Last Week's Leadership Lessons - July 31, 2023

Lessons From The Week of July 24, 2023

This Week:?1. Non-Verbal Illiteracy / 2. Discomfort / 3. Silence

Reader Beware:?If you've been here before, you know the drill. Please feel free to jump right on ahead to the list of stories. If not, read from here on to understand what I'm trying to capture in the?Last Week's Leadership Lessons ?series.

Talking about leadership can be repetitive and boring as hell!

We're always seeing and hearing the same old definitions, constructs, and formal tips related to and regurgitated about the leadership field, every so often punctuated by a perpetually rotating door of the latest industry buzzwords.

Even with all its great energy and intention, the themes and hopes of the leadership discipline, admittedly, can become a little monotonous -- without great stories and living examples to wake them up.

(Granted, I post about them as well. Guilty. So I guess maybe I mean "overkill." The?overkill?of your run-of-the-mill leadership ideas is what I'm trying to supplement -- and maybe unlock -- here through more unique takes and lenses.)

Hence why I launched this series.

The way the world is going, I think it's essential to think about and take in more lessons on humanity in general than leadership specifically.

In this series, I want to capture themes and ideas for leadership -- while being particularly cautious that they not be necessarily conveyed as leadership lessons in the articles or sources I cite. I want to find examples that demonstrate more lessons about?HUMANITY?than the usual script of clichéd leadership building blocks.

The way the world is going, I think it's essential to think about and take in more lessons on humanity in general than leadership specifically. And it's not like I'm forsaking one for the other; the former should inform and be the foundation for the latter. (That's just me. That's just my take.)

And to be clear, these valuable lessons, as I express them, aren't carved in stone. My translations aren't absolute. They can't be. It's not that simple. I think that's what gets us in trouble when it comes to learning (or not) about society and each other: Most issues are typically seen as black and white, left and right, up and down, one side or the other. But again, it's not that simple. Not everything can be. We force it to be that way.

In most instances -- not all, but in most -- there is room for interpretation and different ideas and views to be exchanged somewhere on the middle ground. More nuance exists than we typically see -- or will admit.

And in that nuance there's beauty. Because in that nuance we can learn from each other. And because of that nuance, each of my interpretations is just one option for consideration in that middle ground of learning.

All that being said, below are three articles I came across last week that have valuable lessons for leadership, purpose, and expression. In reading these pieces, you may find the lessons for leadership do not immediately stand out or reveal themselves -- and that's because lessons can range from the loud, obvious, and obnoxious to the subtle, unassuming, and hidden. In my breakdowns below I'll first cover the idea?In General?and then it's applicability?In Leadership.

...it never hurts to continue learning from your fellow human beings, whether you know them or not.

And although the source materials are not all leadership-related per se, they can all apply to leadership -- in terms of how you present yourself, navigate through life and work, and move, impact, inspire, and appreciate others.

Even if you feel you've already crafted your leadership to where you want it to be and the results clearly show it -- where others can get behind them and vouch for you -- it never hurts to continue learning from your fellow human beings, whether you know them or not.

Gestures, speeches, action, inaction, decisions, announcements, etc. They all tie in.

So bear with me. Some of them might seem like a stretch. But have some faith that I may be crazy -- but not?too?crazy.

This practice is merely effort to learn about ourselves, where we can improve, and how we can evolve.

Lessons are everywhere.

1. Taking Non-Verbal Cues

In General

The communication we're taught as students doesn't meet the mark. What we were taught was about sharing and conveying ideas with each other. But there was really nothing about the give-and-take of proper conversation. And if we can't even get talking right, how would we ever expect to understand each other when we're not talking?

In coaching, so much of the breakthrough comes not only from asking great questions but deeper listening, which includes paying visual attention to the client's body and facial reactions during the conversation -- ESPECIALLY when a client responds reacts to a question before even responding. You learn to tell when someone is excited, scared, uncertain, angry, hyper-aware, etc., even in the slightest of outward changes and adjustments. And that's through a trained and practiced eye. (I still need all the practice I can get to refine that awareness.)

