The Language and Values of Building Resilience

or to para phrase a famous comedian "What you say is what you get"

Resilience is the human ability to adapt, recover, and thrive despite adversity. At its core, resilience is more than a psychological construct; it is a way of being rooted in both language and values. The words we choose to describe ourselves and our circumstances directly influence our thoughts, actions, and emotional responses. Resilience is also anchored in values—those guiding principles that give meaning and direction to our efforts. Together, language and values create a framework that equips individuals to navigate challenges.

This essay examines the role of specific phrases such as “I am,” “I have,” “I can,” and “I do” in fostering resilience and explores the interplay between language and core values like courage, adaptability, and empathy. By integrating research and practical insights, we can better understand how to build resilience at both individual and collective levels.

The Power of “I Am,” “I Have,” “I Can,” and “I Do”

E. Grotberg Ph.D. a noted researcher with The International Resilience Research Project has highlighted the importance of language in shaping resilience. Specific phrases like “I am,” “I have,” “I can,” where what I call power phrases that are positive beliefs that are strengthening factors to build resilience. In my decades of coaching and training I added the phrase “I do” to this trio of power phrases Almost a decade later research showed up to prove the I do phrase is vital. It donates taking action. NOT just talking but doing. The four phrases serve as foundational pillars of resilient self-talk. These phrases represent different facets of resilience, encompassing identity, external resources, internal capabilities, and proactive behaviors.

1. I Am The phrase “I am” reflects self-awareness and identity, which are critical for resilience. It encapsulates an individual’s understanding of their intrinsic worth and their values. For example, saying “I am strong” or “I am resourceful” reinforces positive self-perceptions. Research in positive psychology emphasizes that a strong sense of self is associated with higher resilience because it fosters confidence and emotional stability in the face of adversity (Seligman, 2011).
2. I Have “I have” refers to the external resources and support systems that contribute to resilience. This might include family, friends, mentors, or access to healthcare and education. For instance, an individual who says “I have people who care about me” is more likely to seek help and feel supported during challenging times. Studies show that social connectedness is one of the strongest predictors of resilience, underscoring the importance of this external dimension (Werner & Smith, 2001).
3. I Can The phrase “I can” reflects an individual’s belief in their capabilities and problem-solving skills. It embodies self-efficacy, which psychologist Albert Bandura describes as the belief in one’s ability to influence events and outcomes. Saying “I can find a solution” or “I can learn from this” empowers individuals to take proactive steps toward overcoming challenges. Research shows that a strong sense of self-efficacy is associated with greater persistence and resilience in difficult situations (Bandura, 1997).
4. I Do Finally, “I do” emphasizes action and behavior. Resilience is not only about mindset but also about taking deliberate steps to improve one’s circumstances. Statements like “I do what I can to stay healthy” or “I do ask for help when needed” reflect this proactive approach. Action-oriented resilience is supported by research. I found that in coaching individuals who where ready to take action often went on to be difference makers in their lives. It shows that individuals who engage in problem-focused coping strategies are better equipped to manage stress (Folkman & Moskowitz, 2004) and resolve issues.

These four phrases—“I am,” “I have,” “I can,” and “I do”—serve as building blocks of resilience by integrating self-awareness, external support, internal capacity, and proactive behavior into a cohesive framework.

The Values Underpinning Resilience

While language provides the structure for resilience, values supply the motivation and meaning behind it. Resilient individuals are often guided by values that enable them to respond to challenges with strength and purpose.

1. Courage Courage is the willingness to face fear and uncertainty. It is not the absence of fear but the determination to act despite it. Resilience requires courage to confront adversity, make difficult decisions, and embrace vulnerability. This value is often expressed in phrases like “I can handle this” or “I am brave enough to try.”
2. Adaptability Resilience depends on the ability to adapt to change. Adaptability involves flexibility, creativity, and openness to new possibilities. Phrases like “I can adjust” or “I do what is needed to adapt” reflect this value. Research shows that adaptable individuals are better equipped to cope with unpredictable circumstances and maintain a sense of control (Bonanno, 2004).
3. Empathy Empathy connects us to others, fostering relationships that are crucial for resilience. It enables us to offer support to others and to receive it in return. Phrases like “I have people who care about me” or “I do my best to understand others” reflect the importance of empathy in building strong social bonds.
4. Integrity Resilient individuals often rely on their core principles to guide their decisions. Integrity, or staying true to one’s values, provides a sense of purpose and direction during difficult times. This value is expressed in statements like “I am committed to doing what is right” or “I do what aligns with my values.”
5. Gratitude Gratitude shifts focus from what is lacking to what is abundant, fostering a positive outlook. It is often expressed in statements like “I have so much to be thankful for” or “I am grateful for the lessons this challenge is teaching me.” Studies have shown that practicing gratitude enhances psychological resilience by promoting optimism and reducing stress (Emmons & McCullough, 2003).

Integrating Language and Values into Resilience-Building Practices

The interplay between language and values can be harnessed through deliberate practices:

1. Positive Affirmations Regularly using affirmations based on “I am,” “I have,” “I can,” and “I do” helps reinforce a resilient mindset. For example, repeating phrases like “I am capable” or “I have the strength to overcome this” builds confidence and focus.
2. Gratitude Journaling Writing about things one is grateful for helps shift attention to positive aspects of life. Pairing gratitude with action-oriented statements like “I do take time to appreciate what I have” amplifies its benefits.
3. Values-Based Goal Setting Setting goals aligned with core values ensures that actions remain purposeful. For example, an individual guided by adaptability might set a goal to learn new skills, while someone motivated by integrity might focus on maintaining ethical behavior during challenges.
4. Storytelling and Reflection Reflecting on past experiences through the lens of “I am,” “I have,” “I can,” and “I do” reinforces resilience by highlighting strengths and resources. Sharing these stories with others fosters connection and inspires collective resilience.

Conclusion

The language we use and the values we uphold are fundamental to building resilience. By incorporating phrases like “I am,” “I have,” “I can,” and “I do” into our self-talk, we create a mental framework that supports positive thinking, resourcefulness, and proactive behavior. Anchoring these phrases in core values such as courage, adaptability, empathy, integrity, and gratitude provides the motivation and direction needed to navigate adversity.

Resilience is not an innate trait but a skill that can be cultivated through conscious effort. By leveraging the power of language and aligning with meaningful values, individuals can strengthen their ability to overcome challenges and thrive in the face of life’s uncertainties. As research demonstrates, the synergy of empowering language and guiding values creates a foundation for resilience that not only sustains us but allows us to grow and flourish.

References

• Bandura, A. (1997). Self-efficacy: The exercise of control. New York: W.H. Freeman.
• Bonanno, G. A. (2004). Loss, trauma, and human resilience: Have we underestimated the human capacity to thrive after extremely adversive events? American Psychologist, 59(1), 20–28.
• Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377–389.
• Folkman, S., & Moskowitz, J. T. (2004). Coping: Pitfalls and promise. Annual Review of Psychology, 55, 745–774.
• Seligman, M. E. P. (2011). Flourish: A visionary new understanding of happiness and well-being. New York: Free Press.
• Werner, E. E., & Smith, R. S. (2001). Journeys from childhood to midlife: Risk, resilience, and recovery. Ithaca, NY: Cornell University Press

Resources

• Helmstettter Shad, What to Say When You Talk to Yourself - Powerful techniques to program your potential for success! Pub. 1986
• Michael B. Mini Video series on I am, I Have, I Can, I Do
• through his work at Resiliency for Life Ltd.
• https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLBP2R9883OVRWxc--KseDBaJpR4TY9Pnc