Last Week's Leadership Lessons - November 20, 2023

Lessons From The Week of November 13th

This Week:?1. Loneliness / 2. Asking For Support / 3. Gratitude - HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Reader Beware:?If you've been here before, you know the drill. Please feel free to jump right on ahead to the list of stories. If not, read from here on to understand what I'm trying to capture in the?Last Week's Leadership Lessons?series.

Talking about leadership can be repetitive and boring as hell!

We're always seeing and hearing the same old definitions, constructs, and formal tips related to and regurgitated about the leadership field, every so often punctuated by a perpetually rotating door of the latest industry buzzwords.

Even with all its great energy and intention, the themes and hopes of the leadership discipline, admittedly, can become a little monotonous -- without great stories and living examples to wake them up.

(Granted, I post about them as well. Guilty. So I guess maybe I mean "overkill." The?overkill?of your run-of-the-mill leadership ideas is what I'm trying to supplement -- and maybe unlock -- here through more unique takes and lenses.)

Hence why I launched this series.

The way the world is going, I think it's essential to think about and take in more lessons on humanity in general than leadership specifically.

In this series, I want to capture themes and ideas for leadership -- while being particularly cautious that they not be necessarily conveyed as leadership lessons in the articles or sources I cite. I want to find examples that demonstrate more lessons about?HUMANITY?than the usual script of clichéd leadership building blocks.

The way the world is going, I think it's essential to think about and take in more lessons on humanity in general than leadership specifically. And it's not like I'm forsaking one for the other; the former should inform and be the foundation for the latter. (That's just me. That's just my take.)

And to be clear, these valuable lessons, as I express them, aren't carved in stone. My translations aren't absolute. They can't be. It's not that simple. I think that's what gets us in trouble when it comes to learning (or not) about society and each other: Most issues are typically seen as black and white, left and right, up and down, one side or the other. But again, it's not that simple. Not everything can be. We force it to be that way.

In most instances -- not all, but in most -- there is room for interpretation and different ideas and views to be exchanged somewhere on the middle ground. More nuance exists than we typically see -- or will admit.

And in that nuance there's beauty. Because in that nuance we can learn from each other. And because of that nuance, each of my interpretations is just one option for consideration in that middle ground of learning.

All that being said, below are three articles I came across last week that have valuable lessons for leadership, purpose, and expression. In reading these pieces, you may find the lessons for leadership do not immediately stand out or reveal themselves -- and that's because lessons can range from the loud, obvious, and obnoxious to the subtle, unassuming, and hidden. In my breakdowns below I'll first cover the idea?In General?and then it's applicability?In Leadership.

...it never hurts to continue learning from your fellow human beings, whether you know them or not.

And although the source materials are not all leadership-related per se, they can all apply to leadership -- in terms of how you present yourself, navigate through life and work, and move, impact, inspire, and appreciate others.

Even if you feel you've already crafted your leadership to where you want it to be and the results clearly show it -- where others can get behind them and vouch for you -- it never hurts to continue learning from your fellow human beings, whether you know them or not.

Gestures, speeches, action, inaction, decisions, announcements, etc. They all tie in.

So bear with me. Some of them might seem like a stretch. But have some faith that I may be crazy -- but not?too?crazy.

This practice is merely effort to learn about ourselves, where we can improve, and how we can evolve.

Lessons are everywhere.

1. Feeling A/Loneliness

In General

Society tends to have a broad idea of what loneliness is. It merely looks like being alone. But as most people can feel and sense, you can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely. The facade can look one way while the mind and heart can feel quite different. Connection -- TRUE connection -- is important for most people.

That loneliness has been declared a epidemic is indicative of how much we've lost true connection in this world. Maybe technology plays a part in it, but we've let it happen. It's on each of us to come to terms with what loneliness means and looks like to us, to then understand and determine what it is we need for ourselves to offset it.

A leader deserves to be seen -- REALLY seen and understood, not just noticed and respected -- just as much as anyone else.

In Leadership

"Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown." Good ole Shakespeare. A variation on the quote could also read, "Lonely lies the head..." Aside from the pressure of the work itself, leaders can feel lonely. (And this plays into the vulnerability covered further down in this edition.)

Most leaders operate with a facade of strength -- even if they don't feel it on the inside. They may feel they have nowhere to turn, no one to support them, no one to pick or hold them up when they feel uncertain and insecure themselves. That's one of my points of pride as a coach: The client can confide in me those sensations. Those feelings don't linger and fester, chipping away at them from the inside. A leader deserves to be seen -- REALLY seen and understood, not just noticed and respected -- just as much as anyone else.

How might you deal with loneliness in a leadership role (or in any role, for that matter)? What does loneliness look like to you, and what do you need to do to undo that feeling when you sense it?