The general population, though, doesn't pay attention to those little cues. They don't look at the implicit, instead merely listening to what is said explicitly.

The best leaders pay attention to all of it, not just what is said. They practice and learn to sense, read, and pick up on needs based on subtle, less-obvious physical cues.

In Leadership

There are so many times leaders come away from conversations and situations thinking they've gone one way -- that all the bases are covered and everyone is on board with the approach and plan -- and been dead wrong. They heard what they wanted to hear but didn't read the body language.

Much in the same way leadership is a deeply holistic practice of mind, body, and soul for the leader, just as much goes into the way others are impacted, sometimes to their core, by decisions, comments, and conversations. Nothing -- and no one -- is one-dimensional. The best leaders pay attention to all of it, not just what is said. They practice and learn to sense, read, and pick up on needs based on subtle, less-obvious physical cues. This also teaches us to be cognizant of what we want to express to others in those same non-verbal cues.

How do you pick up on others' non-verbal cues? What might you be missing out on because you're only listening to and taking away from the spoken words?

Check Out The Article?HERE !

2. The Discomfort To Meaning

In General

Discomfort is the foundation of such clichéd ideas as stepping outside of your comfort zone to achieve your true potential, or whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, or there's no gain without any pain. And we tended to dismiss clichés in our youth. To us, they were merely phrases and lessons shared to death and that had no meaning for us at that point in our lives. We just couldn't relate. Those ideas sometimes sounded like superhuman feats -- or just useless adult drivel to scare us straight.

At that point, we'd never really been tested to see what we were made of and what we could really accomplish in the arenas of life and work if really pushed. School is just child's play, scripted training for the big games of life and work. But discomfort shows you where your edges of resistance are and how far they can be stressed. Anything short of them, and you're operating in a zone where you're free of stress and pressure. You've heard of the work that has to be done, and there is no major transformational learning. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Meaning will feel different for every leader, and we'll all know if we feel it or not in ourselves. It'll wash over us like a flood. But finding it is a game of exploration, discomfort, and transcendence.

In Leadership

In leadership, a path that's already been blazed will teach you nothing extraordinary for yourself. You already have a feel for what you'll learn. Yes, there's room to refine them, tweak them, and make them a version of your own. But you don't set the stage for your own learning and challenges.

So what is it that can be done in your leadership, what environments can you create, what ideas can you test, which risks can you take to test you the most? There's nothing wrong with taking the established, safer path -- at all. Each person has their own needs, wants, and desires. Meaning will feel different for every leader, and we'll all know if we feel it or not in ourselves. It'll wash over us like a flood. But finding it is a game of exploration, discomfort, and transcendence.

How are you drawing meaning from the discomfortable, seeking it intentionally in the challenges you're taking on? Does your definition of meaning shift from one challenge to the next? Looking back, what have you taken away from each?

Check Out The Article?HERE !

3. Enjoy The Silence

In General

For most of us, sitting in silence, taking in the nothing that's there -- if we have a free moment -- can be suffocating. It can be tortuous. Just because things are quiet on the outside doesn't mean they're quiet on the inside. But it pays to just stop sometimes. To not seek out distraction or work. To just absorb the quiet and just be in ourselves.

And we can think of things during this time, but it's important to consider what we're thinking about. Beyond thinking about what might bring us fulfillment in things we can do, we can consider what can bring us peace with what is.

Silence might seem deafening for leaders who feel too much is on the line for them to just do nothing. The consequence of not doing that, though, can be much worse.

In Leadership

Leaders can always be on the go, not being able (or wanting) to take some time to themselves. The conversation surrounding mental health is high in the priorities of the national conversation. The need for a leader to take in the silence is very important, allowing them to step away from their likely non-stop work, personal commitments, and mounting responsibilities.

Silence might seem deafening for leaders who feel too much is on the line for them to just do nothing. The consequence of not doing that, though, can be much worse .

How do you enjoy the silence? How do you take in and benefit from what's not happening as opposed to looking for that next thing that calls upon you and fills up your time?

