Ladies, We Need to Stick Together!

I would like to set the record straight up front that this perspective is not about men being terrible and is not intended to be a male-bashing message in any way (judging by the title!). Not only are the men in my personal life (my father, brother, husband, son, and many friends) incredibly kind, generous, and supportive people but I’ve had the great fortune to work with or for some amazing men over the years, some of whom continue to support and mentor me.

At the risk of sounding like Captain Obvious, I want to talk about why women need to support other women.

Why Wouldn’t Women Be Supportive of Other Women?

Since I started working towards launching my own Marketing Consulting business earlier this summer, I have spent a great deal of time meeting and chatting with friends and past colleagues to ask questions, get their perspective, and receive advice. It’s been really wonderful and I will forever be grateful for all of the wisdom that’s been shared with me these last few months.

However, I started seeing a trend in some of the conversations I was having with other women, which to be honest disturbed me a bit. Multiple stories came up about terrible experiences in Corporate America, where women were either undermined or stabbed in the back by another woman. In some cases, we’re talking serious sabotage!

There have certainly been times where I have disagreed with or not seen things eye-to-eye with another woman in a professional setting, but in almost all cases both sides were always respectful. I had never experienced what a pure “stab in the back” by another woman felt like until just recently. To be honest, I was in denial and just didn’t see it coming, as this was a person that I had developed a solid relationship with and even considered a partner. Looking back I see the signs, but as they say, hindsight is 20/20. I guess I just expect the best from people and always give everyone the benefit of the doubt. So I was really taken aback when this happened to me. I suppose I’m lucky that it hasn’t happened more often.

But other women I’ve spoken to shared numerous stories of how they were bullied or hurt professionally by other women, and it just breaks my heart to hear them.

We Will Not Rise Up If We Don’t Support Each Other

Women have been fighting for equal pay and equal rights for years. But how can we expect to get gender equality in the workplace if we have to worry about being bullied by other women?

I was really surprised to read in the NY Times article that a survey conducted by the Workplace Bullying Institute showed that 40 percent of workplace bullies are women. Men don't seem to discriminate between men and women targets, whereas women bullies are more likely to bully other women. Honestly, this blows my mind!

This quote from the article is almost word for word what I heard from another woman who has her own Consulting business: “I’ve been sabotaged so many times in the workplace by other women, I finally left the corporate world and started my own business.”

I wonder if the reason women sabotage each other is because they feel there are not enough great opportunities available, so they have to ruthlessly compete for those opportunities.

I’m sorry, but I just can’t accept this behavior. Maybe I’m not ambitious enough, but I would never step over another woman to climb the corporate ladder.

If you happen to be someone who is being bullied in the workplace, here's a helpful article on different types of bullies and how to spot them and stop them!

We’re All on the Same Team Ladies!

It seems like common sense, but the more we encourage others, the more support we receive in return. And the more collective success we can experience.

I have seen some incredible women leaders, and one thing that they have in common is that they helped others rise up while achieving great success. This proves to me that a women’s success does not have to come at the price of hurting or damaging the reputation of another woman.

On a total side note and speaking of STRONG women and groups that support each other...some of the strongest women I've ever met were in the village of Nimuwaboji, Nepal. My family and I, along with several other friends were there in partnership with BuildOn.org in 2017 building a school in this remote village, with no running water and electricity. We lived with and worked side by side with the villagers, mostly women given the men were away working in big cities or even in other countries. Sadly there were very few job opportunities in their area.

We broke ground and started construction, digging ditches and laying the foundation without any modern tools or machinery, and lifting HEAVY rocks, all with the intent to build a school for their children. It was all back breaking work! Sadly we had to leave after a week but they finished the school with the help of BuildOn within a couple of months. They were incredibly strong, physically and mentally, and it was the most amazing and humbling experience. They certainly put the men in our group to shame with their physical strength, all while wearing their gorgeous and colorful traditional clothing! One afternoon with the help of interpreters, the women in our group spent time with some of the women from the village (and the same with the men) and we asked each other questions about life in both of our countries. What really stood out to me is the power of community, and how much these women relied on each other, as they had so much to manage with so little means. It was really inspiring.

Women must stick together and empower each other. I believe that with all of my being. That is why I was thrilled when several women that I really admire and respect at my last job approached me last year about joining them in starting a grassroots community-driven forum for women. We knew, especially as women in Tech, how hard it is to get ahead and how few women were in Senior Leadership positions in our company. We wanted to change that so we launched the program globally and it was so exciting to see women across the globe join and participate!

We launched the Women's Leadership Forum for women at Digital Realty to come together to drive innovation and provide a collegiate environment for sharing, collaboration, and support. Our goal was to provide an opportunity to collaborate with, mentor and seek input from those we would not have an opportunity to work with otherwise, especially younger women who were just starting their career and could benefit from the extra support.

Although I’m no longer at Digital Realty, I know the organization continues to grow and thrive, and I’m just honored that I got to be a part of it. I’m also thankful for the friendships and strong bonds that I made with female colleagues as a result.

Raising The New Generation of Women

I’m sure we can all remember the “Mean Girls” in Junior High School and High School. Girls who were senselessly threatened by other girls. Girls who would be cruel in order to attain the upper hand. Are those the same women who are bullying others in the workplace I wonder?!

I do believe that female bullies (as with all bullies!) are doing it because of their own lack of self-esteem, or feelings of inadequacy. In many cases, the bullies I’ve seen or heard about have been smart and hard-working women. But for some reason, they seem to believe that they have to attack and bring down other women in order to succeed vs. collaborating with them to find mutual success.

I also wonder if a new generation of women is being raised today to be “strong” and succeed at any price, but not being taught that success doesn’t have to come at the expense of other people, and especially women.

My husband and I have done our best to treat our son and daughter as equals from the time they were born. However, I do admit that I am very consciously raising my daughter to be strong, independent, and to believe that she’s able to do anything through hard work. However, at the same time, I try to model positive behavior and let her see that kindness and empathy need to go hand in hand with strength. And that one never puts down another person, especially to gain something.

Are other parents taking this approach with their daughters? I know many parents that are in my community, but I sure hope everyone is!

I should add that I’ve also tried to make sure that my son sees that women can be ambitious, successful, and have strong opinions. I think I’ve set a positive example as a working mom. We’ve also tried to teach him that he needs to always stand by, and support, his female friends. I’m actually thrilled that he has quite a few close friends that are girls, and they are smart, strong, capable, and kick ass young ladies!

Pay It Forward

I strongly believe in Karma. And by that, I don’t mean I do good things just so that good things happen to me. I mean that by putting positive energy into the world and supporting other people (of all genders, races, and religions) in their road to success, or whatever their heart's desire is, we can only bring about positive change in the world.

So ladies, let’s help to raise each other up, because we will all benefit from the higher tide.