BE KNOWN FOR YOUR SYMPATHY!!!!!

A sympathetic person is one who's motivated by compassion. You can imagine that most of the people who work for the Red Cross are sympathetic types. In literature and film, the sympathetic character is the one who is likable or who evokes feelings of sympathy from the audience.

Sympathy involves an attempt to understand someone's problems from a different perspective than your own. Even if this is something you struggle with, you can support your friends and loved ones by learning to express sympathy. Follow these steps to do so, keeping your doubts or negative reactions to yourself, and you may find that you develop more genuine sympathetic feelings than you expected.

How to Be Sympathetic

Being Sympathetic is to feel sympathy for someone because you understand that person's problems. : to feel or show support for or approval of something. characterized by, proceeding from, exhibiting, or feeling sympathy; sympathizing; compassionate: a sympathetic listener. 2. acting or affected by, of the nature of, or pertaining to a special affinity or mutual relationship; congenial: With their many similar tastes, he found her a most sympathetic companion.

Method -1

Expressing Sympathy

• Give the other person a chance to talk about his/her emotions. Offer to listen to him/her talk about how s/he's feeling, or how s/he's trying to cope with his/her problems. You don't need to have solutions at hand. Sometimes a sympathetic ear can be a great help on its own.
• Use body language to express sympathy. Even while listening, you can show that you are paying attention and sympathizing with your body language. Make eye contact, and nod in understanding occasionally. Keep your body turned toward the person instead of to one side. Don't try to multitask, and avoid distractions during the conversation. Turn off your phone if you can, to avoid interruption.
• Keep your body open by leaving your arms and legs uncrossed. If your hands are visible, keep them relaxed and facing slightly sideways. This will help communicate that you are engaged in listening to the other person.
• Lean toward the person. Leaning in toward the other person may make him or her feel more comfortable talking to you.
• Nod as the person is talking. Nodding and other encouraging gestures help people feel more comfortable talking.
• Mirror the other person's body language. This isn't to say that you have to directly copy everything s/he does, but keeping your body in a similar posture to his or hers (for example, facing him/her if s/he is facing you, keeping your legs pointed in the same direction as his/hers) will help create a supportive atmosphere with your body language.
• Listen first, offer comments later. In many cases, the other person needs you to listen as s/he explores his/her feelings and thoughts. This is being supportive, even if it does not feel particularly active or helping to you. Often, if you offer advice before it is asked, you risk making the other person think you are making his/her experience about you. "No-solution listening," according to author Michael Rooni, allows you to provide other people with a safe space to vent and work through their feelings. They do not feel pressure to take your advice, nor feel like you are "taking over" their problem or situation.
• If in doubt, ask: "I want to support you however you need me to. Do you want me to help you problem-solve, or do you just need a space to vent? Either way, I'm here for you."
• If you went through similar experiences, you may be able to help with practical advice or methods of coping. Frame your advice as your personal experience, not a command. For example: "I'm so sorry you broke your leg. I remember how much it sucked when I broke my ankle a few years ago. Would it be helpful if I shared what I did to cope?"
• Make sure not to come across as dictating a certain course of action. If you do have advice and the person is interested in hearing it, phrase it as a probing question, such as "Have you considered ___?" or "Do you think it would help if you _____?" These types of questions acknowledge the other person's agency in making his or her own decisions and sound less bossy than "If I were you, I'd do ______."
• Use appropriate physical contact. Physical contact can be comforting, but only if it is appropriate in the context of your relationship. If you are used to hugging the person who needs sympathy, do so. If either of you are not comfortable with that, briefly touch his/her arm or shoulder instead. Be aware that some people may feel too emotionally vulnerable or raw to enjoy a hug at that moment, even if hugging is commonly part of your interactions. Take note of the other person's body language and judge whether s/he seems open. You can also ask, "Would a hug make you feel better?"
• Offer to help out with everyday work. Someone going through a hard time in her life will likely appreciate some assistance in day-to-day tasks. Even if s/he seems to be handling these tasks well, the gesture demonstrates that you are there to help. Offer to drop off a home-cooked or restaurant take-out meal. Ask if you can help by picking the kids up from school, watering his/her garden, or assisting him/her in some other way. Mention a specific date and time in your offer, rather than asking someone when s/he's available. This gives him/her one less thing to decide or think about during a stressful time.
• Ask before offering food. Particularly in certain cultures or after funerals, the person may be overwhelmed with pies and casseroles. Something else could be more helpful.
• Refer to a shared religion. If you both belong to the same religion or share similar spiritual views, use that to bond with the person. Offer to pray for him/her or attend a religious ceremony with him/her.
• Do not reference your religious views when expressing sympathy to someone who does not share them.

