The language of Coaching – Straight from the heart!

A recent wellness coaching engagement required me to coach in Tamil (my mother tongue) and the language the client was comfortable in. This was my first time coaching in Tamil though that’s the language I speak at home. In all honesty I was somewhat nervous for a variety of reasons – maybe because all professional situations and conversations have required me to converse in English or maybe because all my coach training & coaching experience has been in English or maybe simply because it was my first time. But I parked these doubts aside and took my decision quite impulsively - that I would sign up with this client (a wonderful human being), who trusted me to partner with them in their journey.

After our very first exploratory session itself I walked out convinced that it was the best gut decision I’d taken! The conversation was so easy (though the client did most of the talking!)…it felt so natural and comfortable and I couldn’t believe that I actually walked in that day not feeling 100%.

The subsequent sessions not only reaffirmed what I felt after our first one, but did something magical for me. It brought out the very best in me and thereby to the partnership…it let me flow like a river and I felt a beautiful sense of rhythm in our dialogue. As a coach, I am most comfortable coaching from the heart space, keeping aside all interference and coaching in my mother tongue truly created that space. A master coach’s training enables a conscious shift to this heart-space, but while coaching in my native tongue it was an unconscious one.

I am someone who however thinks in English, given all my education since the age of 3 was in English as the medium, like most Indian city-breds. So I must confess that I did not have ready made substitutes for words like “Actions” or “Goals” or “Commitments” which are terms frequently used in a coaching conversation. But instead of fumbling or blanking out because I didn’t have the right word, I found a way to get my thought across, because my feelings behind those thoughts anchored my confidence to get them through. My big insight was this - we may think in a foreign language but feelings that flow from the heart and from a primal state, are usually in the mother tongue, the language that gave us comfort and security when we first learnt to speak and discover the world around us.

Deep coaching is truly beyond language and words, but is from a space of one’s being, and often it is important for the coach to understand beyond the client’s spoken words. When I didn’t have the right words, I conveyed everything and more through my unspoken words and just being with the client. Isn’t that what all beautiful partnerships are all about?

The sessions made me feel so much more grounded and present and took me to a very personal space in a professional setting. I have believed that a good coaching conversation must give the client the same sense of deep sharing as with one’s best friend. And that these conversations are always personal even though the coaching goal itself maybe a professional one. And this experience created that space for us.

Today, I am as comfortable and ready to coach in Tamil (or even Hindi!) as I am with English. And in fact I will do it consciously from time to time to give me the allowance to be in touch with myself. Because as coaches it is important to give ourselves the space and allowance to be in touch with our most natural selves, and bring out our best. Coaching mastery indeed begins with this self discovery of understanding ourselves and our own self-limiting beliefs.

I am in gratitude to my client (you know who you are!) who made this experience and insight possible for me. And for believing in me when I was unsure.

Vijayalakshmi S, MCC