Lady Leaders...Let's Get SALTy

This post is for my fellow female leaders out there. Raise your hand if you have ever said something, whether in writing or in a meeting, then wondered some version of, Should I have said that? Every woman reading this?! Great...keep reading. If you are wondering if you have worked with a woman who has had that experience (you do) -- and maybe wondering if you caused it (you probably have, even if unintentionally) -- great...keep reading!

I have this experience almost daily and have since my first management job as a camp director. Because I'm a kind (accommodating) person who values collaboration and communication (being liked by others), my go-to reaction to that feeling is to explain my reasoning, often drawing a connection for the person I think they value or have experienced themselves (otherwise stereotypically called manipulating). Recently I found myself explaining my consulting rate. I shared it, then in response to that feeling, I began my empath communication dance. I stood by my value, but explained it had been a long journey as a woman professional to be able to know and speak into my value as women are conditioned by society to...yada yada.

When I shared this with my close friend Gerri DiBenedetto , a therapist, I thought she would commend me (I love a good validation!) but instead, she said lovingly, "You didn't have to say any of that. Don't J.A.D.E." She had shared the JADE acronym with me before, and as she shared it again -- Don't Justify! Don't Apologize! Don't Defend! Don't Explain! -- emphasis on the DON'T, I realized, that's exactly what I had done. Doh! This time it stuck, but my mindset works in forward motion, yes instead of no, do instead of don't do, and one day while out running, I thought, there should be an acronym that is the positive mirror of JADE so that when I say, Tiffany don't JADE, I can also say do X instead.

I came up with SALT!

Say it Straight: Saying it straight means being intentional, direct, and honest. It means thinking before we say something so that we can be straight and stand by it. It also means avoiding confusing language or euphemisms. It doesn't mean being rude or yelling (not my language). I can be kind and direct, and being direct is a form of kindness because we are conveying trust in people's capacity to receive what we are saying.

Acknowledge: If we need to own something, like not getting something right previously, another person's contribution, or the impact on the person receiving the message, it's good to acknowledge what needs to be said in order for the communication to be complete.

Leave It: This is the big one for a lot of women. Too often when we get that feeling, we begin filling up the silence with JADE-ing, or even diminishing our voice by saying things like, "It's just my two sense," or even worse, "You know more than I do." Let's just not. The next time you get that feeling, pause and count to at least 20 (I know, it's a long pause), but trust me, someone else will step into the silence.

Trust It: Once said and left to linger, now it's time to let it go with all the trust we have because the toothpaste is out of the tube. That is why we pondered before we said it straight. If you need to, channel your inner Idina Menzel and sing a couple lines of Let it Go in your mind (or out loud) and visualize it drifting up into the glory that is your sky of awesome ideas.

Trust me as someone who learned, then quickly forgot JADE and kept JADE-ing, you will need to practice this to internalize it. I would personally love to hear about the next time you have a, Should I have said that? moment and you get SALTy, whether you are a fellow female leader or a person of another identity who picks this practice up. Who knows...maybe it will even be in responding to this post!