The language of influence: This one word can change everything

The language of influence

We sell in every interaction. The broker to the client. The teacher to the student. The parent to the child. Each interaction is unique in its own way. Your target audiences have differing backgrounds, perceptions and communication styles, and at times it can be difficult to decipher the correct method of delivery. However, if we can analyze, understand and evolve our delivery to match their behaviors, we can begin to communicate with our target audience in such a way that demonstrates interest, generates genuine emotion and importantly, influences decisions.

Over the past decade I’ve served as a broker, proposal writer, presenter and project manager for a range of audiences in small business, mid-corporates and global powerhouses. Whatever the environment I've found that the language of influence remains an essential skill, and one that can be learned by anyone to produce incredible results.

My varied experiences have allowed me to connect with hundreds of professionals, experience wins and (more importantly) losses where I’ve learned invaluable lessons. I’d now like to share these lessons to help others develop deeper connections in their personal and professional lives. As a committed student of sales psychology, my research and utilization of these tips have worked successfully in pretty much any situation, and I hope it will do the same for you.

My first tip: One word that changes everything

So let’s get to it, what’s the word that can change everything? A word that can lower barriers or even unlock the door to a deeper conversation? That can stimulate attention and encourage your audience to be present in conversation? A word that if forgotten, could label you as ignorant, inconsiderate and careless?

It’s simple. A person’s name.

Quoted by Dale Carnegie, “a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language”. I couldn’t agree any more.

Sometimes it’s difficult to remember a name; particularly if you don’t know how to pronounce it (how much emphasis do I put on the ‘oo’ and ‘oo’ in Mootoosamy?). Rather than trying to learn it, we tend to use nicknames for our own convenience.

Genevieve becomes Gen, Gee, Gigi, Genie, Vee, Vieve.

Nicholas becomes N, Nick, Niko, Niki.

Zachariah becomes Z, Zack, Rye, Rias, Riah.

Is it really that important?

A person’s name is wholly owned by them and sets them apart. It makes them unique and has been used by their loved ones to identify them all their life. Forgetting it or using a replacement can make someone feel less valued or insignificant, and they may not correct you for fear of appearing pedantic. 

Now unless your audience makes it specifically clear that they prefer a nickname, I’d suggest that by making an effort to say a few more syllables, you can set yourself apart immediately. Sometimes, even on a pedestal of your own.

For example, I once had a very lucrative prospect but with little existing connections or routes in. The only advice I had from past colleagues was that the main client representative had little time to talk, was highly volatile and aggressive in her behavior. This representative was ‘Wilhemina’, but everyone called her Mina.

To put this theory into practice I made the effort to understand the correct pronunciation (emphasis on the ‘h’) and constantly brought it up in conversation whenever my communications were directed at her. Even in the briefest emails, I spelled out her full name.

Over time I found that our conversations ended up leaving insurance products and moving towards cultures, ethnicities and languages – and as any sales person will tell you, that’s right where you want to be.

We ended up winning the business, and while the prospect’s decision wasn’t based on the effort to learn a name, it certainly opened the door to an otherwise freezing cold lead.

Wilhemina later commented that neither her colleagues or my insurance broking competitors would make an effort to address her correctly. She was grateful that I did. I personally believe it made her feel significant, raised the importance of our conversations and not least the image of my professionalism.

But I can’t remember names!

I hear you, I suffered this problem too. As a corporate broker with no niche, I attended networking events across a range of industries to find new opportunities – construction, energy, healthcare, private equity and more – meeting hundreds of new people on a regular basis. It was embarrassing to forget names, but just as hurtful to the person that I wanted to connect with.

Usually a genuine apology and request to re-confirm their name would deal with the problem, but why did it need to happen in the first place?

To address this (and a few other instances of my repeated forgetfulness), I undertook a course by memory improvement blogger, Anthony Metivier, and accelerated learning expert Jonathan Levi to boost my memory and speed reading skills. They introduced me to a tip that has worked a dream and I hope it can do the same for you.

Here’s how it works:

Any time you hear a new name, associate it with a vivid and vibrant image of something personal to you. For example, let’s say you briefly meet the Managing Director of company you’re prospecting. She introduces herself as Jennifer Kingsley but has to run and didn’t leave you with a business card. How would I create a memorable mental graphic? I’d picture a dinner between:

• Jennifer Aniston, from one of my favorite tv series ‘Friends’; and
• A King wearing a spectacular crown; and
• That King being Jet ‘Li’, arguably one of my favorite action stars in my teen years.

As childish as it may seem, since practicing this method I’ve been able to attend events and remember 30+ new names without any assistance. It’s quite the party trick and I’d urge you to give it a try.

What do I do if they forget mine?

If you notice yourself getting upset, take a step back to calm your mind. I’ve met many brokers and underwriters who are outraged when this happens in person or on emails. But remember, just as you can’t see your reflection in boiling water, similarly you can’t think clearly in a state of anger and imbalance.

Everyone makes mistakes, and you’d do well to avoid making any harsh judgements about the forgetter. The most unforgettable people I’ve known are all humble and forgiving.

Simply interject the forgetter to correct them, keeping an uplifting tone, and remembering that it’s not rude to interrupt if your delivery is sincere.

“Sorry to interrupt, but my name is Krishna”

“Sorry to interject, I may not have been clear when we first met, my name is Krishna”

And if the incident occurs on email, a simple but polite message should always be welcome:

“Thanks for your email Bob. By the way, my name is actually ‘Krishna’. No biggie though, it happens all the time!”

Avoid embarrassment. Open doors.

In summary, this may not be the most insightful concept for you, but if you take away anything from this post - appreciate that the average person is more alert and interested in his/her own name than all others. If you can remember that name and call it easily in conversation, you’ve paid a subtle and very effective compliment.

Even when stepping away from the professional realm, always use this tip. I can’t tell you how many times my friends kick themselves for forgetting a name on a date. Or how a child can feel so small because they’ve been referred to as ‘you / girl / boy’.

Spare yourself the embarrassment. Use this simple tool to connect with others and it may just help you open doors that were previously frozen shut.

About the author:

Krishna Mootoosamy is an ex-Lloyd's of London market insurance broker, student of sales psychology and a 1st class Economics graduate. He serves as a Proposal Manager and Vice President at Marsh USA Inc. collaborating with risk management experts to create impactful pitches and proposals.

References:

• How to win friends an influence people, Dale Carnegie.
• SuperLearner Academy, Anthony Metivier and Jonathan Levi.