LAWYERS UNLEASHED: HOW TO EMBRACE RESILIENCE AGAINST OTHERS' OPINIONS

“When we liberate ourselves from the opinion of others, we become genuinely powerful.”

― Avijeet Das

Do you spend too much energy wondering what others think about you? Do you worry that others might judge or think less of you because of something you are doing or undertaking? Are you afraid to take on a new challenge because you wonder what others will think of you? How does that make you feel?

I know I have. I have often worried about what others think of me and what opinions they hold of me. This is a pervasive problem for many of us, but not healthy. And we do have it within our power to escape from this prison.

In the demanding and often high-stakes world of law, the ability to remain resilient and unfazed by the opinions of others is a valuable skill for lawyers. We navigate a landscape where our decisions and actions are subject to constant scrutiny and critique. Yet, succumbing to the weight of external opinions can hinder our effectiveness and compromise our mental well-being. Therefore, we must develop tools and strategies to rise above the noise, maintain our composure, and focus on our legal responsibilities. By cultivating resilience, practicing self-validation, and embracing a healthy perspective on criticism, we can shield ourselves from the potentially harmful effects of others' opinions and ensure we perform at our best.

In this newsletter, I will talk about why we worry so much about what others think of us; discuss some of the problems that causes us, explain why other people’s opinions of us do not matter, and give you tangible tools to start living your life free of the opinions of others.

Why do we care so much what others think of us?

?Honestly, this is a very common situation we have all experienced. There are multiple reasons, some good and some not.

We all crave a human connection with other people. Given a choice, does it not make sense that we would prefer to be liked by those around us rather than disliked? On many levels, the quality and depth of our relationships with those we care about can affect our true happiness.

We all care what other people think of us, don’t we? How we dress, what we say, and how we present ourselves to others matters, doesn’t it? Social media drives this in part. Some think the number of likes on a post somehow reflects how accepted we are.?

Approval from others can also give us a higher sense of self-esteem. We believe that recognition and approval of others affects our self-worth and how we value ourselves.

And, it does make sense to act appropriately, speak respectfully, dress nicely, and be kind and courteous. Those are all good things. And they do affect what other people think of us.

But, fear can cause us to act this way. We fear we will need more friends or intimate connections. Our insecurity makes us crave acceptance from others. It can also arise out of the habit of pleasing people. To feel better about ourselves, we need to know that we are making others happy and receiving their positive support. Often, we care so much about other people’s opinions of us because our self-worth is based on what other people think of us. When we look good in their eyes, we feel better about ourselves. Too often, we live our life based on what others think of us instead of how we truly are.

Our role as lawyers makes this common human dilemma even harder. We can be particularly affected? by the opinions of others for these reasons:

Reputation and professional image: We work so hard to establish a positive reputation among our peers. Negative opinions or criticisms can be perceived as a threat to our professional image, causing us to feel defensive or anxious about our standing in the legal profession.

Client satisfaction and outcomes: We are so committed to providing excellent representation and achieving favorable outcomes for our clients. When they express disappointment or dissatisfaction, we tend to take it personally and feel responsible or may doubt our abilities.

Validation and self-worth: Like anyone else, lawyers seek validation and recognition for their work. When our efforts face criticism or negative opinions, it can impact our sense of self-worth and lead to feelings of inadequacy or self-doubt.

Fear of judgment and professional consequences: We work in environments where our performance is evaluated and scrutinized by our partners,, colleagues, judges, or juries. The fear of negative judgments or repercussions, such as professional setbacks or damage to their career trajectory, can contribute to heightened sensitivity towards others' opinions.

Personal investment in cases: We are deeply involved in our clients' cases, emotionally, intellectually and often financially. We spend significant time, energy, and empathy to further our clients' interests. Consequently, when our efforts are criticized or disapproved, we struggle to separate ourselves emotionally from the situation.

