The 'L' Word At Work

Lately, I’ve noticed it’s been hard for many of us to keep our cool. With so much going on, it’s hard to think about anyone but ourselves because, frankly, managing our own lives takes so much energy. Life is hard. I know. In my house alone we are dealing with my parent’s declining health, my sister's impending surgery, my partner’s mom who recently broke her hip, and my dog that got hit by a car two weeks ago… and I have no doubt that every single person I talk to and see out in the world is dealing with just as much, probably more. 

On top of all of our own personal struggles, we are still in the middle of, you guessed it, unprecedented times: there is the ongoing pandemic (and current case spikes) throughout the world; there’s the state of our politics, which isn’t serving the people, a truth no matter where one falls along the political spectrum. Our political conversations evoke defensive (and offensive) responses. There is also a pandemic of racism in our country; naturally leading to extreme racial tension. That, too, is impacting people in myriad ways—some people are fighting to survive, to simply live fully and safely, while others are struggling to admit they live within an institutionally and systemically racist country and have benefited from that along the way. 

That’s a lot. 

Part of what makes this all challenging is that the way you manage is unique; it won’t be the way your friend, colleague, or neighbor manages. Humans are hard and unpredictable that way. It’s hard to deal with people who are angry, angsty, and agitated, and who don’t manage their stress well. We could take on that energy or get angry and agitated in response, but what if we didn’t? What if we thought: they are trying; they are doing what they can in their life and at work; they are managing to the best of their ability. 

Recently, someone said to me that as we fight these emotional, taxing, and at times revolutionary battles, we have the opportunity to not just lead, but to lead with love. 

That really resonated with me. We live in such a culture of judgment. We judge ourselves and others so harshly that we have to be reminded—probably daily—to lead with love.

If I open myself to having love for you, then I can accept that your journey doesn’t look like mine. Everyone’s way of dealing with these monumental issues right now may not be my way (or your way) of dealing, but that doesn’t make it's any less of a way. With love, I can accept that we are processing differently but also that our desired path is the same: through the pandemic and to the other side of our struggling workplaces and to the other side of our conflict and divisiveness. 

I think most of us want the same things. We want to feel safe and have access to opportunities. We want to feel secure, seen, heard, and to earn a fair living. We want our children to be safe. We want to feel free. We want the "American dream"—at home and at work. And if we all want the same things, it seems to me that it would be in our best interest to lead with love.

I talk about love not from a place of faith or religion, but rather from a place of collective betterment. Having love for one another, opening ourselves up to people’s differences and everybody’s journeys, and believing we are all worthy of safety, security, opportunity, respect, and dignity will make us better people at work. And a better people period. And it will make space for other people to show up as their better selves.

In Work Like a Boss, I talk about companionate love. This kind of love isn’t the storybook rainbows-and-butterflies love, it’s based on compassion and caring for other people. Sigal Barsade, the Wharton professor and researcher who studies companionate love, has said that it is shown “when colleagues who are together day in and day out, ask and care about each other’s work and even non-work issues.” She goes on, “They are careful of each other’s feelings. They show compassion when things don’t go well. And they also show affection and caring—and that can be about bringing somebody a cup of coffee when you go get your own, or just listening when a co-worker needs to talk.” And this type of love is really good to cultivate in our workplaces because work—and life—are better when we truly care about other people. 

Work is better when we care enough to omit classism and status in our interactions. It’s better when we care enough to see other people as worthy simply because they exist. It is better when we care enough to be thoughtful with our words and feedback. It’s better when we care enough to see that someone is having a shitty day and might not show up 100% because of that. It’s better when we care enough to carry the load for other people. 

When we lead with love and when we care enough to take care of each other, we make work better. Imagine how workplaces could feel and how fewer problems we could have if we led with love. Teamwork, communication, collaboration, and conflict would all be better if we went into them with love.

I’m here to tell you that even though the ‘L’ word was sent home from work a long time ago, it could be the secret to making work better. If we showed up to work with a little more love, it might make these really difficult days a little easier.