Lack of confidence: Negative self-talk or past experiences impacting self-belief

Confidence, an elusive quality that seems to radiate from the most successful individuals, can often feel like an unattainable dream for those plagued by self-doubt.

Negative self-talk and past experiences can cast a shadow over our self-belief, hindering our ability to seize opportunities and reach our full potential. But fear not, for within every individual lies the power to build unshakable confidence and redefine their narrative.

The Power of Positive Self-Talk

Our internal dialogue has a profound impact on our confidence levels. By replacing self-critical thoughts with positive affirmations, we can rewire our mindset and cultivate a deep sense of self-belief.

As renowned psychologist Albert Bandura once said, "Beliefs in one's capabilities, coupled with the ability to sustain the motivation and effort needed to succeed, are the keys to achieving success."

If you suffer from this, one practical activity you could try is when your inner critic wants to take centre stage, stop.

Realise you are in charge of your thoughts, not the other way round.

Instead, whip out your phone, and send yourself a voice note of you, speaking to yourself as if you're consoling a close friend who's experiencing the same thing.

Give it an obscure name and a category/topic so you can search these voice notes and find them again easily when you, inevitably, suffer a similar situation again in the future.

There are 2 benefits

1. You are likely to speak kinder words. It's funny how that works. We can find how much kinder to others we are than to ourselves
2. It's likely you'll have patterns of behaviour that warrant that inner voice to come out. When you're feeling in a certain challenge, search that topic and listen before your inner critic has time to speak. Self-soothing.

Now, this may not eradicate the situation, or mistakes, but you might be surprised how your quality of life improves when just the way you speak to yourself in those moments, changes.

Harnessing the Power of Past Experiences

Past experiences, especially those perceived as failures, can often act as a barrier to confidence.

However, these experiences hold valuable lessons and opportunities for growth. By reframing these perceived failures as stepping stones on the path to success, we can transform our mindset and restore our confidence.

As writer Maya Angelou beautifully put it, "You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it."

One way to do this is take out your note taking device (to those who are old school, this may be a notepad and pen, and to the newer minds, maybe your phone or laptop lol) and draw 3 columns:

• Left Column - the facts - what is the objective truth in its simplest form?
• Middle Column - the reframe - how could this be interpreted as a positive?
• Right Column - The learning - what did you learn from this?

For example:

• Left Column - I was given my notice at work
• Middle Column - this is a chance to find a better fit
• Right Column - ask better questions at the interview stage. It needs to be a mutually beneficial relationship. They are looking for someone to pour into their company as much as I'm looking for a company to pour into. Together, we should be making the world a better place.

Through time, you might learn that what you considered a failure could be the greatest teaching opportunity. the trick is to learn from it so if it appears again, you deal with it very differently.

Embracing Authenticity

Confidence is not about pretending to be someone you're not.

True confidence stems from embracing your authentic self, flaws and all.

When you embrace your uniqueness and let go of the need for validation from others, you unlock the power to shine with unwavering confidence.

As author Marianne Williamson reminds us, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."

A big shift happened for me when I realised the difference between the "I" and the "Me".

The I is who you are, the Me is anything where you can say "my..." job, personality, friends, what you do, have, etc.

If those things aren't me, then those things don't have to define me. Which means I am just as valuable and just as me, with or without them.

I am enough.

That, for me, allows me to validate myself, be my authentic self, and walk into a room with chest out, chin up, and shoulders rolled back.

Cultivating a Growth Mindset

Adopting a growth mindset, characterised by a belief in the ability to learn and grow, is essential for building confidence.

Seeing challenges as opportunities for growth rather than insurmountable obstacles allows us to approach them with enthusiasm and resilience.

As psychologist Carol S. Dweck said, "In a growth mindset, challenges are exciting rather than threatening. So, rather than thinking, 'Oh, I'm going to reveal my weaknesses,' you say, 'Wow, here's a chance to grow.'"

A tool many coaches use is to get a client to exhaust all the possible reasons they can't do something and think of someone who doesn't have those challenges.

They might ask the client "what would [insert name] do?".

This can help them get out of their fixed mindset to see 'possibilities'.

It's like viewing the field from the top of a mound instead of the depths of the trenches - the landscape hasn't changed but your perspective has, dramatically.

My version of this tool was developed to empower them directly.

First, I help them define who they want to be in great detail first, and use that as a frame of reference moving on.

This might be their future self - the person they could become in 10 years, having beaten every challenge and experienced every success.

We would define what their wants and needs are, a day in their life, what they have achieved, who they are in the public eye, where they life, with who, and in what time scale. We get to the point with visualisation techniques that they can walk me through their day in incredible detail.

Then, when a challenge comes, I ask them "how would [future self] handle this?"

This not only puts you in a growth mindset of abundance, but helps you connect with that version of yourself that you're trying to reach!

Another example of this is "what would [future version] advise you", or my personal favourite - "how did [future version] handle this?".

This question accepts you as you are up to the present while inviting a new version of you that you still have the power to create. I use this on myself often.

So Now What?

While a lack of confidence may seem daunting, it doesn't have to define your journey.

By harnessing the power of positive self-talk, reframing past experiences, embracing authenticity, and cultivating a growth mindset, you can build unshakable confidence and unleash your true potential.

Remember, as author and speaker Zig Ziglar once said, "You are the only person on earth who can use your ability."

Embrace your unique strengths, believe in yourself, and step boldly into a life filled with limitless possibilities. The journey to unshakable confidence begins now.

If you need help with that, book a call with me.

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