Perfectionism and high standards: We commit to high standards of excellence and sometimes may have a perfectionistic streak. Consequently, we are more prone to internalizing criticism and negative opinions as we strive for flawless performance and fear falling short of our expectations.

What are the problems with worrying about what other people think of us?

We should be the captain of our own life. We should choose to live it as we want. When we start worrying about what others think of us, we live in fear and waste opportunities. All the great things we can accomplish now sit in the background because we are worried about the fear of rejection or judgment.

There are many reasons why we should stop worrying about what other people’s opinions of us are.?

1. We give up control of our life to someone else. When we give emotional energy to worry about what other people think of us, we give them power over our lives. Do they deserve that? Or want it? Of course not. Our life is ours to live.
2. Our life becomes small. When we worry about what others think of us, we pass on opportunities, and our world shrinks. We may live in regret that we did not choose to pursue some possible avenue for success.
3. Others may not be thinking about us at all. We worry so much about what others think of us, but we would all be amazed at how little they think about us. And we often really do not know their opinions. We imagine negative thoughts and use that not to pursue something because of fear. But those negative opinions may not exist at all.?
4. If we are true to ourselves, the opinions of others simply do not matter. If we live a good life, do what is right, and stand up for our beliefs, the opinions of others have no importance whatsoever.
5. It creates stress. When we worry about the opinions of others, we simply create stress and anxiety in our life for no reason. We do not know their opinions, and their opinions do not matter, yet we waste precious time worrying about them.
6. They are dream stealers. Those with negative thoughts about us often act out of jealousy and insecurity. We have dreams and a vision of success. They often, sometimes unconsciously, do not want us to succeed. Should we allow them to kill our dreams??

How does worrying about others’ opinions affect us as lawyers?

However, as lawyers, the problems go deeper.? When we excessively worry about others' opinions, we face several problems that negatively impact our professional lives:

Impaired decision-making: Constantly seeking approval or fearing disapproval can lead to decision-making paralysis. We hesitate to take necessary risks or make bold choices out of fear of how others perceive us. This can hinder our ability to advocate effectively for our clients and make sound legal judgments.

Increased stress and anxiety: Excessive concern about others' opinions can contribute to heightened stress levels and chronic anxiety. We may constantly feel the pressure to meet external expectations, leading to burnout and negative impacts on our mental and physical well-being.

Inconsistent self-image: Relying too heavily on others' opinions can result in an inconsistent sense of self. We may struggle maintain a stable self-identity, constantly adjusting our behavior and views based on the feedback we receive. This can lead to a need for more authenticity and personal fulfillment.

Loss of confidence and self-esteem: When we place excessive value on external validation, our self-confidence can be easily shaken when faced with criticism or disapproval. This can erode our belief in our abilities, diminish self-esteem, and create a constant need for reassurance from others.

Professional stagnation: When we are preoccupied with others' opinions, we may become risk-averse and hesitant to try new approaches or innovative strategies. This can hinder our professional growth, limit our ability to adapt to changing legal landscapes, and ultimately impede our career advancement.

Loss of authenticity and values alignment: Constantly seeking validation from others can cause us to compromise our authenticity and suppress our true beliefs or values. We may prioritize conforming to external expectations rather than staying true to our principles. As a result, we may feel unfulfilled.?

Why do other people’s opinions of us not matter?

We sometimes waste so much energy and create so much stress worrying about what other people think of us, and in truth, their opinions do not matter for many reasons:

1. Gossipers always gossip. Some people simply like to express opinions about others. That is how they make themselves feel better. They always talk about others. We are not the only ones they talk about. It’s their habit. And it’s not healthy.

2. What is good for them may not be good for us. We are all unique. We have our own talents and opportunities, our own vision. Those who have opinions of us may be in an entirely different place in their life. What may work for them may not work for us. What they want to accomplish in their life may be entirely different than our dreams for ourselves.

3. It is our life and our journey. We are in control of our choices and actions. We should not let our journey be controlled by others.

