The Laws of Human Nature

Master your emotions and embrace rational thinking

People aren’t naturally rational – they have biased beliefs which can relate to emotional, irrational reactions to situations and events. To gain mastery over your emotions, become aware of biases that stem from the “pleasure principle” – the desire to avoid pain and maximize experiences that feel good. Your biases could take these forms:

• Confirmation bias – People search for facts that support conclusions they want to believe. Search instead for facts that disprove your position.
• Conviction bias – People vehemently defend an idea they want to believe rather than remaining open to nuance.
• Appearance bias – People present themselves in ways that cultivate an image others see as positive. For example, they may try to appear wealthy, hardworking or attractive.
• Group bias – People don’t closely examine ideas that their social group holds true.
• Blame bias – People want to avoid being wrong, so they don’t consider their mistakes closely.
• Superiority bias – People view themselves as more decent, ethical and rational than others, and see only others’ mistakes, not their own.

Overcome your biases by gaining awareness of your triggers, which can arise from many sources, such as early childhood trauma or external stresses.

“As long as there are humans, the irrational will find its voices and means of spreading.”

Familiarize yourself with your emotional responses, and cultivate rational thinking by maintaining a healthy balance of curiosity and skepticism.

Transform natural narcissistic tendencies into empathy

People are social animals who exist on a narcissism spectrum. Craving validation and attention is natural, since it nurtures feelings of self-worth. People who learn to validate themselves have healthy self-esteem, whereas those with an unstable self-image can become “deep narcissists.” Such people can have unsatisfying, harmful relationships and tend to view those close to them as “self-objects” they want to control for their own ends. Narcissistic leaders – historical examples include Cicero, the treacherous Athenian Alcibiades and Emperor Nero – are particularly dangerous. They anger easily, thrive on interpersonal drama and create unstable environments.

“We are all narcissists, some deeper on the spectrum than others. Our mission in life is to come to terms with this self-love and learn how to turn our sensitivity outward, toward others, instead of inward.”

Learn the characteristics of deep narcissists – such as visible impatience when others aren’t talking about them, a desire to isolate those close to them and an erratic, volatile temperament. Learn to spot them to prevent them from causing you harm. Most people are “functional narcissists.” Because they have self-worth, they build and maintain relationships. Be mindful of your own natural narcissistic tendencies. Work on transforming yourself into a “healthy narcissist,” who is resilient and has a healthy sense of self, responds to others with empathy and focuses energy on your work.

See beyond the roles people play by studying their nonverbal cues

People portray themselves as having positive qualities, such as confidence and strength, while hiding their negative qualities. Polish your observational skills to see past the roles people play. Study the nonverbal cues that betray people’s true desires and provide subtext. No gesture is empty; everything from people’s breathing patterns to the objects on their desks provides clues revealing their true feelings.

“Everything people do is a sign of some sort; there is no such thing as a gesture that does not communicate.”

Pay attention to those close to you, observing their baseline, or typical, behaviors. When their behavior deviates from their norm, you’ll know they’re experiencing an emotional state, such as distress. Familiarize yourself with their microexpressions and subtle signs of hostility, such as squinted eyes, pursed lips and feet pointing away from you. Pay attention to mixed signals, such as tone of voice, tension-filled smiles that can indicate contempt, and nonverbal indicators of dominance and submission. Dominant people make eye contact with whomever they please, while the insecure engage in self-soothing actions, such as stroking themselves. After you study their nonverbal cues, manage your own behaviors to control the impressions you make on others.

Assess people’s characters by studying their choices and behavioral patterns

Evaluate other people’s characters by looking past the facade they present and paying attention to their actions. People tend to develop behavioral patterns in early childhood, and those patterns determine their characters later in life. People show their characters in how they handle responsibility, work with others, make decisions and solve problems. For example, someone’s choice of a spouse reveals his or her character: Does a person choose a younger or less-successful partner he or she can control, or an older partner who can act as a surrogate parent?

“People of real strength are as rare as gold, and if you find them, you should respond as if you had a discovered a treasure.”

Avoid people who show signs of toxic character, such as “hyperperfectionists” who demonstrate their weaknesses in their desire to oversee every aspect of work projects. Beware of those who tend to leave relationships on bad terms. They may be “relentless rebels,” continuing to cling to adolescent thinking.

Make yourself and what you produce desirable to others

People love fantasy, so stimulate their imaginations by paying attention to their hidden desires. This bolsters your power over them. Think of yourself and the things you produce or create as objects of desire. You won’t stimulate desire in anyone by revealing every single thing about yourself. Cultivate an aura of mystery.

“Dangle in front of others what they are missing most in life, what they are forbidden to have, and they will go crazy with desire.”

Stimulate desire in others by withdrawing periodically and making yourself unavailable, creating the impression that different people are competing for your attention or your work, carefully managing rivalries, and associating your brand with something boundary-pushing, politically advanced or unconventional. Assess your desires and prioritize those that expand your self-knowledge, personal power, and sense of calm and focus.

Transform your repressed desires into creativity

Everyone has a “dark side,” a socially unacceptable personality whose aspects they repress. Psychologist Carl Jung referred to this facet of human nature as “the Shadow.” To understand other people’s Shadows, pay attention to when they fail to conceal their repressed negative desires. Look for contradictory behavior, emotional outbursts and moments of denial – such as someone who insists that he or she doesn’t care about other people’s opinions. Examine and acknowledge your negative traits – that robs them of their power. Increase your empathy toward others who grapple with their flaws.

