The Language of Towels (or How Not to be Misunderstood)

So my French and German may be pretty rusty, but I'm delighted to report I speak fluent Towel.

Overnighting in a lovely Cambridge hotel on Friday, I found myself confidently nodding at a note in the bathroom ??:

A towel on the rack means

"I'll use it again"

A towel on the floor or in the bath means

"Please change"

Overlooking the fact there was once a time we thought it normal to want clean towels every day (huh?!! ??), I realised we've all now mastered the international language of bath sheets.

The towel-user's intentions and expectations are perfectly clear to the towel-tidyer. Hurrah!

If only all communication were so straightforward.

Take a recent coaching session I had with a hugely talented client - let's call her Jenna - who's just been promoted to a new role ??.

She was both exhilarated and nervous, and wanted help planning her first few weeks in post.

I listened as Jenna explained one of her worries: "I'm normally great at speaking up in meetings and offering ideas and solutions. But I'm nervous that when I start this new role there's so much I don't know that I won't be able to do that straightaway. I'm going to need to listen and learn and get to know people and their priorities, before I dive in with suggestions. But I really don't want them to see me behaving that way and think I'm super quiet and don't have anything to contribute - and, worse, to wonder why I've been given the role!"

Jenna felt in danger of her behaviour being misconstrued, which of course it could be. Here's what she wanted to communicate - versus what might be assumed by others:

Me not saying a whole lot in meetings means

"I'm taking some time to listen and ensure I really understand the strategy and priorities of your department before I weigh in"

VERSUS

Me not saying a whole lot in meetings means

"I'm out of my depth and don't have anything valuable to contribute in this new role"

Jenna essentially had a towel problem ????♀?.

So how could she ensure her actions were correctly understood by the new colleagues and stakeholders witnessing them?

"You've just eloquently explained to me why you're going to be in listening mode and not as forthcoming as you normally would be", I challenged Jenna. "What if you simply explained that - just without all the self-deprecating bits and worries?! That way you can manage their expectations and make clear your intentions for the first few weeks?"

So Jenna went away to devise a few lines she would tack on to her intro (because of course when you first arrive somewhere you're constantly invited to introduce yourself and "say a bit about your background" ??)

Suddenly her confidence was back.

So I wonder what translation YOU need to provide for people in your working life? What YOU need to say out loud for them to correctly interpret your actions?

Here are a few examples:

?? Preferring Written Communication Over In-Person Conversations

Misinterpretation: You’re distant, disengaged, or avoiding collaboration.

How to Clarify: “I often communicate in writing because it helps me organise my thoughts and make sure I’m thorough. I’m definitely open to in-person conversations too if you prefer that.”

?? Getting Straight to the Point in Meetings

Misinterpretation: Others may feel you’re not open to brainstorming or discussion.

How to Clarify: “I have some direct thoughts on this to help us get started, but this is definitely open for discussion and I certainly haven't fixed any position yet.”

????Asking Lots of Questions During Meetings or Project Discussions

Misinterpretation: You’re doubtful, don’t trust others' abilities, or are overly critical.

How to Clarify: “I ask a lot of questions because it helps me understand all angles and get a full picture. I’m fully supportive of the team’s direction - I just want to make sure we don't miss anything so sometimes it helps to play Devil's Advocate”

If there's anything you do that people could be misinterpreting (and hey, that goes for life outside work as well), isn't the simplest thing to do to provide them with a dictionary? ??

Stay curious,

Rachel

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