Knowing Your True-self - Lessons from Life

Sometimes, phases come in life when we face most difficult periods of life, and in the process learn about our true-self.

About 32 years ago life threw one of the biggest challenges in my career when I had to fight with a well-established educational system and in the process learned about my true-self.?I also learned about the Destiny, Will-power, Power of Universe and What's Not.

I also learned that if one has strong desire and belief, the Almighty/universe will put the opportunity in front of that person. I also learned that ‘????? ????? ?? ??? ?? ??? ??? ??, ??? ??? ?????? ???? ?? ??? ???? ??' (times come in life when even the shadow goes away from one self); you are left all alone: either to fight or perish.?

I was quite young (hardly 22-23 years), studying Master’s Degree course in Agriculture at Banaras Hindu University (BHU), India (1988-90). My classmates had different dreams: some wanted to become Management Guru, some wanted to join government jobs, some wanted to become bankers and some to become scientists. I had a different dream. I was quite fascinated about teaching job. I wanted to go abroad for higher study and get into teaching job.??

I come from a medium class family: my father was an advocate and private practitioner in Patna, Bihar. My mother used to run a school for poor children: mostly as a charity for children of rickshaw pullers and daily wage workers. My father also had a strong orientation for social cause and he used to charge nominal fee from needy people (rural farmers, artisans, petty businessperson and vendors), sometimes in kind when we used to get curd and ghee or fruits as my father’s fee. I never saw my parents making any issue about it. They were happy with their life, enjoying & helping others.?

When my parents learned about my dream of going abroad, my mother came to me one night and told me that they can’t afford to buy tickets for my going abroad, leave aside paying for fees and stay. I don’t know where it came from, but I told my mother that when I will have to go everything will be arranged, even flight tickets from my home to the place of my study. I had never boarded the flight before, and probably nobody had gone abroad from my college for higher study by that time (that time agriculture students had many avenues for getting into the employment).

I was preparing well for my study abroad: scored very high in Graduate Record Examination (GRE) and Test of English as a Foreign Language (TOEFL), maintained top rank in M.Sc. course - trying my best to get Gold medal by securing top position. But the destiny had planned something else for me.

In BHU, we had semester system and for Master’s Degree course we had to pass four semesters. I was leading in first three semesters. By the end of 3rd semester I was ahead by more than 20 marks to the second rank student. Some strange events started happening in last semester. In one subject I was the only student to solve a mathematical question and getting full 10 marks, however the teacher decided to give all others 10 marks as grace (including second topper). I talked to the teacher, but he said that as the question was difficult he decided to give full grace marks to everybody, since I solved it I do not qualify for grace marks. Anyway, the margin was greatly reduced after this event.

I had applied to different universities worldwide. Based on my GRE and TOELF score I got admissions in almost all universities I applied, including University of Wales, University of British Columbia, and University in Sydney. First two universities offered scholarships to cover my tuition fees, but I needed full fellowship to cover my other expenses (travel, lodging and boarding). I informed them about my position in M.Sc. course, and also about possibility of getting the Gold Medal. I thought that Gold Medal would improve my prospects for getting the full scholarship abroad.

Back in the BHU I was trying my best to remain at top. My M.Sc. thesis got published in ‘Indian Journal of Agricultural Marketing’ in May, 1990 and I was invited to present my paper at national conference in Pune. This was before my M.Sc. thesis was formally approved by the university. In BHU there was a provision for Research Scholar to get financial support to attend conferences and present their papers. When I applied I was told that it was meant for Ph.D. students and not for M.Sc. students. Anyway, upon learning, the Indian Society of Agricultural Marketing arranged my train tickets and provided free lodging and boarding at Pune. My presentation was highly appreciated at the conference. This publication increased my possibility of getting full scholarship abroad.

In the M.Sc. exam we had internal (40 marks each) and external (60 marks each) papers. When the results of all external and internal (except one) papers were out I was leading the class by 8 marks.?The result of one internal paper was kept on hold without any apparent reason. When the result of this paper was declared I was shocked; the second rank student was given 9 marks more than me in that paper, and he was declared topper in the class as he led me by 1 mark in M.Sc. course.

The reasons could be many on why the Professors and Administration did that and I do not want to delve upon those, but my dream was shattered in front of me for reasons beyond my control. Whole night I kept crying, not knowing what to do.

The universities in abroad were waiting for my result, when I forwarded the result I got the negative response for my full fellowship. University of British Columbia suggested me to come down to Vancouver, Canada and once I am there they could offer part time teaching/non-teaching job so as I could cover some of my costs. However, I could not find any guarantor to get my visa.