4. We can never please everyone. I certainly tried. It is never possible to please all the people all the time. It only creates frustration and disappointment.

5. Others do not determine our self-worth. Rather, it comes from who we are, our beliefs and values, how we act consistently with them, and how much energy and commitment we put forth in life. What others think of us does not determine who we are or where we end up.

What are some tools for lawyers to not let other people’s opinions affect them?

It is not easy to break this habit, but it is within our control. We can break out of the prison of worrying about the opinions of other people by trying these handy tools:

1. Understand that hurt people hurt people. Sometimes those who express negative opinions of us do it only because of their own issues, problems, or pain. Often what they say is not about us at all, but about them and their obstacles. Once you understand that, it is easier not to let them bother us.
2. Realize that those who express opinions about us will never be helpful to us. If it is our goal to accomplish our dreams, those who are open to telling us why we should not simply will never help us be successful. Their thoughts and opinions do not serve us. Therefore, we should not give them any space in our heads.?
3. Let go. Let those with? opinions have them, but simply let go of them. Accept those people as being who they are, but do not allow them to control your day, happiness, or actions. Their opinions develop from their own experiences and life, not yours. They must understand who you are and what you are trying to accomplish. Their opinions have little to do with you and much more about themselves.?
4. Stop comparing. All too often we worry about the opinions of others because we are comparing ourselves to them. This is our life, not theirs. We all have our own gifts, talents and challenges. Comparison only creates envy and disappointment. It does not support us on our journey.
5. Stay positive. Do not give into negativity. Surround yourself with those who support you, and raise your spirits. Having positive thoughts and a support system will help you succeed.
6. Celebrate your successes.? Each night, write in your journal any good things that happened to you today, any win, every positive result, anything of which you are proud or gave you a sense of accomplishment. You will soon see that good things consistently happen when you focus on yourself and your own activity. You develop a stronger sense of self-worth and confidence by acknowledging your achievements. Recognizing your own competence and accomplishments counterbalances any? negative opinions and criticism.
7. Practice self-acceptance. You are unique and special. You have skills, experiences, and talents that no one else does. Learn to love and accept who you are. Forgive yourself for any mistakes or failings but learn from them. Always remember that you are a gift to the world, and you have much you can accomplish.
8. Be self-aware. Developing self-awareness is crucial for lawyers to understand their own triggers, vulnerabilities, and emotional responses to external opinions. By being aware of our own thoughts and feelings, we can better manage and reguHealthy boundaries: Establishing healthy emotional and professional boundaries is essential. Lawyers should recognize that they cannot please everyone and that their self-worth should not solely rely on external validation. Setting clear boundaries with clients, colleagues, and even personal connections can help protect their mental and emotional well-being.
9. Healthy boundaries: Establishing healthy emotional and professional boundaries is essential. We lawyers should recognize that we cannot please everyone and that our self-worth does not solely rely on external validation. Setting clear boundaries with clients, colleagues, and even personal connections can help protect our mental and emotional well-being.
10. Support networks: Building a strong support network, including mentors, colleagues, and trusted friends or family members, can provide lawyers with a safe space for discussing concerns, seeking guidance, and receiving constructive feedback. Surrounding oneself with supportive individuals can counterbalance the impact of negative opinions.

?Conclusion

Lawyers must recognize the immense value in not allowing the opinions of others to consume them. By embracing our inner strength and resilience, we can safeguard our decision-making, preserve our mental well-being, and maintain authenticity. Through self-awareness, mindfulness, and constructive feedback evaluation, we can filter out unwarranted criticism and focus on our professional growth. By setting healthy boundaries, seeking support networks, and celebrating our achievements, we can rise above external judgments and foster a fulfilling legal career. Let us remember that the path to success lies not in appeasing every opinion but in remaining steadfast, confident, and committed to the pursuit of solutions for our clients.

If you can benefit from support in how you respond to others' opinions about you, reach out to me for a courtesy call: https://calendly.com/garymiles-successcoach/one-one-discovery-call