The Lament of A Lost Donor

I gave because I believed in your mission. Life taught me the importance of what you do.

I made the decision to give. No one “developed” me or solicited me but you included my gift in the amount you said you “raised.”

You thanked me for my first gift. I gave more; you thanked me the same way. The more I gave the more material I received telling me how wonderful you were.

I told myself not to be petty, that your mission was far more important than my ego

I gave more still; you thanked me the same way. 

I began to ask if my giving was making any real difference. I e-mailed your president to see if I could get more information on the impact of my giving. A development officer wrote back and suggested that I get “more involved” so I could see for myself.

I agreed to join your advisory board. At each meeting, you provided yet another example of how wonderful your organization was, then asked us what we thought. What was there to say? Bravo. Well done.

You said that money was the only thing preventing you from doing more but you couldn’t show me how you would measure “more” or how it related to the amounts you were requesting. You couldn’t tell me what you were doing to reduce inefficiencies or make the most of the resources you already had.

I offered my expertise. I was willing to roll up my sleeves and grapple with hard issues but you said that the professional staff might feel as if I was questioning their expertise. Your lawyers said it might create “liability issues.” You wanted my money but not the expertise that allowed me to keep making more.   You wanted me to just sit on the sidelines and cheer you on.

I gave to another organization with a similar mission. Within days, they did something you never did. They asked me why I had given. I told them my story. They came back with a plan that showed how their capabilities aligned with my philanthropic hopes. They asked me to give through their organization not just to it.  They didn’t ask me to join a cheerleading board; they treated me like a valued consultant. They don’t always agree with me but they listen and give me straight answers. Now I’m giving them more than I gave you.

That’s why I stopped giving to you – and you have yet to ask me why.