Lady, what's holding you back? - Part I

“If we're afraid to stand in our own skin with those we work with, then how do we lead those who have no voice at all?” ~Ertharin Cousin

Women Empowerment has come a long way. Today, many more leaders, organizations and nations are embracing the call for gender parity, education of girls, no child brides, and equal pay rights. Women Empowerment is not about making women strong. Women already demonstrate their strength through the hardships and struggles of everyday life. It's not about making women powerful. A powerful inner strength already exists in every woman. Women Empowerment is about EVERYONE joining hands to tear down the walls of segregation, stigmas, and unconscious bias in our societies; about enabling women everywhere to live to their fullest potential and contribute maximally in every sector they desire to contribute to. That way, the societies in which we live can truly develop and the future children of the world can call us blessed.

What are some barriers inhibiting women from pursuing their dreams? In my line of coaching and mentoring, here are the top 8 I have heard and seen:

a. Cultural Expectations: Right from the primitive era, women always had the role of staying at home, bearing children and taking care of the family, including aged parents and extended members of the family. In many emerging markets around the world, women are expected to follow not lead, to remain silent not speak up, and cannot own land nor run a business. This means many girls and women are not exposed to opportunities of a better life or a taste of the new perspectives. Cultural traditions like this still hold strongly today in many parts of the world but some progress is being made too. Campaigns and more awareness is helping to take down some of these barriers giving women the same opportunities as men to obtain formal education, to work or even own businesses. More “working fathers” are sharing the load and the statistics of “stay at home” dads is also increasing. Nonetheless, the general perception is still that the woman should dedicate more time to her children and family regardless of her profession or level of education. 

b. Less Confidence. In 2012, even though more than 126 million female entrepreneurs were either starting or running new businesses, in all of the 69 countries considered in the Global Entrepreneurship Monitor (GEM) 2012 Women’s Report, women were on average still less confident than men in entrepreneurial capabilities in every economy field studied. In developed regions of Asia women showed the lowest levels of confidence in their abilities. For example, only 5 percent of women surveyed in Japan believed they had the skills necessary to start their own business. Yet this finding was not uniform: according to the GEM report, women in sub-Saharan Africa showed much greater confidence in their entrepreneurial capabilities. Four out of five women in Zambia, Malawi, Ghana, Uganda and Nigeria expressed confidence in having the skills necessary to start their own business and were less afraid to leave their comfort zone. Part of these higher levels of confidence in sub-Saharan Africa is owed to the fact that almost 60 percent of women know other women entrepreneurs and this gives them direct interaction with a role model. I share more insight about this in my upcoming book "Confidence Pearls".

c. Fear of Failure: What if I fail? What if people think I’m a fraud? What if I make a fool of myself? A world of what ifs. Did you know that fear of failure is the #1 reason why many people do not try at all? The fear of failing can keep us so trapped that we never even step out of the closet. The fear of failure is also known as “atychiphobia.” We all experience fear from time to time. It could show up through anxiety, venturing into the unknown and wanting to make sense of it all. The mindset shift is not to allow the fear to hold us back from living life to the fullest and achieving great things. To overcome fear is to embrace it like a gift- a gift that you choose to receive and then spin it around into some positive action. Everyone feels fear at some point. It's what we do with the fear that makes the courageous stand out. 

d. Lack of Sufficient Role Models. In one of the local companies I worked for many years ago, we noticed that ladies were leaving after having been with the company just a little over a year. When asked why, the common statement each of these ladies gave independently was the following “I look ahead and there is no senior woman to inspire me. I am not sure this is a company where women can grow”. Everyone needs a role model. Everyone needs a trusted individual or individuals whom one can look up to, who can share experiences that can guide you into success in a faster and better way and who can keep you from making the same mistakes they made themselves in the past, a confidante who truly believes in you. This is what Joan Njoroge, Engen Mauritius MD revealed: “Like many young girls my dream was to be an air-hostess so that I could travel the world! It had never occurred to me that I could become the managing director of a company, working in a variety of countries. My aspirations were limited to the examples that were available to me at the time. Growing up I didn’t know of women in senior executive roles. I therefore didn’t aspire to such a position as I didn’t realize that it was even a possibility,” she explained.

Let me tell you my story too. Growing up, I developed an overwhelming love for mathematics and physics. I dreamt of becoming an electrical engineer and as my university days drew nearer, I looked forward to studying as one. Did I end up studying electrical engineering? No, I didn’t. I was talked out of it as it was deemed as “unfit’ and “unlady-like”. Looking around me, no woman in my family had studied electrical engineering, which also contributed to the feeling that my choice was inappropriate. Imagine if my family had a trail of awesome female electrical engineers, it would have been a no-brainer, right? That’s the power of having role models or examples to look up to. 

e. The Comparison Trap: A very common phenomenon is falling into the comparison trap—the self sabotaging trap that tends to push you into a demoralising state where you feel you’re never enough. One minute you’re feeling great your hair is growing but then you spot your friend’s lustrous hair on her Facebook profile and it saddens your heart. One minute you’re loving your curves, the next minute you’re biting your nails wishing you had a psychedelic body like your new colleague at work. ... to be continued.

What's your story? What's holding you back from being unstoppable at work and life? I'd love to hear for you.

Mofoluwaso Ilevbare (Transformational Coach. Speaker. Author)

www.mofoluwasoilevbare.com