Lack of Awareness

By: Lindy Earl

It’s sad that some people can be so rude, inconsiderate, and just lack compassion. What’s even more sad, however, is that these people are so blissfully unaware of their inappropriate behavior that they don’t even know that they are doing anything wrong. They live their lives thinking that they are perfectly fine even though they are being unkind to people.

If you challenged them about their behavior they would defend it. Not only are they never wrong but they will gaslight others to show that the other person was the one in the wrong.

I have a couple of examples of these people and, happily, they are not mine. In one situation the gentleman decided that he was ready for a sexual relationship before his girlfriend was so he just went ahead anyway. When she explained to him that she had not been ready and it wasn’t his to take his excuse was that it would have happened eventually anyway so he did nothing wrong. Really!? The couple broke up the night of that incident.

In another situation the guy was just a little too crass for the lady. Simply, he was not a gentleman while she was, in fact, a lady. She decided that she just couldn’t handle his behavior and sent a very polite note explaining that while she appreciated his attention she did not see the alliance continuing. A copy of his response was shared with me:

“Oh there are certain possibilities, but at this time you prefer to hide your true preferences. But it is ok. If you realize what you are leaving behind, then hit me up.”

Seriously, this guy has no idea how rude and boorish he is. In fact he is so blind to his own poor behavior that he’s waiting for the lady to come back to him when she should never have been with him in the first place. The idea that she’s going to realize what she’s leaving behind . . . Well, she is well aware of what she left behind and she couldn’t get away from it fast enough.

What causes some people to be so unaware of their own inappropriate behavior? Sometimes people think that they are being funny. It’s a joke! Laugh. Lighten up. Except, it’s not funny when the supposed humor is at your expense.

It’s also not funny if it hurts your feelings. A common response to this, though, is that those who lack self-awareness will claim that you’re being too sensitive.?Think about that: too sensitive. Is that even possible? It seems to me to be an oxymoron. Being too sensitive is like being too rich or too good looking. It just doesn’t exist. Being sensitive to others is a good thing and we could use more of it.

I think the main reason that people lack self-awareness is that they were simply raised that way. Yes, it goes back to our childhoods. We were teased and we survived. We were told to toughen up, and we did. So why shouldn’t the world have to toughen up?

Just because some people were not treated well growing up does not give them permission to be rude to others as adults.?I’m sorry for the people who were mistaught or mistreated. It was wrong. Meanness, rudeness, and a lack of manners should never have been tolerated. I’m not saying that we all have to act like we’re around royalty every minute. It’s nice to relax!

Relaxing, however, never includes being cruel to others. No matter how relaxed you are, you can still be thoughtful and considerate. In fact, the better you act, and the better you treat others, the better things will go for you. People want to be around nice people. Others will find you charming, because you will be.

You can start being more self-aware with a simple decision. Stop and ask yourself how others are feeling. Make conversations about others, all the time. You’ll get your turn when others make it about you, and they will.

Be slower to speak by taking time to ask yourself if your comment is really helpful or funny. If it’s not, then choose to remain silent. In time, as you listen more, you’ll hear what is pleasant and you’ll start making those comments.

Being more self-aware simply makes you a better person. You’ll like yourself more. Other people will like you more. You’ll be more interesting when you don’t make everything about yourself. And it’s so easily begun, starting now.