“Last Call, Slut” – A Plea for More Respect in our Society
Last Saturday, I was walking through Berlin. A car full of young men passed by, the passenger window went down “Wanna join us? We will have fun in the park”. I didn’t respond and went on. A few seconds later they drove by again “Last call, you slut”. They all laughed and drove off.
I was neither angry nor afraid. I was just sad. Very sad.
In the past, I would have told myself to simply forget about the instance. Unfortunately, there are too many people like this guy in the world. And you cannot change the world, can you? For long, I also told myself people would grow up and change. But they didn’t and I grew tired. These kinds of scenes happen again and again all over the world on a daily basis. I am sure any woman reading this can tell a similar story.
So, I started to reflect.
What on earth gives a human being the idea (s)he could insult another person like this? I tried to put myself into the young man’s shoes. Did he need to prove himself to his friends? Had his girlfriend recently left him and he needed to ventilate his anger? Was he craving for the attention he had never had? Whatever reason I tried to come up with, none justified his vulgar language and inappropriate behaviour towards me.
I also thought about the possible response options I would have had.
Firstly, I could have verbally expressed my disagreement with his behaviour (of course, there are yet again different ways of doing this and hence different reactions to be expected). I assume, the guy would just have laughed it off but might have realized his behaviour was inappropriate. Would it have triggered an actual thought process leading to a behavioural change? I have my doubts.
Secondly, I could have written down the number plate and submit a formal complaint to the police. It would have cost me money and nerves and eventually lead to nothing. There were no witnesses except for the young man’s friends in the car. Also, does law really make men respect the opposite gender?
Hence, I chose the third option: say nothing at all. Admittedly, I didn’t even know how to respond in the very moment as it happened all so quickly. Yet, my non-action had the consequence that the young men drove off and will probably repeat their behaviour at the next possible occasion.
Now what?
Yes, I could start a new #MeToo movement, go to the streets and complain. It would not lead anywhere but temporary attention to issues women have been facing forever. I think we must dig much deeper and tackle the root cause of the issue at hand: a lack of respect through inappropriate education and upbringing. If the men of tomorrow are to respect women, parents and schools must teach it. Change needs to come from a place of respect and equality:
1. Do not encourage dominance in sons and submission in daughters. Raise strong men and women that work together in alliance with honour and dignity to change the world.
2. Let children choose their own paths: Embolden your son to play with baby dolls and dance ballet, and encourage your daughter to play with toy cars and join a soccer team. Get rid of colour-coded child rearing.
3. Teach sons to respect women and withstand the lure of patriarchy: They are not the master of the universe and they cannot just do as pleases them and get away with it. Teach them that the opposite sex is just as worthy as their own.
4. Allow sons to express their emotions and tell them it is a human, not feminine, trait. Let them cry so they learn the importance of sensitivity, empathy and vulnerability. Tell them they are showing strength rather than weakness by being open about their feelings.
5. Be a role model by acting according to what you preach and demonstrating how equality looks in practice.
Check out my sisters' and my website https://www.here-she-is.com/ if you are keen to read interviews with inspiring men that openly support female empowerment.