Check Out The Article?HERE!

2. Becoming Listener Supported

In General

In that same vein of understanding yourself to gauge your own feelings and sensations of loneliness, there's the need to do something about it and make some moves for yourself. It might mean coming up with a plan of action, with steps to take to recover from those sensations. One of those steps may entail reaching out for help.

We're so bad at asking for support, seeking consideration of and help with our own needs. Most of us might help others to no end, but then feel guilty or weak or not worthy when we want/need to be supported ourselves. We need to take responsibility for ourselves, though, and ask for what we need, not leaving ourselves on the back burner.

So many leaders feel that if they ask for support or help of any kind, they might as well relinquish their leadership card.

In Leadership

Leaders need support, too. They don't have to take everything on themselves, giving of themselves without receiving in return. (Here comes that vulnerability that I mentioned above...but haven't gotten to yet below.)

So many leaders feel that if they ask for support or help of any kind, they might as well relinquish their leadership card. "I'm the one who needs to keep my shit together. Others come to me for support. I can't look weak. I need to look strong." Bullshit.

Leadership isn't about not asking for support or seeking resources for yourself. Yes, it's about facilitating, fostering, and empowering great work, resources, and environments for others -- but not at your own expense.

How do you go about asking for support? Who do you go to? Why? Are you getting enough support?

Check Out The Article?HERE!

3. The Altitude of Gratitude

In General

Another concept, which is growing in popularity -- and, honestly, preached about to death -- is gratitude. I'll jump on that bandwagon and keep preaching it. I'm not always good at it, admittedly. I get ahead of myself and forget to look around at today's achievements instead of just fighting for tomorrow's goals.

We're not a society that relishes the moment. We constantly chase the next adrenaline-pumping thrill, move, and achievement. We're primitive. Don't stay still. Can't stay still. On to the next thing. Our default programming to move forward contains no cue for regularly saying thank you for, or at least acknowledging, where we are and what we have.

Our default programming to move forward contains no cue for regularly saying thank you for, or at least acknowledging, where we are and what we have.

In Leadership

We shouldn't constantly need to move forward. Instead, we can pause (just pause) to acknowledge and take in where we stand so we can determine where to walk (or run) from there. Leaders always want to work forward. They want bigger and better for themselves and their people. I think most people curious enough to read this newsletter feel the same. Development. Learning. Growth. Going Higher. Moving forward!

But peace of mind is powerful. There's peace in looking around and realizing, I'm still here. This is what I have. This is what I've done. With that peace of mind and credit a leader grants themselves, they can move forward with a clear mind and better focus, instead of operating under constant tension and urgency. They're not just racing forward full of adrenaline, pressure, and fight.

Where do you find the time in your life and work to be thankful for what you've achieved and what you have?

Check Out The Article?HERE!

Honorable Mention

Lean On Me

In Leadership

There's a power in seeing people, a power they themselves sense in being seen. The world is full of reaction, everyone racing around, putting out fires, and getting things done. But to pause and take a moment and understand what someone might be going through and how they're feeling does wonders. Not just hearing or listening to what someone is saying but relating to it (if possible). When it's needed, how do you go about making someone feel understood and related to? Empathy will have its detractors and naysayers, for a host of reasons. Again, anything mentioned here is just something I want you to consider as a possible addition to your arsenal in learning, development, leadership -- and connection.

Check Out The Article?HERE!

Honorable Mention

Kind vs. Nice

In Leadership

Both are important, but even more important is understanding the subtle nuances between words and their meanings. There are various words we use interchangeably -- sympathy vs. empathy, for instance -- which have slightly different meanings. This is a reminder to leaders to understand the subtleties in the language they use and the actions they take -- especially when it comes to distinguishing when an intention (or appearance) is of serving others versus serving oneself. How are you especially careful not to carry out actions and intentions with a guise of service but which really are self-serving?

Check Out The Article?HERE!

That's it! Those are the main articles for this week.

What other examples of leadership lessons – maybe even those that aren’t so apparent and obvious – do you come across in your everyday life and work?

What have you read lately that offers some insight on being human and navigating life -- and yes, by default, leadership.

Reach out to me?and let me know what you think of these. Please share your own if you've found articles or stories with great lessons or insights that can contribute to how we carry ourselves through our lives and work.

Okay...A Leadership Article

Okay, yes. I had to include an article that is focused on leadership. At least one.

The Vulnerable Leader

Here comes another cliché! (I know. I'm full of them. But with good reason.)

Vulnerability is strength.

