The last four years...

Hello there, it sure has been a while, just over four years if you are counting. The world has literally turned on its head……

I have not written any articles on LinkedIn since 2018. The truth is I have not been in the right headspace to do so.?

It was on 9th October 2018 my last article was published. It was entitled “Bullying and Mental Health in the Construction Industry” and was in part me relaying my story as to why I do what I do, whilst highlighting a scourge on our industry to mark World Mental Health Day.

In the article I touched on how that last year had been “the darkest period of my life”. I left a large part of the story out for fear of what people in the business world might make of me or if my clients might suddenly drop me, however I no longer hold any fear.

Now, four years later I want to tell the whole story in the belief that this might resonate with and help others own their truth, stand in their power and give them hope that rainbows really do follow storms.

Rock meets bottom..

In June 2018, the 9th to be exact I sat alone, very alone at home, having drunk way more whisky than was sensible to do, to numb the excruciating pain in my heart and head. I didn’t care if I woke up and to be honest at that point I was in such a dark place I thought that I would have welcomed death.?My birth mum died on the morning I was to meet her for the first time and my marriage had broken down irretrievably, I did not get to see my kids all the time and I broke inside.?

Despite all of this something inside me pushed me to reach out to my friends via Facebook. I was at my lowest ebb and had nothing left to lose, so I wrote a post that was a cry for help, in it I said:?

“I'm not okay. I'm saying this to gain help and don't know how to ask. I feel really awful in my mind and can't control the darkness that is consuming me. You can have a broken arm and people will sign your stookie. But when you have a broken mind nobody wants to talk about it or listen. I'm a man who wants to be a good man but I'm struggling with my mental health and feels nobody actually cares. I don’t want to feel this way but feel so alone and broken and feel I've got nowhere left to turn. Nobody should feel this way in plain sight. I don't want to do what my mind says I should.”

Here I was, the self proclaimed "Mental Health Advocate", sat alone, in every sense of the word, feeling like I could not continue living. It really was the darkest period of my life. I felt trapped as I loved my sons more than anything, but wanted the pain to stop so badly.

The next day my life did change as friends and family gathered around me to support me and this did help, however only these past few months have I felt healed enough to speak about my experiences and I will continue to do so until my bodies time here is over.

Why am I writing to tell you my story?

Partly to help others, but in truth because I need to be the real authentic me. I need my clients and those I do business with to see my scars and the real me, not the face I put on for LinkedIn. Not the serious expert and dispute guy, whatever that even means, but the guy who has climbed out of the abyss with a smile on his face and a tear drying in his eye.

The guy who would move mountains to help others feeling that way, because that’s what we should do. We are all human beings, we are all connected and we all hurt and can be afraid in this life. But we do not have to be when we finally realise who we really are and why we exist.

Silver lining..

These past four years have not been in vain for me. I have learned so much more about myself, my strengths, my limits, why I am here and what really, truly matters in this game we call life.

I looked deep inside myself and in so doing I understood that this is where all happiness begins, from within. Not from without. This was a paradigm shift for me and propelled me even further to achieve the success I was born for.?

In spite of all of the negative emotions I have felt I still managed to undertake and win nine adjudications during lockdown for millions of pounds, saving clients business from ruin and giving me encouragement that I mattered and that I can contribute to society.?

For years I was ashamed of my beginnings having been born into care and taken off my birth mother. I suffered terribly with impostor syndrome and fear of failure exposing what I believed were flaws. Now I know these events were gifts that shaped and moulded me into the amazing human being I am today.

I am truly proud of who I am. I am proud of my journey. I am proud of the scars that bear witness to the battles I won. But most of all I am proud to share my story with you.

Infinite awareness..

I know, with infinite awareness how to deal with my mental health, I know how to be happy, I know what true joy means, I still tell really shit jokes (dad joke ninja) but I don’t care now because I am so content in my own skin and I know what I am here to do.?

I now know that it was that infinite awareness that compelled me to stick around and finish my life plan. To welcome the negative emotions that I had held on to for 48 years and let them go, finally.?

I am now ready to take the next step in my journey and share my experiences and knowledge with you and by coaching the leaders of contracting businesses who want to work a different way, who wish to be happy in life and not have to worry day in day out that their businesses will be ruined by the bullies out there who will do anything to withhold payment.

They say the truth shall set you free.?

I AM FREE. I AM A SURVIVOR.?

Who doesn’t love a happy ending?

I met my soulmate on 1 September 2018. It was purely by chance and we have been together ever since. In November 2018 I arranged to climb Ben Lomond for her birthday. At that time my mothers ashes were still in my house. When my mum died she had nobody, so I ended up paying for and arranging her funeral and even spoke at it. It was pretty weird in all honesty, as I had never seen her since I was a baby.?

My partner knew I was struggling with the fact my mums ashes were at home so she suggested, with the kindness of an angel, that we take them to the top of Ben Lomond and spread them there.

So we did. What a journey! I carried my mum up that Munro (my first) and when we got to the top I spread her ashes. It was very foggy and windy, a woman appeared from the mist coughing very harshly. We quickly realised that she was inhaling my mums ashes and that’s when things took a slightly comedic turn. Because in difficult situations laughter and comedy can often get you through, well it works for me!

Shortly after the mist cleared and I poured a dram on my mums ashes and some into my quaich. We toasted her memory and something caught my teary eye. It was a painted rock someone had left. On it was one word - LAUGH. So we did, through tears and whisky fumes. Despite the pain I felt, I walked down that munro much lighter and started my healing journey together with my soulmate.

You honestly could not make it up. It was magical.

The next morning I opened the shutters of our bedroom window across Loch Lomond to see a rainbow right across the top were we spread my mums ashes. It was then I knew my mum was at peace and I could move on.

That’s not the whole happy ending. The title says the last four years. Well it was four years to the day I met my Laura. She and I were in Glasgow to see Kevin Bridges as a birthday treat for me. What she didn’t know was that when we walked through George Square I got down on one knee and asked her to be my wife, using my mums sapphire ring.

Glasgow is where I was born and it felt right energetically as my mum passed in Glasgow too and lived her life there.

She said YES!

Now that’s a happy ending!!?

I would like to dedicate this article with all my love to my mother Honoria Jones, who was a victim too.

And to you the reader, if you are feeling low and struggling to deal with your mental health please reach out to me or your family / friends. Speaking about it does help. There is no stigma attached to it. Sending positive vibes to you.

If you have made it this far, thank you. It means a great deal to me and I hope you will share in your networks as it could very well save others who felt the same way I did. Feel free to connect and if my story resonated with you in any way I would be happy to discuss my story with you or your group.

About the Author aka ME!

I am first and foremost a human being who has witnessed and continues to witness the impact non and late payment has on the people I work with and advise. I say enough is enough, we need to change this and we need all sides to play fair.?

I have worked in the construction industry for 32 years, although I still look youthful according to my partner!! In that time, as a contractor and now as a dispute and contract coach who gets contractors paid what they are owed. I coach and advise to business leaders at all stages of the contract cycle from invitation to tender to final account and where necessary dispute resolution.

My goal is to stamp out bullying and restore balance to the industry, so that parties to a contract have mutual respect for each other and work collaboratively, as opposed to being adversarial.?

I offer coaching on contract wording, interpretation, whether to take the contract or walk away and everything in between.

#bullyingawareness #BeTheChange #BeAMate Mates in Mind #mentalhealth #mindfulness #WorldMentalHealthDay @WMHDay