THE LAW OF DECLINING MARGINAL UTILITY AND RELATIONSHIPS

That was a conversation over an evening tea with the visitors from Britain. Mrs. Barbara Smith and Mr. Smith have been my long-term friends. Sipping the Darjeeling tea, Mrs. Smith remarked “I cannot live without you, not a single day,” said this man twenty years before.” She was pointing her fingers at Mr. Smith. “Now it is difficult to get one full day of his time for me.” She said with a cheeky smile. Mr. Smith also had a tender smile, and he whispered something into my ears. Mrs. Smith reacted “I know what he would have whispered. The law of declining marginal utility. That is his most favourite subject.” All of us smiled. But the conversation did provoke a huge debate in my mind. “Law of declining marginal utility in relationships?” And I could see, a fair amount of research has already been done on this topic, both by economists and behavioural scientists. The decline in the mutual affection among the married couple over a defined period has been an intense subject of study by many psychologists.

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Varshney and Diwakar were good friends with almost same line of thinking in their profession. Varshney was good in product design, while Diwakar understood the market behaviour. They launched an enterprise with their expertise as the capital. The business took off quite well. Over the five years, their profit curve did move ahead. But, when I met Mr. Diwakar, he said that he is getting out of the business. “I suppose the company is doing well” I said. “Of course, quite well. But increasingly I feel marginalized. Having known from about the market reach and the influence strategies, my friend Varshney is keeping me out of several key issues. He does not need me anymore. Possibly, he finds I do not have the same charm. He finds less utility value in me, as I am not an expert in production.” I wondered whether it was another typical case of declining marginal utility. May or may not be.

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The law of diminishing marginal utility says that the marginal utility from each additional unit declines as consumption increases. The marginal utility may decrease into negative utility, as it may become entirely unfavourable to consume another unit of any product. However, the application of this concept might have differing impacts on tangible and intangible subjects. In tangible areas of study, it might have a measurable value, a data to support and a graph to study. But in intangible areas, it may be observable, experiential, and yet not adequately measurable. Longer periods of association, larger units of consumption and extended universe of association without adequate mutual engagement and the like might impact the relationship leading to frustration, distaste, and an urge to move to similar or parallel behavioural situations. It would not let the mind to romance with any new idea, suggestion, or creative engagement.

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Sir William Hazlitt, a noted author and essayist remarks “For a person to read his own works over with any great delight, he ought first to forget that he ever wrote them. Familiarity naturally breeds contempt.” (Chapter 1 of Table talk).

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Paradigm shifts in pursuits of interest, changing aspirations and in tools employed for gratification of the needs, urges and outcomes might create situations when relationships for find themselves declining value, irrelevant or an interference or a roadblock to growth. The declining interest in relationships may result in value disintegration, depreciation and in challenging the strength of bonds and resulting in loosening the strength of the fabric of relationship.

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The reason for declining marginal utility in relationships could also be born out of shifting paradigms in outlook, enhanced gravitation to other patterns of consumerist products or utilities, changing preferences in instruments that gravitate different and faster utility and the like. Relationships tend to get weakened or frozen. Silent distancing, non-availability to stay together, finding reasons to explain differential priorities are some ways by which the people tend to dissolve the relationship over a period.

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Fear of proximity also sometimes leads to reconsider the relationship strategies, because one sees new angles of misuse, abuse, or exploitation of relationships when intimacy develops. On the contrary, proximity could also lead to loss of respect, contempt and taking advantage of the relationship. This could also force one or the other beneficiaries of relationship to liquidate the bond and reconsider such relationships. An interesting story from Aesop’s tales explains the situation: “When first the Fox saw the Lion, he was terribly frightened and ran away and hid himself in the wood. Next time however he came near the King of Beasts he stopped at a safe distance and watched him pass by. The third time they came near one another the Fox went straight up to the Lion and passed the time of day with him, asking him how his family were, and when he should have the pleasure of seeing him again; then turning his tail, he parted from the Lion without much ceremony” Says William Hazlitt, “Though familiarity may not breed contempt, it takes off the edge of admiration.”

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When Kris joined the new MNC, he was indeed going ga-ga about the organization. He was telling everyone of his friends that the colleagues in the company were superlative professionals. His admiration of others’ performance moved from admiration to addiction. But as weeks moved on ‘the mental fatigue’ consequent to admiration created in him a sense of defeatism as against the consumerist products, when considered for behaviourist trends, one can easily understand how the mental fatigue. Nevertheless, socialization is important to ensure professional and social growth. “Familiarity may breed contempt in some areas of human behaviour, but in the field of social ideas it is the touchstone of acceptability. Because familiarity is such an important test of acceptability, the acceptable ideas have great stability” says John Galbraith US Ambassador.

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Human relationships are mutually supportive. They live and grow by accepting reasonable amounts of declining interests, rewards and despite mild trust deficits. The contribution of these factors to declining marginal utility in relationships and inability for further investments into relationships is indeed a matter of increasing concern in a consumerist society. Any study of the social dynamics would clearly reveal that the number of cases of relationship issues due to declining marginal utility in all types of investments into these relationships has increased rapidly in current times. There are also arguments to show that drawing parallels between products and behaviours on the platform of marginal utility is incorrect in view of several variables that are in their universe.

William Birnbach, the famous American advertisement executive says, “In communications, familiarity breeds apathy.” I think the statement appears largely true. Nurturing, developing, and sustaining a relationship is indeed an art. It calls for careful navigation alongside emotional sensitivity. It is always important to keep an element of myth in ensuring the joy of the relationship. The question that remains unanswered by many – “is the concept of relationship structured on some intangible myths?” To find an answer to this question we may take shelter under the words of Bertrand Russel who said, “There is something feeble and a little contemptible about a man who cannot face the perils of life without the help of comfortable myths.”

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