The law of unintended consequences

When is the last time you did something that changed your life?

Did that change turn out the way you expected?

I bet for most of you the answer to that second question is something along the lines of “hmmm, not exactly,” if not an outright “no.”

We make decisions every day that change the direction of our lives. Even if that’s just about which train we catch in the morning, or what we have for lunch.

We can never truly predict what the cumulative outcome of those decisions might be, no matter how inconsequential they might seem.

After all, that train you catch could mean bumping into an old friend who happens to be travelling at the same time as you.

You might pick the one dodgy crayfish salad that leads to a dicky tummy and an important deadline missed.

Or, as happened to me recently, that randomly chosen cinema ticket for a truly terrible movie might seat you next to someone with the most infectious laugh, leading to an instant friendship that lasts all of 95 minutes but feels like it could have been a lifetime.

Of course, there are those moments that we know are going to be transformative.

The big beginnings and endings.

Jobs and relationships.

Births, marriages and deaths

But every single decision is a fork in the road. It all mounts up.

We can’t know where all those forks and branches might eventually take us.

If we were to give equal weight to every choice we have to make, we would become totally paralysed by the potential implications. All those alternate universes and sliding doors. All that uncertainty.

And yet, we move through time and choose this path or that. Those shoes, this shirt, that job…

It reminds me of the familiar Taoist parable of the old farmer, whose response to every change in circumstance is “Who knows what’s good or bad?”

Each shift in fortune neither a blessing nor a curse.

Simply a new fork, a new path.

What sparks these decisions? How do we even begin to make life choices when outcomes are so unclear.

The answers are internal, at least as much (if not more) than circumstance.

Each one of us views the world through their own unique lens. One shaped by our experiences, our backgrounds, our beliefs.

As one of my coaches Laura Husson has described it, it’s like those old-fashioned eye tests where the optician places two different pieces of round glass in front of our eyes.

This one? ... Or this one?

This one? ... Or this one?

With some the choice seems clear. Obvious.

With others, the words ahead are so out of focus that it can feel impossible to distinguish which is best.

And yet, we move through time and choose this path or that. Those shoes, this shirt, that job…

I’ve written before about how leadership is about making decisions even with incomplete information, especially in times of uncertainty.

Self-leadership is just the same.

Unless we can understand our own unique view on the world, we can never find ways to make those difficult choices.

Even the smallest choices can be overburdened with import.

We can never move forwards.

That’s why every journey towards transformation begins with self-awareness.

With wiping down that lens.

To find a clearer view.

“Because you never know where life is going to take you, and you can’t change where you’ve been, but today I have the opportunity to choose” - India Arie

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Helping women in the creative industries reveal their inner awesome, so they can practice more compassion in their life, leadership and wellbeing without cracking up, giving up, or compromising their core beliefs