“Become aware of your own dark side. In being conscious of it, you can control and channel the creative energies that lurk in your unconscious.”

To control your Shadow, identify it by scrutinizing your destructive hidden desires, such as revenge fantasies or insecurities. Embrace your repressed desires, and integrate them into your personality with authenticity. For example, perhaps you joke about your dark side, or channel negative feelings into political action. Explore your unconscious desires through creative or inventive work. Never fear showing your Shadow.

Overcome destructive feelings of superiority over others

Many people imagine they’re superior to others. People often experience some degree of success, and then indulge themselves in feelings of grandiosity. Having an unrealistically high self-image leads to irrational decisions. Pay attention to destructive signs of superiority in others and yourself. These indicators include excessive defensiveness when facing criticism, dislike of authority and the irrational certainty that your plans will result in positive outcomes.

“Grandiosity is a form of primal energy we all possess. It impels us to want something more than we have, to be recognized and esteemed by others and to feel connected to something larger.”

Feeling a sense of grandiosity is natural, but don’t lose yourself in fantasies of your own greatness. Cultivate “practical grandiosity” by gaining confidence in your abilities through your work and by channeling your desire for greatness and attention into actions that benefit the world.

Cultivate personality traits that associate with either gender

People tend to identify with masculine or feminine gender roles, embracing the gendered behaviors they feel others expect of them. People often form negative gender-based relationship dynamics in early childhood. For example, women whose fathers doted excessively on them as children may become hopeless romantics and try to win the affection of rakish men. Men whose mothers didn’t care enough for them in early childhood may project unrealistic fantasies of their ideal female onto elusive women.

“In bringing out the masculine or feminine undertone to your character, you will fascinate people by being authentically yourself.”

Become aware of limiting gender roles in your relationships, and cultivate positive aspects of your personality by embodying qualities people associate with both genders. This may entail embracing both holistic “feminine” and analytical “masculine” ways of thinking. You’ll attract others when you overcome rigid gender binaries and fluidly adopt the qualities that most appeal to you.

Become the leader people want to follow and overcome the fickleness of the group

People are fickle by nature. They often feel ambivalent about those in charge, liking them one moment and turning against them when they show weakness. Accept and polish your leadership skills by uprooting and overcoming feelings of entitlement. Work hard, be accountable and make sacrifices for your goals. Avoid appearing selfish, indecisive or petty by being empathetic to the group’s moods and desires, confidently moving toward a long-term vision.

“Authority is the delicate art of creating the appearance of power, legitimacy and fairness while getting people to identify with you as a leader who is in their service.”

Discover an authentic leadership style that works for you, whether you’re someone who prefers to teach or someone who operates like a healer by helping others find fulfillment. Cultivate inner authority by accepting your duty to contribute to society using your unique talents.

Anticipate zeitgeist moments and use them to your advantage

Societal norms are constantly in flux. This change is imperceptible unless you look closely. Dynamics of power – among classes, industries and regions, for example – shift regularly. Younger generations often have less respect for institutions older generations venerate. Don’t accept the status quo. Pay attention to what people desire as a collective. Observe shifting styles in areas that reveal early signs of changing societal values, such as fashion and music.

“Think of yourself as an enemy of the status quo, whose proponents must view you in turn as dangerous. See this task as absolutely necessary for the revitalization of the human spirit and the culture at large, and master it.”

Examine your values, feelings and viewpoints, and note how the norms of your generation influence you. Pay attention to the ways aging changes your perspective and mood. Try not to lose the positive aspects of youth, such as curiosity and humility. Studying shifting collective trends lets you develop understanding of the spirit of the moment, or zeitgeist, and harness its potential.

Avoid dead-end life paths by cultivating a sense of purpose

People need a sense of purpose. Yet many drift aimlessly from job to job, or fall victim to false purposes, such as rigid belief systems, cults, and the excessive pursuit of money or pleasure. Find your life’s purpose by reflecting on what excited you in childhood or moments you remember performing tasks with ease. In pursuing your chosen purpose or calling, let yourself experience “flow,” where you lose yourself in the task at hand and ego-based thoughts slip away.

“Even our moments of doubt, even our failures have a purpose – to toughen us up. With such energy and direction, our actions have unstoppable force.”

Don’t let criticism of your failures distract you as you align yourself with your life’s purpose. Find people who have the skills you lack, and keep them in your inner circle to help your achieve your goals. Break your objectives into small tasks you can tackle each day.

Achieve your goals by accepting your own mortality

Most people hide from the reality of death, but accepting your mortality will trigger your purpose and urgency. Facing your mortality creates empathy. The inevitability of death binds everyone. Focusing on death sharpens your perspective, as you determine which of your priorities matter and rid yourself of illusions.

“By becoming deeply aware of our mortality, we intensify our experience of every aspect of life.”

Accepting mortality lets you experience life more fully and profoundly. Those who hide from the reality of death diminish their levels of awareness. Focusing on death, or that which you can’t comprehend, means focusing on the sublime – something that fills you with fear, awe and wonder.

Bentley Moore Executive

We hope that you found this article both insightful and of use.

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About the Author

Robert Greene is the New York Times best-selling author of The Art of Seduction, The 48 Laws of Power, The 33 Strategies of War and Mastery.