Method 2

Avoiding Some Common Mistakes

• Avoid claiming to know or understand what someone is going through. Even if you went through a similar experience, realize that everyone copes in different ways. You may describe how you felt during that experience or suggest ideas that might help, but understand that the other person may be going through a different struggle. Instead, try saying something like, "I can only imagine how hard this must be for you. I know how sad I was when my own dog died."
• Most importantly, never claim that your own problems are more serious (even if you feel that way). You are here to support the other person.
• Avoid minimizing or invalidating the other person's feelings. Acknowledge that the other person's problems are real. Focus on listening to his/her problems and supporting him/her as s/he deals with them, not telling him/her that they're not worth the attention. Try not to accidentally minimize or invalidate your friend's experience. For example, if you try to comfort a friend who has lost her pet by saying, "I'm sorry you lost your dog. At least it could be worse - you could have lost a member of your family," you're actually invalidating her grief for her pet, even if you don't mean it that way. This could make her feel reluctant to share her feelings with you, or even feel ashamed of them herself.
• Another example of invalidation is the well-meaning, "Don't feel that way." For example, if your friend is struggling with body image issues after an illness and tells you that he feels unattractive, it would be unhelpful to reply: "Don't think like that! You're still attractive." This tells your friend that he is "wrong" or "bad" for having his feelings. You can validate the feelings without agreeing with the idea behind them. For example: "I hear you saying that you're feeling unattractive, and I'm so sorry that hurts you. That must really suck. If it helps, I think you're still very attractive."
• Similarly, don't say "at least it's not as bad as it could be."This can be interpreted both as a dismissal of the person's problems, and as a reminder of additional problems in the person's life.
• Avoid expressing personal beliefs that the other person does not share. S/he may not be comforted by such statements, or s/he may even be offended by such statements. They can often feel impersonal or prepackaged. It is usually best to keep your focus on the person you are interacting with and what you can do for him/her. For example, you may be a deeply religious person who believes in an afterlife, but the other person does not. It may feel natural to you to say something like, "At least your loved one is in a better place now," but the other person may not get comfort from that.
• Stay away from pressuring someone to use your solution. It's reasonable to suggest a course of action that you think might help someone, but don't stress the person out by bringing it up repeatedly. You might see it as an obvious, easy solution, but recognize that the other person might not agree.
• Once you have said your piece, let it go. You may be able to bring up the point again if new information comes up. For example, "I know you don't want to take pain medication, but I heard about a safer drug that might have fewer risks. Are you interested in the name so you can research it yourself?" If the person declines, drop it.
• Remain calm and kind. You may think the other person's problems are petty, or less serious than your own. You may even be jealous of someone whose problems seem so minor. This is not the correct time to bring this up, and you may never have a good opportunity to do so. It's better to politely say goodbye and leave the room, rather than express your irritation.
• Don't act hard or uncaring. Some people think that "tough love" is an effective therapy technique, but this is the opposite of acting sympathetic. If someone is grieving or sad for a long period of time, s/he may be depressed. In this case, s/he should talk to a doctor or therapist; trying to get him/her to "toughen up" or "move on" is not helpful.
• Don't insult the person. This may seem obvious, but during stressful times, it can be easy to lose control of your emotions. If you find yourself arguing with the person, insulting him/her, or criticizing his/her behavior, leave the room and apologize once you've calmed down.
• Do not even jokingly insult someone who needs sympathy. S/he may be feeling vulnerable and easily hurt.

Method- 3 Using Helpful Words

• Acknowledge the event or problem. Use these phrases to explain why you're approaching the person in need of sympathy, if you heard about the problem from someone else. If s/he started the conversation, respond by acknowledging the other person's feelings.
• "I'm sorry to hear that."
• "I heard you were going through tough times."
• "That sounds painful."
• Ask the person how they're coping. Some people respond to stress or grief by becoming busier. They may not take the time off to think about their emotional state. Make eye contact and use a phrase that makes it clear you're asking about his/her feelings, not day-to-day life:
• "How are you feeling?"
• "How are you coping with everything?"
• Express support. Make it clear that you are on his/her side. Mention friends and family that may also be able to support him/her, reminding him/her that s/he has other people to turn to:
• "You are in my thoughts."
• "I am here when you need me."
• "I'll be in touch later this week about helping out with _____."
• Avoid the very common... "Let me know if there's anything I can do." This actually makes the person have to think of something for you, which they may not feel capable of doing at this time.
• Let the person know that emotions are appropriate. Some people have trouble expressing emotions, or feel that they are experiencing the "wrong" emotions. Use these phrases to let them know it's okay:
• "It's okay to cry if you need to."
• "I accept whatever you need to do right now."
• "It's normal to feel guilty." (or anger, or whichever emotion the other person just expressed)

A sympathetic character is a fictional character in a story whom the writer expects the reader to identify with and care about, if not necessarily admire. Protagonists, almost by definition, fit into the category of a sympathetic character; so, however, do many supporting characters and even villains.

