Ladies…Never make a man your financial plan!

“It's a man's job to respect a woman, but it's a woman's job to give him something to respect”-Anonymous

Albert Einstein once said, “If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things”. If a woman wishes to be fulfilled, stable, wealthy and happy in life, she must never make men her financial plan. In her best-selling book, Rich Woman, that I will recommend for all young ladies and women out there, Kim Kiyosaki said: “A man is not a financial plan”.

Some young ladies design their lives around men. The man is their ‘bank’, salary, business, their money spinning venture, their career, occupation and ATM machine! Such young ladies normally end up becoming miserable in life. Men can complement in many ways but no woman must make a man her source of wealth. God is your Source. Don’t ever build your life around a man, no matter how much you are involved in his life. Don’t lose yourself in a bid to find someone else. A lady that builds her life around a man has pitiably marked herself for a journey to oblivion.

“When you learn how much you are worth, you will stop giving people discounts!”-Anonymous

Don’t ever live in such a way that you become a liability to a man! Live in such a way that it becomes obvious to the man you come in contact with that his life is always richer with your presence. One of the defining truths of life is that no man will value you more than you value yourself. Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. You are not a “domestic appendage”, always be a first-rate version of yourself instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. Don’t go around in a way that men will see you as a liability. You are an asset. As a lady, you must be able to earn your own living and pay your own way. If you don’t like being a doormat then get off the floor!

 One night President Obama and his wife, Michelle, decided to do something out of routine and go for a casual dinner at a restaurant that wasn’t too luxurious. When they were seated, the owner of the restaurant asked the President’s Secret Service if he could please speak to the First Lady in private. They obliged and Michelle had a conversation with the owner. All along, the President was very curious about this man that his wife spent close to 20 minutes talking with and leaving him, the most powerful man in the whole world sitting alone in a restaurant!

After the conversation, President Obama asked Michelle, “Why was he so interested in talking to you?” She mentioned that in her teenage years, he had been madly in love with her. President Obama then said, “So if you had married him, you would now be the owner of this lovely restaurant,” to which Michelle responded, “No. If I had married him, he would now be the President!” I believe strongly that every woman should learn something from this story.

In her best-selling book, “A Return To Love”, Marianne Williamson, an American spiritual writer and women’s advocate, gave one of the most fascinating and self- enlightening quotes ever. Marianne said, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, ‘who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and famous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s all in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others”.

“How shall I ever learn who I am when there is so much of me that belongs to someone else?”-Madeline Claire Franklin

One of the most fascinating and inspiring stories of “beauty and brain” is that of the literary giant, author, storyteller and astute writer, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. She is a woman that I have come a long way to respect her ideologies and highly cerebral belief in the word-feminism. Chimamanda has both in beauty and writings proved to the world that authentic things need no gloss, polish or glitter to shine. Her life preaches the truth that every woman can aspire to become the best version of herself. She has become a true and authentic model of the word ‘feminism’ while some ladies have allowed preying men to destroy the feminist potentials in them.

“Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option”- Maya Angelou

In her international best-selling book, WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINIST, Chimamanda hit the nail on the head to encourage women and young ladies on the reason why they should never shrink themselves for any man: “We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls: ‘You can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful. Otherwise, you will threaten the man.’ Because I am female, I am expected to aspire to marriage. I am expected to make my life choices, always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. Now, marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support, but why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same?”

One of the most radical and controversial women in the world, Lady Gaga, said: “Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your dream will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.” By building a life and lifestyle around our values, goals, dreams and vision, we create a life that is more sustainable, satisfying, meaningful and fulfilling. The best self-image is not the one that is attached to another man; it is the one that is internally motivated! Your self-worth and not the one derived from others is your net-worth.

“Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.” – Bruce Lee

I would also like to encourage parents to instill confidence into their girl-child because the way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice. We must help them to develop their self-esteem. Teach them never to walk in any man’s shadow because once they know their worth, nobody can make them feel worthless.

Theodor Adorno said, “In the age of the individual’s liquidation, the question of individuality must be raised anew.” So many young ladies have liquidated themselves to build their life around a man. We should stop buying into the myth that only a life built around a man means a better life. It is a blatant lie. Your self-worth, personal development, personal goals and relationship with God should be the object of your pursuit.

It is appalling to see how young ladies go into unholy lengths to get their lives wounded around a man while they constantly neglect their own personal development. The search for self-worth is not a man-phenomenon; a healthy self-esteem begins by finding what is indestructible inside, and then letting it be. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one”.

“Don’t lose yourself trying to be everything to everyone”-Tony Gaskins

Roberts Liardon said, “An internal security will always produce an outward stability”. Stop depending on unsustainable life supporting system, be secured from within, and put more effort into building your self-esteem. Stop spending too much time on things that are ephemeral and transient. Many ladies have been psychologically battered and manipulated to believe that their worth is inferior to that of a man and I believe strongly that the level of ignorance that is ravaging young ladies needs to be urgently addressed before the victim’s doomsday.

“I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but it comes from within. It is there all the time.”-Anna Freud

I would like to reach out to all the young ladies and women out there with the words of Harvey Fierstein: “Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.” You are designed by God not to blend in, but to stand out. It’s not about being who everyone else wants you to be; it’s about being yourself and finding someone who loves every bit of it. By being yourself, you put something beautiful into the world that was not there before.

Your uniqueness is meant to be celebrated; don’t compromise who you are for people that refuse to accept your uniqueness; sooner or later, they will realize their folly and not yours. Don’t build your life around any man; build your life around your growth and your goals. Instead of being a gold digger around a man, be a goal digger! You have a goldmine when you have a goal mind.

Finally,I want to also reach out to the domineering ‘big guys’ out there with this striking truth: the greatest platform you can ever give to your daughter and wife is to give them a platform to be themselves. The strength of a man is measured by how much he has empowered his woman. Steve Maraboli once said, “Only insecure boys will belittle a woman. The greatest way to man-up is to empower women”. Empower your girl-child; empower your woman. Real men don’t compete with women, they collaborate with women.

“Nothing is so necessary for a young man as the company of intelligent women.”- Leo Tolstoy