I decided to stay back at BHU to fight my case. There was India level competition for admission into Ph.D. course. Though I was very disturbed and my classmates had assumed that I couldn’t compete, I appeared and stood first. There was a provision at BHU for two UGC NET fellowships for the first two toppers in Ph.D. course. Though, I had qualified but for some strange reasons I did not get. Anyway, I was able to get BHU fellowship which provided nominal subsistence allowance.

During the course of time I came across one very strange finding. In M.Sc. we had to study major and minor courses, the minor course depend on students’ interest. I learned that the student, who was declared topper, was given marks in a minor course which did not exist. The syllabus was revised in 1988 and that course was removed from M.Sc. list. Apparently, all the efforts were made to declare that student topper (or may be not to make me topper).

I submitted application to Director of Institute of Agricultural Sciences in which I mentioned about his marks in false subjects as well as requested for re-examination of copy of the internal paper (which marks was declared last). When I did not get any response after repeated reminders and personal visits I approached Vice Chancellor (VC) of the BHU, but he also did not pay any heed. The time passed on, and VC was changed during end of 1990. The convocation was declared in February, 1991. I was hoping that before the convocation my case will be settled and I will get justice.

There were two particular incidences during that period which I would like to mention.

1. When I submitted the petition to VC, many rumors were floated against me including that I am doing it for political gain or a group of teachers are behind this and they are using me. During my follow-ups I met many senior university officials. During one such follow-up I met Dean of the Student to enquire the status of my application. He started telling all bad words about me, and asked me why I am supporting Jitendra Sinha (he had never met me before). When I told him that I am the person concerned, he shivered. That was the first time in life I saw somebody shivering by hearing a person’s name. His voice and tone suddenly changed, and he became very polite. By that time I was declared as a devil by university officials, many of whom never met me or saw me.
2. Another thing I learned that when one fights against a system though the whole system may become against him/her, yet some people in the system support: indirectly or in hidden way. It was one of the evenings of February, 1991 (probably 5th/6th February, 1991) I was playing to defend my badminton championship when one of my friends came to the badminton court and informed that VC has taken decision against me. He was informed by one of the officials/insiders at VC’s office. I felt dejected and left my championship midway at that point itself. The convocation was after a couple of days, and VC has disposed off the petition cleverly just before that. I learned that in the meeting at VC office it was also decided that I will not be officially informed till the day of convocation (probably fearing that I may take some other course of action). However, the matter was leaked the same evening.

The students gathered and prompted me to fight my case in the Court. Being a Central University the case had to be filed at High Court - the nearest one was in Allahabad (120 kms away). The hostel inmates collected the contribution and explored a good advocate ‘Mr. R.N. Singh’ at Allahabad High Court. By the time, these were done it was already 9.00 pm. I had only one day to file the case and get stay order on the convocation. The hostel inmates, fearing that I may not stay in sound mind, asked one friend, who is now senior bank official to accompany me.

That particular night was the most memorable night of my life as that night I learned that how the universe/destiny can put all the obstacles in one’s way when that person is trying to fight against all odds.

As I had to file a case in High Court and as my father was an advocate I needed his support badly but he was in Patna (around 250 kms from my place), unaware of what’s happening. We did not have mobile phones in 1990-91. I tried making long distance calls to him through STD (Standard Trunk Dialing). Despite my several efforts all calls were rejected and I could not contact him. I was hoping that once I talk to him he would join me in Allahabad next day morning. It was my bad luck that I did not get support from my father when I needed most.

I and my friend started our journey to Allahabad. We reached Varanasi Bust stand around 11.00 pm but the next bus was in the morning around 6.00 am. Then, we went to Varanasi Railway station, and learned that next train was at 4.00 am. My friend suggested going to Mughalsarai, as being on the main line there was higher possibility of getting a night train.?

Mughalsarai is around 25-30 kms from Varanasi. We hired an auto and went there. By the time we reached, it was 1.00 O’Clock at night. At railway enquiry we got information that one train ‘Toofan Mail’ is coming to the station which goes to Allahabad. We bought the tickets and moved towards the platform. When we reached the over-bridge we saw the train coming. Out of blue I told my friend that “as this train is long distance train there could be big crowd. Also it is now 2.00 am, so why don’t we go back to Varanasi railway station and take 4.00 am train to Allahabad. The train starts from Varanasi therefore we will get the seats and reach Allahabad comfortably by 7.00 am, thereby will have plenty of time to contact the Advocate and file the case before the Court starts”. He agreed with me. We returned back from the Railway over-bridge, got the auto back to Varanasi railway station. Had I stayed back there, the scenario could possibly be different.

I still dream the train coming and my returning from that foot over-bridge. I can’t say what prompted me, but I did not catch the train when I could.

