Last orders...?

On Friday 13th March 2020, I stopped drinking. Yesterday marked my 6 month anniversary of not drinking alcohol. What started out as a decision to just have a break from booze, but not for a defined period, has extended to longer than I could have initially imagined.

I’d seen lots of people in my network do something similar, the likes of Dominic McGregor and Ilona Alcock being two of the main ones, and I always thought that it’s not something I would have been able to do.

My reasons for making this decision were primarily short term, i.e. getting a bit fitter. However, as it has progressed, I realised that my relationship with alcohol, whilst not ‘unhealthy’ was not the best.

I found that whilst I enjoyed a drink (normally only at weekends), I would sometimes stop at just a couple and on the next 2-4 days, a dark cloud of depression would fall over me and felt like a suffocation on my mood. I didn’t realise this was an issue until it started affecting those around me and I got to a point where it just wasn’t ‘worth it’. I also have a two year old daughter who is a ‘sponge’ for everything, super bright, intelligent and inquisitive, and I knew that if I was in one of these ‘dark’ periods, I couldn’t be the dad that I want and need to be for her.

So I stopped drinking. Getting through that first weekend felt like it was going to be the biggest challenge! Who doesn’t need a drink at the end of a long week!? So I popped to the supermarket, got pretty much every variety of non-alcoholic beer they had, and settled in for the weekend. Getting through that weekend wasn’t as tough as I thought, mainly due to being busy and finding those great non-alcoholic versions of beers, that really helped as I didn’t feel like I was missing out.

One weekend turned into a week, turned into a fortnight, turned into a month. I’d read a lot of stories about people feeling instantly better and noticing a huge change in mood, behaviour and self-esteem. I didn’t find this. But I persevered as I didn’t feel like I missed it as much as I thought. (Caveat – having a pregnant wife at the time also meant the opportunities to drink were reduced, although my wife has been super amazing and supportive throughout this, and would have been whether pregnant or not!)

Over the weeks, my thinking gradually became clearer, my moods better, but more importantly stayed consistent for longer periods of time. The ‘dark clouds’ which I often suffered (having historically suffered from depression, anxiety and OCD – what a combo!) were now rarer. This isn’t something that happened overnight, and it’s only as I’ve been coming up to the six-month anniversary that I’ve had chance to reflect and see how life has changed.

Coupled with the above, I’ve started an online personal training course, lost 2+ stone and now have a healthier outlook on life. Could I have done the above whilst drinking, perhaps, but I doubt I would have been successful in such a relatively short period of time. I guess I’ll never know.

Being a social creature, I love meeting up with people, and so, as lockdown measures have changed, I did get more and more worried about what people would think if the discussion turned to having a drink. So here are some tips for coping:

• Be honest – if you’re meeting up in a social gathering and don’t want to drink, just say so. I worked up all sorts of reasons to give about why I wasn’t drinking, but I found that biting the bullet and giving an honest reason, often elicited a response of ‘oh yeah, I’m trying to cut back too’ or people (in a nice way) just not caring.
• Good alternatives – if you miss the taste/feeling of drinking, find some good alternatives! There are loads online and in most good supermarkets and I can already feel a second article coming up with some reviews of the best ones I’ve found
• Read ahead – if you are going to somewhere new, check out their menus online, it’s become more and more widespread that non-alcoholic versions of drinks are available
• Take it a day at a time – did I set out to do six months not drinking? No. Am I happy I’ve done it? Yes. If someone would have told me that I couldn’t have a drink for 6 months, I think my ‘inner child’ would have jumped up and down and screamed ‘NO!’ but as I’ve taken it a day at a time, and not really focussed on an end point, it’s almost been easier.
• Get some advice – if you’re concerned about your relationship with alcohol, seek advice from a professional, whether that’s the Doctors, AA or support group/charity.

It’s not forever – will I have another drink at some point – probably, but I won’t beat myself up for it and my relationship with alcohol I think has changed for the better, so I feel more confident that when I do, I won’t go too off the rails!

I’m by no means now an oracle on not drinking or abstaining, but if anyone in my network would like a chat, or just needs someone to hear them out about things, I’m always here to lend an ear.

Wishing everyone good health and happiness

Chris