoid challenges because you're worried about what it would mean about you if you fail but are left wondering why you're not making progress.

You wait until everything is absolutely perfect before you take the leap but, because perfection is a myth and entirely unattainable, you struggle to find joy in your successes.

Life very much feels like you're living with a fishbowl on your head.

You feel heavier than necessary, it's difficult to see clearly and reality is often skewed. You could take the fishbowl off, but it's all you know. This is how you see life.

The moment I decided that it was my responsibility to see things differently is the moment it all changed. I needed exposure therapy to break the cycle of social anxiety but it didn't solve the actual problem.

Your belief system runs deep and is the dictator of all of the things you do and all of the things you do not do.

So even if you happened to be one of the most successful people you know on the outside, if you feel like you're NOT GOOD ENOUGH deep down - beneath all of the surface level fluff - imagine the impact this is having on your life? Imagine how much more you could do and how much better you could be if this deep-rooted belief were not your belief anymore?

I didn't know this core belief was my core problem.

But now I think about how I behaved and how I thought about life, it's so evident.

I'd encourage you to take some time to re-evaluate how life looks for you at the moment. The areas in which you're incredibly content and happy and those where it feels like something is missing. Where you're wishing to do something that will take you to the next level, but can't make yourself DO IT. Or maybe you've reached that next level of success and attainment, but you don't feel the full-body joy of it like you hoped you would.

Do you expand or do you retract?

Do you speak up or do you keep shtum?

Do you feel deserving of everything you have and everything you want?

Does wanting more make you feel guilty or selfish?

If any of these appear for you, I want you to consider that the answer to your current problems is not any kind of external fix and it's not any kind of surface level fluff kind of fix either....

It's time to address your belief system... and reprogram it for confidence, clarity and success.

I overcame my anxiety but it took two more years for me to actually breakthrough and feel truly content and confident to take control of my life and show up as the me that I always knew I could be.

And that is because 'I AM NOT ENOUGH' is no longer part of my belief system. And it doesn't have to be part of yours.