Lacking Self-Respect?

Self-respect is a crucial component of our emotional and mental well-being . It shapes how we see ourselves, how we allow others to treat us, and how we navigate the world. Unfortunately, many people struggle with self-respect due to their past experiences, at home or outside, societal conditioning, or personal insecurities. When self-respect is compromised, it manifests in behaviors that can be damaging to their mental health, relationships, and overall quality of life.

We all find people around us socially or professionally, who allow others to walk all over them for no reason. On top of that, they don’t utter a single word. This can happen due to the following reasons:

1. Taken for granted
2. Ignored or under-valued
3. People crossing their boundaries
4. Feeling unappreciated or disrespected.

Though it’s a terrible way to behave in public or in person but people, at times, use these techniques to check someone’s loyalty or slavery traits and ensure that other person is too sensitive about it or not.

In this article, we shall discuss some behaviors that people display without actually realising that they may be hurting other person’s feelings.

1. Dismissal

The first behavior that is a huge red flag is the constant dismissal of one’s feelings. It’s as harmful as it sounds. For someone who has always been accommodating others, it is a blow to his/her self-esteem when feelings were regularly ignored or belittled. This behavior can teach us to question our own emotions, thinking they are invalid or unimportant.

If someone consistently dismisses our feelings or makes us feel like they don’t matter, it’s a clear sign of disrespect. Let’s start by acknowledging our own emotions. Recognize that they are valid and important. If others fail to do so, it’s not a reflection on us but on them. When we encounter this behavior, learn to address it asertively. Express that our feelings are important and deserve respect.

2. Criticism

The second behaviour that signals a lack of self-respect is constant criticism. Friends or colleagues who keep nitpicking at our choices, actions, and even our respective personalities may happen to have low self esteem issues too. Some times, it makes us believe that we can never do anything right. This relentless criticism starts chipping away our self-esteem, making us feel inadequate and constantly on edge.

This quote by Carl Rogers should hit us real hard: “The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change.” It should remind us that we all are a work in progress, constantly learning and evolving. Constructive feedback is crucial for our growth, but constant criticism is not. If someone continually criticises us in a way that’s not constructive or respectful, it’s time to reconsider that relationship, be it professionally or otherwise. We need to generate that level of courage within.

3. Personal Boundaries

Failing to establish and enforce personal boundaries is another sign of a lack of self-respect. These are essential for maintaining healthy relationships and protecting one’s mental and emotional well-being. People who struggle with self-respect often find it difficult to set boundaries, fearing that doing so will upset others or cause conflict.

This includes taking more work for no reason, spending more time at work for no reason, taking undue instructions for no reason and so on and so forth. When personal boundaries are ignored, individuals may find themselves feeling overwhelmed, taken advantage of, or disrespected. Building self-respect involves recognising our limits and being assertive in communicating the same to others. It’s okay to prioritise our needs and learn to say "NO" when necessary.

4. Taken for?granted

There are times when people consider themselves some kind of a convenience to others. We are there to help, to listen, to solve problems, but it has to be reciprocal, i.e., when we needed them, they should be equally accessible to us. This unilateral dynamic makes people feel undervalued and unappreciated, as if we were a tool or a toy for them rather than a valued friend or colleague at work.

As the renowned psychologist William James said, “We are like islands in the sea, separate on the surface but connected in the deep.” We all need each other, and taking someone for granted is a sure sign of disrespect. If we find ourselves being taken for granted, let’s remind ourselves our worth. We deserve to be appreciated and valued, not just when it’s convenient for others, but at all times without fail.

5. Apologising

The final behavior that signals a lack of self-respect is: apologizing excessively , saying SORRY all the time. It may seem counter-intuitive, but constantly saying sorry, even when we are not at fault, is a clear sign of lacking self-respect. I’ve seen people, especially at work, uttering this word SORRY just to end any rising dispute, they prefer to apologize for everything, It is like I was apologizing for our very existence.

Excessive apologizing can send a message that we’re not confident in our actions or decisions, and it can invite people to take advantage of us. Here’s a practical tip: Next time you’re about to apologize, stop and ask yourself if you’ve really done something wrong. If not, resist the urge to say sorry. Instead, express gratitude. For example, instead of saying “Sorry for being late,” say “Thank you for waiting for me.”

In a?nutshell?

Always remember that Respect begets respect and respect only starts with self-respect. Let’s not tolerate behaviors that belittle us or make us question our self worth, i.e.,

1. Let’s learn to stand up for ourselves, set boundaries, and demand respect we deserve and make it happen.
2. Let’s start expressing our needs respectfully and clearly. Let’s not shy away from saying no when necessary.
3. Self-respect sometimes has a price. Get ready to pay for it. We all find jerks around us all the time. Learn to face them and teach them a lesson when needed.

This journey may not be easy, but it’s worth it. As we grow in self-respect, we’ll notice a positive shift in our relationships and overall well-being. Behaviors that reflect a lack of self-respect can be damaging, but they are not irreversible. Recognising these patterns is the first step toward change.

Suggested Reading:

1. High Self-Esteem: #1 Agenda of life

2. Are you undervalued at work?

About the Author

Muhammad Sajwani is a C-Level HR, Transformation Leader, Board Advisor, Business Coach & Organisational Consultant working in the capacity of Managing Director, Evolve HR . He is an author, columnist and a contributor who besides writing for other platforms also regularly writes at BizCatalyst 360 . He brings along 30+ years of local & international experience. He is a change catalyst specializing in unleashing the human Dreamgenius through Leadership, Creativity and Change Management. Muhammad has been instrumental in helping organizations come to terms with organizational changes like right-sizing and business process re-engineering. His innovative approach & high personal competence encourages people to not only accept change, but also to excel in it. Muhammad has diverse experience in conducting strategic & management development programs, conferences & events for organisations across sectors.