Korea

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Korea

Respect, politeness and an awareness of their position in time and space as it relates to themselves and others.?One of the highest compliments I give out.

I’ve been to Korea before, but this visit was different, a new perspective arose. I found myself pleasantly touched by the level of warmth, honor and concern I witnessed between Koreans as well as towards me as a visitor. I have been fortunate to travel extensively and except for a few cultures in general, I experience treatment that most always exceeds expectations.

Over borders and beyond boundaries it is common to be greeted by citizen ambassadors excited to share the good of their country. But there is something special about the Koreans and their commitment to politeness, honor and respect. It seemingly is rooted within antiquity but today blossoms in their contemporaries, and this time I was more sensitive to it. Perhaps, I mourn for the loss of decency and tolerance in the US, where an accepted “Us vs. Them” attitude seems to dominate.

Where divisions are defined that don’t exist, enemies created out of friends and lines and borders carved that do more to antagonize then recognize. A sub-cultural narcissism is fawned that encourages each to be a cancel culture authority quick to dole out isolation and punishment at the slightest hint of being offended by a differing in thought or appearance yet without considering intent or content.?In contrast, despite clearly being an outsider na?ve to cultural etiquette while navigating Seoul it was common for a passer-by to be welcoming and offer me assistance. There was not a look of burden or bother but rather a leaning in to volunteer.?

And I do mean lean in. In fact, we were met with a bow and two hands extended toward us with a genuineness that required no linguistics. When I lost my mask, through gentle hand gestures I was politely and apologetically requested to put one on.?And when I mentioned the ear string had broken, they were quick to give me two more just in case another were to break again, a far cry from previous experiences where a lost mask results in quickly being labeled, shamed, demeaned and ordered to mask up or else. When I went to buy sunglasses, the saleswoman, softly hinted to me that the large lens Korean styles just don’t fit my small, thin face. She was right and then she graciously walked me to a competitor shop that had a better selection.?She was looking out for my best interest.

When going for Korean barbeque and inadvertently making the mistake of putting the wrong sauce into the wrong bowl the waitstaff just brought us a whole new plate and were apologetic if not over the top generous to show us the proper techniques.?At the department store after buying a shirt from the 50% off sales rack none the less, the prideful attendant broke out an iron before bagging it up.

I told her that wasn’t necessary as it was going into my suitcase, but I don’t think I have ever had a salesperson care enough to iron a shirt before folding it into a garment bag. When getting into an elevator, walking into a mall or boarding an escalator there was a sense of politeness, respect and care for a fellow human that seemed a time long gone in the US but still alive and well in Korea.?

Where does the Korean politeness stem from??My hunch is the mitigation in language, temperance in emotions and reverence in thought is an evolutionary gift bequeathed by generations of Confucius-ism and Buddhism. Two philosophy/religions favoring austerity, honor and deference that have dominated Asia for over 2 millenniums.?While both are known for their Golden Rule emphasis they also have been criticized for overvaluing hierarchal positioning, demureness to authority, age and status preferences as well as defined roles all of which at time can be stifling and or consequential. (See Malcolm Gladwell Outliers Chapter 7 on the Korean Plane crashes of 1990’s)

However, emerging Millennial generations of Koreans seem to balance the traditions of the past with the pressure of the present without losing a sense of reality.?Maybe I am being a bit hyperbolic and only saw a slice of Korea that was manicured for guests but even so, what is wrong with that? We should all treat guest so well, and regardless, I return home with a good feeling about the culture, its social graces and have something more meaningful than a souvenir to bring back and share with others.?

-Steve Dayan