Check Out The Article?HERE !

Honorable Mention

Healthy Boredom

In Leadership

It's amazing how much we try to stave off boredom. We have access to all kinds of entertainment we crave through our cell phones. We can reach for distraction in the forms of education, gossip, news, conversations, and all kinds of apps to provide us whatever kind of opportunity to indulge in what we want or never knew we wanted. I've covered boredom here before in the May 15, 2023 ?edition. This new article offers up some steps to take to find a healthy form of boredom. Many leaders always seem to need to be "on." They can't not move, not think, not plan. Can we be just as engaged to learn about healthy boredom as we are about anything else we have access to?

Check Out The Article?HERE !

Honorable Mention

Falling Behind

In Leadership

The most driven and ambitious of leaders are always monitoring their path, comparing themselves to others (whether in a healthy or unhealthy manner), trying to gauge their career, what it means, and where they're going. Some do feel like they're falling behind and not making the ground they believe they should be making. Most leaders tend to think about from this moment (right now) on, always ready for the next thing, instead of thinking about how far they've come and how impactful they've been. What is your plan for dealing with this feeling of falling behind professionally?

Check Out The Article?HERE !

That's it! That's the list for this week.

What other examples of leadership lessons – maybe even those that aren’t so apparent and obvious – do you come across in your everyday life and work?

What have you read lately that offers some insight on being human and navigating life -- and yes, by default, leadership.

Reach out to me ?and let me know what you think of these. Please share your own if you've found articles or stories with great lessons or insights that can contribute to how we carry ourselves through our lives and work.

Network Conversations With...Michael Metro

A conversation I had this week brought up a great point:

There is no clean threshold these days between our work beings and our personal beings -- not like in generations past. How do we make it a point of shutting off our work/passion beings every so often to just exist in our personal being?

I was reminded of this in my conversation with Michael Metro , Equity Project Manger at the University of Wisconsin-River Falls and a new connection made for me by his wife Heidi Metro , a coauthor of mine on the book The Ultimate Guide to Becoming a Successful Soul Professional: 22 Powerful Growth Strategies for Upleveling Your Soul-Aligned Business .

Going deeper in to and expanding my professional network has been eye-opening, especially with my work on The Book Leads. It's incredible to meet new people who are not only seeking to build their business or improve their work. They're out to transform the f'ing world.

And when you're out to change the world, it's a 24/7 job. You're thinking about strategy, connections, collaboration, design, creation, development, growth, and possibilities. Yes, it's about legacy. But it's not even necessarily about your legacy for others to see and remember. It's more about about what positive impact you can create that's going to sustainably ripple through your community and society. Honestly, if people remember it came from you, great. But I think the lasting impact is the legacy itself.

When you're that ambitious, how do you turn off that drive to just be? It can be tough, and there are no answers here. It's different for all of us. I just want you to think about that for yourself.

Mike and I, in this, our first meeting, talked about that -- the importance of just being here now. The future can wait. (Just for a bit.)

Last 10 LWLL Posts...

July 24, 2023 ?- 1. Play / 2. A Better Person / 3. First Impressions

July 17, 2023 ?- 1. Mid-Year Reset / 2. Self-Deception / 3. Psychology of Photography

July 10, 2023 - 1. Success / 2. Expectations / 3. Extreme Ownership

July 3, 2023 ?- 1. Following / 2. Perfectionism / 3. Intro-/Extro-version

June 26, 2023 ?- 1. Living / 2. Toxic Loyalty / 3. Psychological Safety

June 20, 2023 ?- Ivy League / Work-Life Balance / Conversations

June 12, 2023 ?- Grief / Hard Moments / Community

June 5, 2023 ?- Commitment / Beginner's Mind / Biases

May 30, 2023 ?- Devastation / Disagreements / Silence

May 22, 2023 ?- Choices / Toxic People / Anger

Full Directory of Past Posts

What Do YOU Think?

