Ladies: 6 Things To Consider Before Marrying Again

Deciding to remarry takes a healthy dose of courage and an equal share of hope. The statistics advertise extraordinarily high second and third marriage failure rates and divorce has become a go-to solution for too many. However two things about marriage have been and still are true:

- Couples do not enter into marriage with the intention of becoming divorced.

and

- The time to make a plan for handling conflict is long before any conflict occurs.

Consideration up front pays dividends on the back end. Before tying the knot for a second or third time, I recommend thinking through the following 6 things to determine whether there are any issues that need further discussion - either with your future spouse, your family or potentially with a coach or therapist:

1 - Finances - How are the two of you planning to manage your money? After a divorce, the subject of money can be one of the most sensitive topics to discuss. The very idea of combining checking accounts, risking assets and trusting someone else with your hard earned/hard-won financial security may be the biggest reason holding you back from making a big commitment. Take time to talk about your feelings about money - both spending and saving. Make sure you have reached consensus about how you will plan for a life together and how you will be managing your expenses and how you will approach difficult times.  

2 - Conflict - As fun as courtship and dating can be, no relationship is without times of disagreement. Take time to consider how the other person behaves when things don’t go their way. Do they respond in a kind and compassionate manner? Do they fight ‘fair’? Do they need time to assess before they can finish a difficult conversation? A key to surviving conflict well is already having a plan for managing conflict. Knowing that the two of you can work through difficulties successfully makes you function more like a team and helps make those times feel less overwhelming and less permanent.

3 - Hygiene - What seemed charming at first may become a point of contention if you are not prepared to accept or work with each other’s little quirks before getting married and living together. While it might have seemed intimate and loving to pick your favorite shirt or tidy him up a little before you went out to dinner when you were dating, if personal appearance matters to you, make sure these are not signs that he is going to be a slob all the time.

4 - Taste - Do you have the same style and taste? While this is not always a deal-breaker, the older you get, the more set in your ways each of you will be. When you were young, it was easy to take charge of the decor and style of your home. Think about what blending your home will look and feel like. Will both of you be able to give and take on the decor, style, and design of your living space? Will you be able to live with his favorite pieces and will he be able to live with yours?

5 - His Family/Your Family - In a second or even third marriage, you each may have kids that were part of your respective worlds long before either of you knew each other or were thinking of marrying each other. In some ways, those kids and their relationship to each of you have a priority that - while you can expect it to change over time - needs to be respected and understood. Consider how well you fit into the existing family dynamic and how well he fits into yours. If there is strain between his ex, his children or his extended family already, give thought to why the issue exists and whether bringing this tension into your life and the lives of your children is something that is worth doing in order to maintain this relationship.

6 - Job Security/ Job Location - Are your work schedules compatible? Do you work in an industry that is likely to transfer you or require relocation? Where it might have been fun to meet up late at night after work functions or hear about his exotic travel while you were dating, think about whether you will enjoy the same type of schedule - either yours or his - when you are married and just want to be together at home. Will you be comfortable if either of you has to take long business trips, need to work late hours or are required to attend social functions? If you or he work in a highly unstable industry, will you be comfortable if either of you is unemployed for a time and needs to rely solely on the other for financial support?

No marriage is perfect - as any long-term married couple will tell you, marriage takes work and requires compromise. However, knowing in advance where some of the bigger challenges lie helps set you on a course for success. Setting realistic expectations and creating workable plans lets you weather stormy seasons and have an agreement in advance so you know what to expect when times get tough.

Erica McCurdy gets ‘stuck’ people ‘un-stuck’. As a Master Certified Coach, Inspirational Speaker, Business Strategist and practicing Career/Finance/Divorce Coach in the Metro Atlanta Area, she brings over 25 years of combined business and family experience to her practice. You can find out more at www.McCurdyLifeCoach.com