Laugh, Cry, or Punch a Hole Through The Wall

The hit TV show The Office often imitates authentic office culture. In one episode of The Office,?Jim Halpert (John Krasinski) becomes frustrated with his coworker, Andy Bernard (Ed Helms), need for attention.

As a prank, Jim hides Andy’s cell phone above the office area in the ceiling. Andy's cell phone has the ring tone sound of himself singing all four quartet parts to the song “Rockin’ Robin”. The phone keeps getting called but Andy can’t find his phone anywhere. Andy’s anger builds more and more throughout the episode. Andy has been trying to build a closer friendship with?his boss,?Michael Scott (Steve Carell),?but it created more of an awkwardness instead.?

Andy approaches Michael about hanging out together on Saturday but it backfires. Michael?finally pops and says, “No! Stop it! You are going to drive me crazy.” Andy is shocked and offended that Michael is rejecting his bromance love for him. Jim decides to make another call to Andy’s cell phone right after this happens. Andy hears the ring tone, which causes him to lecture the entire office staff on how messing with people’s stuff is not funny. Andy turns around, yells loudly in frustration, and punches a hole through the wall with his fist. The office is stunned, and Jim hangs up the phone in disbelief of Andy’s actions. Andy tries to cover up his actions by saying, “That was an overreaction. I’m going to the breakroom. Pam, do you need anything? Ok.”

I hope that no one has experienced this exact situation in the office. As a leader, you might have overreacted or you saw someone else do so. My blog title is saying that we all handle stress in different ways. Some people find crying is a way to release the tension they feel. It’s okay to cry. My wife cries when she is feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. Some might laugh because the stress is heavy, and it feels like more is piling up. It’s a way to say, “Did this just happen?” or ?“Now this too?!” ?Again, it’s a way to release the stress. Lastly, I think some leaders need to express their stress with physicalness. This needs to be done in a controlled environment. All three must be done with boundaries and self-control. The TV episode above showed how Andy did not have self-control.

What leads to someone flipping out? I think there are several reasons, but ultimately, a lack of self-control is the problem. Self-control is defined by Merriam-Webster as “restraint exercised over one’s impulses, emotions, or desires.” Why is self-control so important as a leader? How can we be sure we show it to our team? I will give some tips and explanations as to why self-control is critical for a good leader.

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QUICK TO LISTEN, SLOW TO SPEAK

This is a phrase that I’ve learned in Sunday School and from many counselors. Listening to the person and understanding the why behind their view is essential. It does not mean you have to agree with that person but it’s important to listen. Sometimes, an overreaction will happen because of a knee-jerk reaction to the moment. I’ve had plenty of these, and many did not improve the situation. Taking time to process the moment and holding off on saying words can give you the advantage of not responding foolishly. I am not saying you can’t respond with your initial thoughts, but give it time to process. Emotions are great but they need to be controlled.? This is an excellent way for a leader to show self-control.

CALL A TIME OUT

It’s okay to say you need time to process the situation. You can call a time-out when your emotions are about to take over. I do not suggest just walking out of the room. That could cause more damage to the situation. Instead, tell the person this is a lot of information and you need time to process. I would not let the person leave without knowing when you plan on getting back to them with a response. The key is knowing when you are feeling your emotions start to take over. You will not regret having more time to process but regret acting out of anger.

PHONE A FRIEND

It’s good to talk through the situation with someone who is not at your company but also a leader. This could be your spouse, a mentor, a business leader, etc. Find someone that you are not gossiping with but a person who will be 100% honest with you. Be sure you aren’t finding people who will just side with you because of your friendship. Talking through the situation with someone not at your company can help avoid a conflict of interest. This is similar to when you are taking a time out but instead of doing internal processing, you are now seeking external advice.

Handling stress is a tough thing for all of us. Leaders are called to be better than most because people follow our behavior. More is caught than taught. I think it’s normal to want to laugh, cry, or punch a hole through the wall when things become stressful. I hope this blog gives you some encouragement and positive tips?on navigating through stressful moments with self-control.?

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