"Law of the Opposites" Discovery of reactance.

Through lived experiences I have learned that telling people what to do or what not to do inadvertently causes them to feel trapped in a metaphorical prison. This notion is amplified when a request in good faith is presented and then denied for any reason. Now, if the request in good faith is completely ignored for whatever reason will force a bitter and destructive reaction that neither party will expect. Either way, the results are unfathomable for both sides.

The terminology for this is “Psychological Reactance” and the official definition is as follows: an unpleasant motivational reaction to offers, persons, rules, or regulations that threaten or eliminate specific?behavioral?freedoms. Reactance occurs when an individual feels that an agent is attempting to limit one's choice of response and/or range of alternatives.

It was in my high school years that I first observed this behavior. It was at a Walmart, and I witnessed a young child thrashing about screaming her lungs out in a shopping cart because her mother denied her a toy that she wanted so badly.

When I got home that same day, I witnessed that same behavior in one of my nephews. He wanted to go outside and play with his Legos. His mom denied his request and said it was because he would just lose all the pieces and come back inside to cry about it either way.

Being the “Nice Uncle” that I am, I plot down next to him and ask if he had done what his mom was accusing him of in the past? He nodded his head obediently, acknowledging his mom’s accusation. He stopped crying immediately and just sat there staring. It was as if he had lost all hope of ever doing anything ever again.

I went to put my things away and came back a few minutes later. He was still sitting in the exact same spot and still just staring. ?

It was then that I realized it was no longer about him going outside. It was then that I started feeling what he was feeling. On top of it all, I realized that it was me who was the deciding factor that put him there.

At the time, I thought this was something only I had observed and decided to give it a name. I coined it, “Law of the Opposites.” When you tell someone, they can’t do or have something, the unconscious response will be to rebel. Both the “Googler” and I observed this in children. There are very few sources that speak on a solution and observed behaviors in adults.

Like my therapist, all the sources speak of reframing moments like this to see it as no longer a threat to freedom. No sources speak as to how we can prevent these types of occurrences from happening again. Maybe it’s stated in the observances or the definition itself but not stated implicitly.

"Awareness is attention to your blindside." "Attention is front and center." "Intent is pursuit there of."

Tune your attention... - Mr. Leng Xiong