J. Cole & Social Media :?What role does social media play in your life, your attention span, your mental health? What kind of a unhealthy distraction might it be from what's in front of you and what you want to accomplish, which deserves your full attention, energy, and focus? Is it time to step away or adjust your use and dependence on your apps? Consider monitoring your usage to track both the time utilized and impact on your thinking and perception.

Follow-Up On Past Editions

Here are some follow-up articles that build on topics covered in previous editions.

There's always a different take or angle to help us refine and build upon a discussion we've had in the past. We can bring both some clarity and some reinforcement to past understandings.

• Article ?on?Fear (February 27, 2023 ?- Fear of Public Speaking / Being Interrupted / Sensitivity)
• Article ?on?Personal Brand?(February 13, 2023 ?- Self-Belief / Leadership Branding / Inner Child)
• Article ?on?Hobbies (July 17, 2023 - 1. Mid-Year Reset / 2. Self-Deception / 3. Psychology of Photography)

Book: Launched!

This amazing collaborative anthology?launched?July 11th! Order your copy here !

In my chapter, I break down what inspired my signature talk,?Platinum Networking: Designing A Unique Experience For Others In A World Of Disconnection,?digging into my story -- and that of and with my parents -- to understand what's behind the way I interact with those in my network, serving them as if they were my clients.

Check out this podcast appearance I recently made leading up to the launch with book publisher?Laura Di Franco ?and fellow co-author?Heidi Metro !

The days of traditional networking, where we memorize our elevator pitch and repeat it to everyone we encounter, hoping to gain something only for ourselves, are over.

Our network should be at the top of our client list. We need to elevate their work and reputation as much as our own to build a solid and effective ecosystem of connections, relationships, and success.

Latest Episode of The Book Leads

The Book Leads – Episode 62 : Atlas Aultman & his book, Rule of 3: How Elite Leaders Win

Joshua “Atlas” Aultman has had a career steeped in leadership lessons. Coming from a family lineage that’s traversed both law enforcement and the military, his family's code is one of serving others.

From those family lessons to his 27 years of military experience (in over 30 countries) in the most elite teams -- from communities such as Special Operations, conflict zones, and the Obama White House -- through his speaking, writing, and coaching, we get to learn from Atlas’s takeaways.

Episode Highlights

• What to learn from the biggest corporation in the world, the United States military
• How leadership is a voice.
• If you can tell a story to a child, that’s what everyone’s going to listen to.
• The power and respect in honest candor with others regarding their performance
• “The world is a stage, and your kids are watching you as the main character. So, if you spend time with them and take them to your stage and provide them the lessons you’re learning, that’s better than anything you can do.”

The?MAIN QUESTION?that underlies my conversation with Atlas is,?How much do you understand (and provide to) the role of each person in the mission of your work?

I'm always looking for a good read full of great and impactful lessons.

Here is the?list of books ?I've gotten into in 2023. Reach out if you'd like to come on?The Book Leads?or if you know anyone you'd recommend for that conversation.

What are you reading these days?

About The Book Leads

On?The Book Leads?podcast, I speak to specialists and experts across various industries and from varied backgrounds to learn about the book that made an impact and left an impression on their work, life, and leadership. In the course of my conversation I also learn about my guest's background, experience, and work they're carrying out today.?

Learn more about The Book Leads and listen to past episodes:

• Watch?on?YouTube
• Listen?on?Spotify
• Listen?on?Google Podcasts
• Listen?on?Apple Podcasts
• Read?About The Book Leads?–?Blog Post

About Me

I'm a Leadership Performance Coach and Consultant at?coachitout.com .?In addition to coaching, and as you can see above, I enjoy writing, podcasting, and speaking about leadership. Specifically, I work with clients to realize what they're all about when it comes to (1) new positions they've been hired or promoted into; and (2) rediscovering what they want out of their leadership, development, and career.

My signature talks include?Design Your Leadership! Nine Ways to Sharpen Your Leadership Brand In The Everyday, and?Platinum Networking: Designing A Unique Experience For Others In A World Of Disconnection.

Reach out to me [email protected].