Label v. Activity

As humans, and within society, we create labels to help us better understand and make sense of life. A man with a knife charging at you needs to be labelled as a threat for your own preservation.

If we know someone is a professional surfer we would probably label them as being risk takers and enjoying the outdoors. So far so good, nothing dramatically wrong with this is there? Although you don't KNOW these assumptions for sure and you absolutely don't have any of the story or reasons that sit behind them.

Not everything is so clear cut or helpful though.

In #familybusinesses, I often observe people being labelled or placing labels on themselves; the younger generation labelled as 'having it easy' or 'he's got the family all round him so he can't be lonely' and labelling themselves as 'not as good as Dad and will never be accepted'.

Most labelling goes unnoticed. Most labelling happens in the unconscious. Most labelling is begins for us when we're under 6 years old but stays within us unless you choose to address it. Most labelling of a person should actually be a description of an action or behaviour.

Have you ever dropped a piece of china or broken a glass and immediately said to yourself "you idiot!" (whether verbally or in your head)? At times, have you ever used any of the following labels for yourself:

• 'selfish'
• 'ugly'
• 'a failure'
• 'useless'
• 'misfit'

Do you ever jump in with labels for others? Whether it's calling (labelling) the driver that cut you up on the road this morning as a 'lunatic' or the woman who pushed in front of you at the coffee shop as 'rude' or a crying friend as 'pathetic', 'attention seeker' or 'moaner'. You get the idea. Labelling eventually changes a person's self-concept and identity, what's more, the amount you do this to others is very often a reflection of your over judgement and how critical you are of yourself and them.

The thing is that none of these people, or you, ARE most of the labels being given.

They absolutely may behave or act in a certain way, including a negative way, but it's not necessarily WHO they are as a person. You are not an idiot for dropping something, you may have done something silly or thoughtless - who hasn't? The more you and others use labels the more we conform to them. This is particularly important when you think of the labels you use for you and your children. Labels do eventually become the reality.

I watched a superb video this morning featuring actress Mayim Bialik who discusses the difference between two labels; GIRLS v. WOMEN. Her explanation of the use of language and what it does at an unconscious level is vitally important to understand.

Ask yourself what labels are you using on yourself and others. Should you change to explain an act or behaviour instead?