3 Benefits of Being Sympathetic

We [psychologists] have become interested in concepts like compassion and gratitude. Only 8 or 9 years ago, there was one study of gratitude in scientific literature. 1,000s of studies of anger, and one study of gratitude.

There is this long standing assumption that in terms of evolution, it is survival of the fittest, and it is important to know, that wasn’t Darwin who said that, but somebody who came after Darwin named Herbert Spencer. What Darwin said in Descent of Man is, ‘Sympathy is our strongest instinct.’

Sympathetic people do better in the game of reproduction. It turns out they are more attractive as mates. Sympathetic parents have kids who are more resilient, and who thrive more. Sympathetic people do better in competitive situations with strangers. Data shows kind people fair pretty well and evoke a lot of trust in others.

–Dacher Keltner, a UC Berkeley psychology professor leading research in emotion and social interaction.

See How a Cross-Race Friendship Is Good for Your Health

In a Berkeley experiment designed by psychologist Rudy Mendoza-Denton, researchers sought answers to overcome prejudice.

They put two strangers of different races together in a room. They first measured the level of the hormone Cortisol, which is elevated when a person is under stress. They are given increasingly personal questions to ask each other, to impel them to get to know each other better.

After the last meeting, in which they play a game, their Cortisol levels are tested again. The study shows that Cortisol levels dropped significantly, as low as the control group of same race pairs.

I expected those anxiety effects, and those awkwardness's that happen in those initial interactions to persist for a long time, but those barriers came down pretty quickly, and we were really happy to see that. I think one of the primary lessons to learn is that cross-race friendship can be good for your health. –Rudy Mendoza-Denton, Professor of Psychology at UC Berkeley.

Sympathy

There are two parts to sympathy: wanting it and giving it. Neither are much good to the giver or the receiver. Sympathy is becoming emotionally involved in a situation. Emotion sets us apart from our spiritual selves. It plants our consciousness firmly in the physical body so that we lose contact with our higher selves. This means that any efforts to succeed with Personal Growth or spiritual growth are halted for the time being.

Wanting to give sympathy is a desire to share the emotions that another person is feeling. It is ingratiating oneself with the person so that they will show you some consideration in the future. It is looking after your own interests rather than theirs. It is showing selfishness and self-interest.

Wanting sympathy from another person is desiring their attention when they may not want to give it. This is also self-interest. It is seeking to involve someone else in your affairs so that they may feel that they are obliged to help you in some way. It is a sneaky way to involve them in your life so that you can demand favours in the future.

What Sympathy Isn't

Sympathy isn’t compassion. Compassion is an expression of divine love. It is understanding the plight of the individual who is suffering and a willingness to do what can be done to help. Sympathy doesn’t offer help. Doing what you can to make suffering easier for a person is compassion. But a sympathetic person doesn’t really want to help. He wants to ingratiate himself and become considered as a friend. Usually, the type of friendship he wants is so he can use you for his own benefit and advantage.

Causes

Sympathy is used by people who are short on compassion, detachment, goodwill, gratitude, honesty, humility, integrity, love, nobility, responsibility, self-confidence, self-discipline, self-respect, self-sufficiency, sensitivity, and understanding.

They don’t know the difference between showing understanding and being a nuisance or a busybody. They will hang around a grieving or sick individual in an attempt to keep them company without being able to see the signs that the patient doesn’t need them and doesn’t want them around. In this sense, they are insensitive.

The sympathetic person may also believe that the grieving or suffering person can’t handle the situation themselves. It doesn’t occur to them that troublesome times are worked through much quicker when the person is allowed to find their own solutions and apply them. If someone else wants to take over, it only adds to the problems the sufferer has and prevents them from overcoming their grief or disability.

On the other side of the coin are the individuals who crave sympathy. They seem to always have something going wrong in their lives. They always have something to complain about. They are miserable most of the time and they like nothing better than to give you a rundown on all the bad things that have happened to them.