We came back to Varanasi Railway station, bought the tickets and went to the platform. We checked with the passengers that whether the train was going to Allahabad. Upon confirmation, we selected upper birth and went to sleep. We probably got up around 10.00-11.00 am when the train was stopped at one station. We learned that the train had hardly travelled 40-50 kms from Varanasi. The passengers told us that it was a passenger train and we should have taken the express train (we had tickets for express train) which was standing on the next platform at Varanasi. My friend regretted and wondered how his mind did not work when he was supposed to be alert knowing very well that I was not in my mind.

Anyway, we reached Allahabad that afternoon when the Court timing was already over. We met with a very senior and well-known advocate in Allahabad at that time who told us that though we cannot get stay order, but we can file the case. He and his assistant drafted the petition, and filed the case next day. Meanwhile, I and my friend returned back to BHU. The next day was convocation, and the VC and Director of the Institute had invited King of Banaras as Chief Guest. My father had also learned about the incidence and came to BHU. Meanwhile, students had learned about my case, and they boycotted the convocation. My Head of Department told my father that I was fearless and fought with such a strong system like a lion.?

The case was filed in Allahabad High Court. As the university had not disposed off my case officially, the High Court directed the university to consider my argument and settle the case amicably. On the order of the High Court the VC and his officials conducted meeting with me during later week of February, 1991. In the meeting I was threatened to withdraw the case, otherwise I won’t get my Ph.D. even if I stay in BHU for 10-20 years. I did not expect such behavior and was shocked. Somehow, I mustered the courage and told in the meeting itself that I am ready to withdraw from Ph.D. but won’t withdraw the case.

The legal team from BHU reported to the High Court that university accepts its mistake of allotting the marks to the student in a course not meant for M.Sc. student, however it cannot revert as it will ruin the career of the second student.

In 1988, the said course was removed from M.Sc. course list, but was continued to be taught to undergraduate students. I filed a counter-affidavit that why should I suffer for University's mistake, and how the University will compensate for my loss.

My case continued in the Allahabad High Court as I challenged university’s decision. I also started appearing for different competitive examinations; though it was already late in February when most of the competitive exams were over. I qualified for BHU Management course, XISS Rural Development Course at Ranchi, and Development Planning course at Pune. I preferred Pune as I was there one year before to present my thesis in national conference and liked the place. Moreover, I had developed interest in Rural Development field due to my association in social organizations during my college days at BHU. Since Maharashtra was den of NGO movement it was my obvious choice. I had also started disliking teaching profession after my experience at BHU. Finally, I submitted my resignation from Ph.D. in June, 1991 and moved to Pune.

After completion of my course at Pune I returned back to Bihar and started working with NGOs at grass-root level, staying mainly in the remote villages in Churchu block of Hazaribagh district, known as one of the most extremist prone regions.

Another big change came in 1995, after five years when one of my contacts informed me about a fellowship for studying Rural Development in Ireland. Out of curiosity I applied, and was called for interview at Delhi in April, 1995. There was only one fellowship available for Rural Development course, and many people with outstanding record had come for the interview. Anyway, I appeared for the interview, came back and resumed my work in those remote areas. When no news came for 2-3 months, I assumed that I was not selected. My place of work & stay was far away from the nearest town and only one passenger jeep used to go in morning and come back in evening. On 13th September, 1995 evening when the jeep came back to village, the driver handed me a chit in which it was mentioned that my father had called to NGO office in Hazaribagh and wanted to talk to me.

Next morning, I went to Hazaribagh and called my father. He said that an envelope had come with my admission letter and flight tickets to Dublin. He asked me to immediately come down to Patna. It was a letter from Irish government informing me about my admission in Rural Development course at University College Dublin with full fellowship and flight tickets from Patna to Delhi and Delhi to Dublin for 27th September. The Master’s Degree course was supposed to start from 1st October, 1995.?The next two weeks were very hectic when I had to clear all the papers (medical, police verifications, etc.), get the visa and take the flight. It was like a fast forward film and I did not know when I reached Dublin.

What I had told to my mother five years back in 1990 came true, and the universe had delivered opportunity as I had visualized, though my dream was transformed and I did not vie for going for Ph.D. and into teaching job.

After completion of course I came back to India and resumed my work in rural development field, though teaching is still my passion.

I followed my case at Allahabad High Court for one year but not afterwards, many people asked me why. Many things had changed in one year. The VC had to leave within six months. The professor who had allotted marks to that student in wrong subject died in road accident, and the professor who gave 9 marks more to 2nd student, suffered from a mysterious brain disease and passed away. I learned that he was not able to recognize anybody during his last days. I can’t relate these things together, but I stopped following up my case. May be the eternal justice was done.

Jitendra Sinha

PS: Original article was published in 2014 at blogspot Lessons from Life https://lflindia.blogspot.com/2014/06/normal-0-false-false-false-en-in-x-none.html?m=1