Ladies: You’re Never Going To Achieve Work-Life Balance—It’s All A Sham

Currently women make up almost half of the workforce, with that number?expected to decline ?in upcoming years. Women are more vulnerable when it comes to their jobs, with?research ?indicating that they are more likely to lose their jobs to technology compared to men. The primary reason for this is because fields and industries that are heavily dominated by women will be greatly impacted by technology and automation. Women who decide to work and raise a family may experience several obstacles on their journey. For one, if women decide to take time off to raise a family, they may find it?difficult ?to reintegrate back into the workplace—opportunities that were available before taking time off may vanish upon a woman’s return.

Working mothers may experience the?motherhood penalty , where they are discriminated against simply based on the fact that they are mothers.?Reports ?indicate that employers often view mothers as less dedicated to their roles. Working mothers may also experience judgement from stay-at-home mothers. Shonda Rhimes, who is a well-known television producer, author, and writer detailed the perceived judgement she felt in her 2015 book?Year of Yes . Rhimes shared the internal conflict she grappled with when asked to bake homemade goods for her daughter’s bake sale. Rhimes expressed her frustration with the homemade bake policy imposed on the mothers; her busy schedule made it difficult to find time to bake. Rhimes’ story mirrors the?experiences ?of many working moms who find themselves caught in the judgmental glare of society. To compound this effect, another result of the motherhood penalty is a widening of the wage gap.?Research ?indicates that working mothers are penalized $16,000 every year in lost wages. The penalty may begin as soon as women share news of their pregnancy. Although pregnancy discrimination is illegal,?reports ?indicate that it still persists in today’s workplaces.

For mothers who decide to enter the workplace while simultaneously taking care of their families and in some cases being the sole provider, accomplishing the ever-elusive work-life balance can seem insurmountable. The reality of it is that?60% ?of families in the U.S. employ nannies, with caregivers being an even more common occurrence in other countries around the world. The?nanny stigma ?prevents many families from revealing that they have help in order to avoid appearing elitist. Part of the problem is that not enough women are talking about the help they receive to the achieve their work-life balance. In addition, more and more families are resorting to grandparent caregivers, where grandparents take care of grandchildren or watch them on a regular basis. As childcare costs?continue to rise , grandparent caregivers present a more practicable option that can save families money on nannies, babysitters and daycare costs. The?granny nanny phenomenon ?is particularly attractive not only because of the cost savings but also the added level of trust that comes with having a grandparent caregiver. There is even a website called?Rent a Grandma ?where users can hire a “mature woman” for childcare services. In 2008, the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP)?reported ?that 5.3% of U.S. households were multigenerational—more than a decade later, and that number has likely increased.

Why is the notion of work-life balance a myth? In reality, you’re never going to be winning in every avenue of your life. It is not realistic to think that you can perfectly balance childcare and family responsibilities, a thriving marriage, a thriving career while also maintaining friendships and finding the time to periodically update your social media profiles. Anyone that says that they are achieving that ‘balance’ likely has the help necessary to make everything work, and even then, it’s becoming harder and harder to juggle the growing demands of life. Don’t beat yourself up trying to achieve an unattainable and unachievable version of what society made you believe a working mother should be. Tiffany Dufu authored a book called?Drop the Ball: Achieving More by Doing Less , about her journey navigating the increased demands of family and work. In the book, Dufu instructed women to drop the proverbial ball and let go of the idea that every task must be completed to perfection and that every aspect of your life will be picturesque and put together. Dufu’s advice is applicable now more than ever given that the rise of social media has made way for constant comparisons. The sooner women realize work-life balance is the myth, the faster they can reclaim their power, and their happiness and stop living a life based on unattainable ideals.?

This article was originally published in Forbes in March 2020.

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