They want someone to take their problems away or help them with chores during hard times. They don’t want to accept responsibility for their own welfare mainly because they are lazy, irresponsible, and self-indulgent. They trap unsuspecting people who have an erroneous idea of what kindness is and can’t determine when someone is taking advantage of their sympathy.

People who crave sympathy have very low self-esteem and little self-respect. They play the part of the underdog and long-suffering victim of life’s ordeals. Their main objective is to raise pity and sympathy in their victims so that they can sponge some advantage or benefit out of them. These people are usually unpopular. Spiritually aware individuals give them a wide berth.

Vain people exhibit sympathy because they feel it is expected of them. They go through the motions but embarrass themselves because they know their heart isn’t in it. Greedy people have the same awkward feelings. They would rather give money and gifts rather than compassion or a helping hand. Members of both these groups come away with a feeling of accomplishment but it doesn’t soothe their conscience because their actions are motivated by duty and the expectations of other people. They are uncomfortable and are glad when it is over.

Problems Caused by Sympathy

Those who give sympathy are oblivious to the differences between it and compassion. They create problems in their own lives because they feel dependant on those to whom they give sympathy. Their own lives are probably devoid of any real love, happiness, fulfillment, contentment, or satisfaction. They would also lack self-confidence, self-respect, and self-love because they are endeavoring to gain these from the approval of other people through the sympathy that they display. But they are working against themselves by using fake emotions and feelings.

Being too sympathetic can affect decisions that are made when assistance is given to people in need. Some people, referred to above, are too lazy to take care of themselves and find ways of supporting themselves. When they find a reliable source of handouts and welfare, they cease trying to pay their way in society and live off the generosity of governments and welfare agencies. The main disadvantage of this is that they have no chance of gaining an Almost Perfect Life. However, it is very likely that they would find Personal Growth far too difficult anyway.

Sympathy on a grand scale often robs people of the ability to care for themselves. Large scale charities can bring food, clothing, and shelter to poor areas of the world so that the recipients forget how they supported themselves before they were given help. Sooner or later, the assistance dries up and the people are worse off than they were before the help was offered. In these situations, the people in need could be shown how to use the resources they have to support themselves so that, when their benefactors leave, they have the capability to survive without outside help.

Some of the people mentioned above want to help people in need but they do it out of pity rather than compassion. Although their hearts are in the right place, they are confused in their own minds about how to give help. Most are guided by religious motives because they have been told charity is next to godliness. But charity is also mistaken for sympathy. They feel they are giving service if they help in some way. It massages their self-esteem and lifts their self-respect. Their real motive is cementing a place in heaven although they are baffled and perplexed by what this means.

Sympathy adds to the discomfort and misery of a distressing situation because it usually reminds the individual about what is causing his distress and/or grief. Being emotionally involved with another person doesn’t help him recover and get back to a normal life. It prolongs the healing and recovery process.

Giving sympathy to someone who has caused their own problems doesn’t help them either. Compassion and kindness may assist. But the individual must be made aware that he has to accept the consequences of his actions and make the necessary reparations.

Overcoming the Need to Give Sympathy

In our quest for an Almost Perfect Life, we have to learn the difference between sympathy and compassion. We must be able to tell the difference between people who want sympathy and those who need compassion. We must be able to give unconditional love when people need to know that other people care what happens to them and to offer assistance to those who are unable to handle the normal daily activities because of grief, adversity, or illness. We must be able to do these things without becoming a nuisance or interfering with the process they must go through to recover.

If we are concerned that our reactions to the distress of our friends and loved ones are based on sympathy rather than compassion, we need to examine our motives for our actions when we are with them. Are we showing unconditional love or do the feelings we show only express emotion which we may not even feel? Is our attention on joining in the wretchedness and woe of the occasion or are we endeavouring to find ways to ease the burden of grief or suffering by taking care of everyday chores and responsibilities that must be attended to?

Whether sympathy or compassion is shown depends on the individual’s state of consciousness. It is the difference between a willingness to give love and a desire to ingratiate oneself with other people to gain some advantage or benefit in the future. If the latter of these objectives is the case, then we need to raise our level of consciousness so that we think of the welfare and well-being of others before we consider our own needs and desires.

Changes of consciousness are difficult without a serious desire to find out the real meaning and purpose of life. They go together. When we are convinced that the explanations that we have accepted in the past about why we are here in this life are not true, and we are ready to find explanations which satisfy our longing for a more convincing version of truth, we will be ready for higher levels of love, compassion, gratitude, wisdom, and understanding.

As we learn what life is really all about, our attitudes to ourselves and other people change and we become aware of the differences between giving unconditional love and giving sympathy while expecting something in return.