It's the ability to open up about where you are mentally, physically, emotionally, etc., and how you're feeling. It's strength in that you know who you are, what's going on, and are open enough to admit it. It may not be easy, and it'll definitely be uncomfortable when first practiced. We as a society aren't brought up to appreciate moments of caution, lack of control, or uncertainty. But the more vulnerability's practiced, the easier it gets to share, recover, and move forward. At a certain point, it can become just a checkpoint: "Ok, this is where I am, this is what I'm feeling. I need help processing this. Now, let us/me get to work."

When a leader is vulnerable, it can be amazing. They are strong enough to admit something is off and that they might need help. They're demonstrate they're not wasting time. They're not faking. They're not posturing or going through the motions. How many leaders, though, operate out of insecurity of being found out, being seen as weak or afraid, all the while their work suffers because something is off? Whether they know it or not, they're wasting time, money, and face -- and their own ability, health, and growth -- by not just being honest.

Where have you seen vulnerability in the leaders you've admired? How do you practice vulnerability when needed?

Check Out The Article?HERE!

Network Conversations With...Steve Morris - The Connection Between Body & Mind

Recently, I had Business Coach Steve Morris on The Book Leads Podcast to cover the book, The EOS Life: How To Live Your Ideal Entrepreneurial Life by Gino Wickman . Steve is someone who is focused on performance -- of every kind. His educational and career journeys took him from being a mechanical engineering student, to working on racing yachts, to coaching teams based on his experience working with those racing teams.

He also practices meditation, yoga, and wants to set a path for himself to reach the Centenarian Olympics. It's in that same mindset that he brought up:

A healthy body empowers the mind.

What's great about Wickman's book, as Steve shares, is how much attention the book pays to the entrepreneur's own needs. Whether a leader is an entrepreneur or not, that need exists in all of us. We need to make sure we feel right, seen, fulfilled, and happy and healthy enough to proceed into what we want to achieve.

Part of that mindset is the physical, making sure we're taking care of ourselves so we can perform optimally.

Steve's Episode 78 will be out the last week in November. In the meantime, learn more about Steve and his work.

Last 10 LWLL Posts...

November 13, 2023 - 1. What Others Think / 2. Constructive Criticism / 3. Legacy

November 6, 2023 - 1. Moving Forward / 2. Pitching Yourself / 3. Hope

October 23, 2023 - 1. Urgency / 2. Workplace Toxicity / 3. Boundaries

October 16, 2023 - 1. Designing Life / 2. Communication / 3. Stepping Up

October 9, 2023 - 1. Reading People / 2. Stop Overthinking / 3. Healing

October 2, 2023 - 1. Presence / 2. Negative Feedback / 3. Innovation

July 31, 2023 - 1. Non-Verbal Illiteracy / 2. Discomfort / 3. Silence

July 24, 2023 - 1. Play / 2. A Better Person / 3. First Impressions

July 17, 2023 - 1. Mid-Year Reset / 2. Self-Deception / 3. Psychology of Photography

July 10, 2023 - 1. Mentoring / 2. Expectations / 3. Extreme Ownership

Full Directory of Past Posts

What Do YOU Think?

What are your thoughts on these topics? Again, like everything else in this newsletter, the ideas here may not come to mind immediately when you think of leadership, but there's a place for them. These stories and questions ask us to consider how we see, interact with, and influence people -- and leadership is all about people.

Don't Ever Play Yourself

We can't always be on, being 100% of who we are 100% of the time. The world can't handle us at 100%, can it? :0) But how are you being balanced and considerate -- for yourself and others -- in what you show? Careful with those facades you may regret later. How much of who you are and what you want for yourself are you showing? Might you be compromising? It happens more often than you might think.

Check Out The Article?HERE!

Arresting Development

We're not robots. Just doing work gets real old, real quick. How much is your frustration, inner tension, and unhappiness tied to how much you're NOT learning and developing?

Check Out The Article?HERE!

Follow-Up On Past Editions

Here are some follow-up articles that build on, supplement, or intersect with topics covered in previous editions.

There's always a different take or angle to help us refine and build upon a discussion we've had in the past. We can bring either some reinforcement, clarity, or questions to past understandings. Because I just give you the articles and how they connect to previous editions, I leave you to figure out, much how I break down the lessons above, how to extract the lessons for your own leadership.

• Article?on?What Others Think (November 13, 2023 - 1. What Others Think / 2. Constructive Criticism / 3. Legacy)
• Article?on?Thought Leadership (March 27, 2023?- Procrastination / Confident Introversion / Thought Leadership)
• Article?on?Self Talk (May 1, 2023 - Imposter Syndrome / Frustration / Self-Love)

Latest Episodes of The Book Leads - Cindy Gersch & Joe Weston

Episode 76: Cindy Gersch & Manifest: 7 Steps to Living Your Best Life by?Roxie Nafousi

For this conversation, Cindy, an Entrepreneur and Rare Disease Advocate, walks me through how her life changed dramatically when she was diagnosed with Fibromuscular dysplasia (FMD) in 2018. Cindy shares that she lost almost everything -- her husband, her running, her job, most of her friends -- she felt made her who she was at that point -- her identity.

