The late bloomer

Last year my five year old son, Achu, was very excited to sow his mango seed. The idea of a plant sprouting from not-so-useful looking seed of the delicious mango which he had relished that day was nothing less than magic for him!

Armed with his small spade and a plastic container, he went with  his elder brother, Adi,  to get some soil for his ‘plant egg’- he had already made this connection based on his previous knowledge of hen’s eggs! “Well, if an egg makes hen and a seed makes a plant, so seed is a plant egg!” I stopped myself from going on giving an elaborate explanation of how the two are from different kingdoms, instead I just marvelled at the great connection he just made.

My elder son became his gardening teacher, explaining how we need a hole at the base of the container, flat stones, pebbles and soil in the right proportion to have a good drainage. Hats off to his teacher!

Considering the space economy we have in cities we just used our balcony to start a small garden which started off with the ‘mango plant egg’ and soon added more ‘friends’ to ensure that the ‘mango plant egg doesn’t feel lonely’ once it sprouts! The lemon seeds made their way to the balcony, and then came the jack-fruit seeds and then the coconut fruit which was kept as a holy offering! He kept a close vigil on his ‘babies’ and ensured that his dad waters them every morning. The plastic food containers were carefully washed and stored to be used as planters. Adi started composting the vegetable waste to get more fertile soil for Achu’s plants. It was a whole lot of collaborative effort!

Gradually we got tiny green 'babies' jutting their heads out from the soil cover! Some fast growing plants were transferred to the village field in Gothane, Sindhudurg. Almost all of them made their way up except the ‘mango plant egg’! I thought that he had forgotten about it but my curiosity about the mango seed got the better of me! I decided to check on it by digging it back just to ensure it is not too deep or infected. It was fine. Then after a week I decided to change its soil. After all it was my son’s first love! I had to ensure it grows! “Why are you doing this again and again?” startled by Achu’s sudden question I just managed to make an excuse saying I got some good soil for it to grow faster.

“No you don’t have to! Just give it some time and it will be fine. It will grow when it decides to grow!” Together we put it back in the same soil and I realised that he had not given up hope for his late bloomer!

His statement led me to a deep introspection though. Just like an over cautious parent I had tried to control all the surroundings for my kid. I wanted to give him the best, happy experiences, avoid failures, and eliminate struggles. As parents we expect so much from our kids: has he/she hit the milestone? Are they learning their numbers and letters? Does he answer in the class? Does she read at her level? If not then when will she do it? What app should I buy to help her to do so? He writes letters backwards, is that a problem, should I consult some expert? Analyse all the causes and concerns, compare with siblings, friends’ children (OMG! Her son started talking when he was 10 months and mine doesn’t say a word at his first birthday!) and  then worry, worry and worry! All this to avoid failure, avoid struggle and give the best to our angels!

Yes, being a cautious parent about the necessary milestone is not bad but sometimes with the fast pace of today’s world we tend to stress too much on our kids learning things at the ‘right time’ or even expect them to do most of the things earlier! But who decides what the right time is and who knows which things they should learn at which time? Research will be the pat answer! We know research takes place in varied environments with different parameters. Are all those taken into consideration when we as parents are analysing our child on the basis of that research? If we are not sure of how to answer this question then we should rely more on our hunches as a parent than that research which is done in some university in some controlled condition with some unrelated sample!

Yes waiting is painful, annoying and sometimes frustrating! It’s hard to watch your kid not able to do what others can do easily and how hard it must be for the kid to know that he/she cannot do what he/she is expected to do! And how heart breaking it must be for him or her to see the parent feeling frustrated and angry about it! The soil doesn’t ask the seed, “When will you grow up? Look at others, they already started blooming!” The seed takes its own time and the soil is fine with it! Just like my son said, “It will grow when it decides to grow!” Till then I have to be a patient facilitator for his growth!

Few weeks later Achu was proudly showing off his mango seedling to his friends in the balcony! The mango baby had a ‘caring parent’ who gave it the space and time to grow!