Language and Mental Health

Language is powerful. Language matters. It’s the reason we pay people to tell us what to put on our websites, and why the more important the e-mail the longer we spend agonising over every word. Language also changes depending on the intonation, which helps to explain why the written word is so difficult to get right, and why those important e-mails take so long. Consequently, language is easy to get wrong. At this stage there’s the risk that I’m about to come across as pedantic but bear with me because when it comes to mental health: Language. Definitely. Matters. 

I am writing this because I have been reminded this weekend that whilst someone taking their own life is tragic, it is NOT illegal. So why do I keep reading articles online telling me that another famous figure has “COMMITTED suicide”? The phrase originates from when it WAS illegal to take one’s own life, and people could be prosecuted in the UK for “attempted self-murder”. A mortal sin in the eyes of the Church, self-murder became a crime under common law in the mid-13th Century CE. Not only were those found guilty of self-murder denied a Christian burial, their families belongings could be confiscated and handed to the Crown (something that was only repealed in 1822). Whilst attitudes to suicide began to change, Parliament didn’t decriminalise the act of suicide in England and Wales until 1961. 

The legacy of this attitude to the taking of one’s own life (which was not universal – in Japan, hara-kiri was seen as an honourable alternative to disgrace) is that in this country, for many, suicide remains a taboo subject. A recent YouGov survey found that just over a quarter of those interviewed would not reach out to someone they felt at risk of suicide due to not knowing what to say or worrying that they might make matters worse (which is why the topic is covered on the MHFA England one-day and two-day mental health first aid courses). Feeling uncomfortable when talking about suicidal feelings can not only lead to a general reluctance to talk about suicide to those that may be at risk, but also a reluctance to talk to those that have previously attempted suicide, or to those who have lost someone to suicide – which can then increase feelings of isolation. When someone takes their own life, the impact on those left behind can be profound and far reaching – the effects moving out from family members, to friends, to co-workers and beyond to the wider society like ripples on a pond’s surface. In these devastating situations, it is easier to see why the suggestion that a loved one has “committed suicide” (in the same way that they might have committed rape or murder) is not helpful and can cause offence.

Let’s be clear, using the phrase “commit suicide” does not necessarily imply a lack of concern on the part of the individual – it’s all down to the intentionality. I recently taught somebody mental health first aid, who spoke on a number of occasions over the course of the two days about their brother who had “committed suicide”. There was no suggestion that they did not love their brother, that they felt animosity towards their brother, or blamed him in any way for taking his own live – they were just using the phrase that they had been using their entire life. It’s not an easy habit to break, and I have to remind my students to pick me up if I accidentally lapse into a more traditional vernacular. This inappropriate use of language is not limited to talk of suicide. When talking to a colleague some years ago, they explained to me why they did not like others saying that they “suffered” with chronic fatigue as if they were a victim to be pitied. And for a number of mental health conditions, such as depression for example, to say that someone is “suffering with depression” also implies that they are a victim of the condition. In reality, many people learn to manage their mental illness and can function for the majority of the time perfectly “normally”, which is why it might be more appropriate to say that someone is living with depression or experiencing depression. Again, it’s easy to slip up – and I did it at a meeting this morning – but I am getting better.

So why the fixation with language? There is a wider issue when it comes to mental health – and is another topic that we discuss on the two-day mental health first aid course. There are words that are commonly used in workplaces without too much thought – when things go horribly wrong, the situation can be described as “mental” or “mad”. When someone acts or says something that can be seen as anything other than “normal”, they can be described as a “nutter”. Again, I have to remind myself that this can come across as being rather pedantic – words are often used without any sense of malice, and sometimes it’s simply passed off as “banter”. But the point here is that if you work in an environment where people are described as “mental” or “a nutter” and then you start to struggle with your mental health, are you more likely or less likely to reach out to a colleague for help? Part of the reason that employers send their staff to train as mental health first aiders is so that when someone at work has a mental health issue, they DO have someone to talk to. But even more than that it’s a statement of intent – it is a conscious decision on the part of the employer to foster an environment where everyone learns that there is no health without mental health; that anyone can become mentally unwell at any stage, in exactly the same way that they might become physically unwell; and that by talking about mental health in an open way, it helps to reduce some of the stigma that is such a feature of mental illness in general, and suicide in particular.

So the next time you read an article that reports someone has taken their own life, and the reporter naively writes that the person “committed suicide” and it makes you wince slightly, thank you – we’re starting to make a difference. And when you then make the same naive mistake yourself, just move on and be safe in the knowledge that you are less likely to do the same thing next time. Oh, and thanks again – I’m glad it’s not just me that sometimes gets these things wrong…