A close brush with death woke her up, though, showing her she could be a healthy person living with a disease instead of an unhealthy person living with a disease. She made that intentional choice and moved forward, doing what she does best -- telling stories.

Having studied broadcast journalism and spent years as reporter -- a natural storyteller -- she founded her own company and later became an advocate for those living with FMD. It was through that advocacy path of her journey that she realized her purpose had put her on a stronger path than she might have otherwise experienced had she never gone through her painful health challenges.

Conversation Highlights

• Even though things may feel as down as they can be, there is always a silver lining.
• The value of having the 1 dime (true friend) vs. 10 pennies (friends who might not come through)
• We don't give ourselves enough love.
• What would the letters you would write to your younger self say?

The MAIN QUESTION underlying my conversation with Cindy is, In life, especially in those moments where you feel lost, how are you intentionally designing your path forward?

Episode 77: Joe Weston & His Book, Mastering Respectful Confrontation: A Guide to Personal Freedom and Empower, Collaborative Engagement

With a career spanning 30+ years in the fields of conflict prevention, leadership, stress management, and communication, the wisdom Joe shares in this conversation and through his books seems to be more timely (and deeply needed) these days than ever.

Having first started out as an actor -- and then teaching his own method -- and specializing in communication, Joe has been drawn to the power of connection and understanding that can lead us as a species to either become more cohesive and connected or fall to disconnection and distrust.

Conversation Highlights

• "Unfortunately, the planet is filled with an enormous amount of information gatherers who haven't learned very much."
• The problems in our world are complicated. The solutions are simple. But implementation is hard work.
• The dangers of Chronic Niceness
• The Power of Assertiveness vs. The Pitfall of Aggression
• How Joe's work helps you get physical vitality, emotional stability, mental clarity, spiritual grounding

The MAIN QUESTION underlying my conversation with Joe is, How do you balance understanding who you really are and what you need/want with your responsibility in what the world needs?

Also included in both podcast articles:

• Mentioned Or Applicable Books
• Mentioned Or Applicable Past Episodes

I'm always looking for a good read full of great and impactful lessons.

Here is the?list of books?I've gotten into in 2023. Reach out if you'd like to come on?The Book Leads?or if you know anyone you'd recommend for that conversation.

What are you reading these days?

Learn more about The Book Leads Podcast.

The Ultimate Guide To Becoming A Successful Soul Professional Book: Launched!

This amazing collaborative anthology?launched?in July! Order your copy here!

In my chapter, I break down what inspired my signature talk,?Platinum Networking: Designing A Unique Experience For Others In A World Of Disconnection,?digging into my story -- and that of and with my parents -- to understand what's behind the way I interact with those in my network, serving them as if they were my clients.

Check out this podcast appearance I recently made leading up to the launch with book publisher?Laura Di Franco?and fellow co-author?Heidi Metro!

The days of traditional networking, where we memorize our elevator pitch and repeat it to everyone we encounter, hoping to gain something only for ourselves, are over.

Our network should be at the top of our client list. We need to elevate their work and reputation as much as our own to build a solid and effective ecosystem of connections, relationships, and success.

About The Book Leads Podcast

On?The Book Leads?podcast, I speak to specialists and experts across various industries and from varied backgrounds to learn about the book that made an impact and left an impression on their work, life, and leadership. In the course of my conversation I also learn about my guest's background, experience, and work they're carrying out today.?

Learn more about The Book Leads and listen to past episodes:

• Watch?on?YouTube
• Listen?on?Spotify
• Listen?on?Google Podcasts
• Listen?on?Apple Podcasts
• Read?About The Book Leads?–?Blog Post

About Me

I'm a Leadership Performance Coach and Consultant at?coachitout.com.?In addition to coaching, and as you can see above, I enjoy writing, podcasting, and speaking about leadership. Specifically, I work with clients to realize what they're all about when it comes to (1) new positions they've been hired or promoted into; and (2) rediscovering what they want out of their leadership, development, and career.

My signature talks include?Design Your Leadership! Nine Ways to Sharpen Your Leadership Brand In The Everyday, and?Platinum Networking: Designing A Unique Experience For Others In A World Of Disconnection.

Please subscribe to my newsletter Last Week's Leadership Lessons, if you haven't already!

Reach out to me at?[email protected].