Kristi Coulter Hit the Nail on the Head.

It’s scathing, it’s fascinating and it’s so remarkably telling of what’s happening with high-achieving women.

I’m talking about “Exit Interview: The Life and Death of My Ambitious Career”, the memoir Kristi Coulter wrote in 2023 after a dozen blistering years at Amazon.

In it, she pulls back the proverbial curtain and takes us inside the bone-crushing pressure bomb she walked into seven days a week until she became unrecognizable - even to herself.

It’s full of golden talking points I couldn’t highlight fast enough, but one thing has stayed with me more than the rest.

I pulled out an excerpt so you can hear it in her own words:

“Except for George, my direct reports are all women, and while they’re nearly as panicked as he is, instead of expressing it with hostility and sarcasm, they spend a lot of time apologizing to me for things that don’t demand it (a small typo in an email, not knowing a minor fact off the bat, the need for sleep) or matters beyond their control. One routinely breaks out in stress hives. Another is pleasant but dead behind the eyes, as though conserving her energy for a siege. The third has all but given up on acting as a manager and is personally building content all day alongside her team just to try and get on top of demand. In some ways, telling George he isn’t doing enough is easier and less emotionally taxing than trying to convince these high-achieving women they’re not about to be fired. When one of the women comes to me with a problem, just by agreeing that yes, this is something in need of fixing, I run the risk that she’ll decide everything she does is in need of fixing. I empathize, because inside I feel the same way, and I used to be just as bad at hiding it. Now, as I struggle to communicate transparently without destroying their self-critical souls, I sometimes imagine my old boss nodding and saying, “See? See what it’s like to manage someone who’s already decided she’s a failure?””

She absolutely nailed it.

She nailed the difference between men and women.

When something is wrong at work, men tend to think the project, conversation, situation or whatever else is fucked up.?

Something’s gone wonky at work.

Women, on the other hand, tend to think it’s them.?

They’ve gone wonky at work.

No wonder we’re struggling!

We walk into work and everything’s an indictment on who we are!

How can we do our best if we’re constantly self-assessing in such extremes? If everything is evidence of whether we're good or bad, wrong or right, set to be promoted or about to be fired!?

We’re losing time, energy, resources, advancement and innovation by constantly taking everything as a sign that we’re approved of or not.

If this resonates, here’s what you need to do:

1. Recalibrate your relationship with feedback Feedback is simply a way for the people around you - both professionally and personally - to show us where you can grow. They’re notes meant to serve us, not threaten or attack us. So, the next time you get some feedback, take note of the context and source, but hear it with the assumption that everyone’s on the same team and we’re all trying to get better together.
2. Expand your self-identity What you do for a living is not who you are, so if your entire sense of self is grounded in work, you’re in deep trouble. Intentionally build your relationships, interests and achievements outside of work so that you have a bigger foundation to stand on when you experience professional setbacks or hiccups. They won’t bother you as much if your world doesn’t revolve around your 9-5
3. Intentionally collect evidence If you walk around collecting every whisper, glance or perceived slight as strong evidence that you're on the out’s, you won’t make it to lunch with your confidence intact. You see what you want to see, so look for evidence that encourages you - proof that you’re doing well. You’ll find it everywhere unless you’re dead set on seeing your shortcomings.
4. Connect with other women How obvious does this sound? Super obvious, but you’d be shocked at how few of us do it. We tend to sink into isolation or stand in a vacuum when we could simply reach out and ask about other women’s experiences. When we do, not only will we feel less alone, but we’ll get the support, wisdom and camaraderie we’re really looking for.

The point is, it can’t be all or nothing, win or lose, success or failure!

We need to take a step back and reclaim our worth, not as something that’s constantly on trial, but as something that’s a given, as something that can’t be stripped away.

We walk in with it and walk out with it.

Anything less isn’t true self-worth.

If you tend to take every point of feedback like it’s a warrant or some official certificate that you suck, we need to work on that! I don’t need to convince you that it’s holding you back in a serious way.

Book a free 30-minute discovery call with me so we can work on a successful sense of self-worth from here on out.

Isn't it time to be a POWERHOUSE?

You’re an ambitious woman with a game-changing vision for the world.

You’ve never doubted that.

But your current blueprint isn’t working.?

You feel stuck in imposter syndrome, in perpetual burn-out, in old beliefs that keep you in old behaviors, in fighting tooth and nail for every promotion and position. You want to feel sought after, not invisible, confident, not passed over, in charge, not at the whim of corporate winds.?

There’s a better way.

With my program, The Powerhouse Blueprint, you will start to evolve from workhorse to powerhouse in just three months using the three cornerstones of a natural and balanced leader: presence, strategy and influence.?

Want to learn how YOU can become a powerhouse and change the trajectory of your career? Sign up for your free consultation to learn more.