Knowing When to Argue

As I read Ranveer Allahbadia 's post on LinkedIn, it made me think deeply about other perspectives surrounding this thought—perhaps because of my recent encounter with a chain of arguments. His message on the importance of connection over the need to be right truly resonated, but my own experiences have shown me that while connection is vital, there are moments when arguing becomes necessary. These moments aren’t driven by ego, but by something deeper—whether it’s defending values, setting boundaries, or seeking growth. This led me to explore when and why we might choose to argue, even as we strive to maintain meaningful relationships.

Ranveer Allahbadia ’s post on LinkedIn strikes a chord with anyone who has ever been caught up in the endless cycle of arguments and the need to be right. His message is simple yet profound: relationships matter more than being right. His words gently remind us that the arguments we fight so hard to win will fade away, but the feelings and connections we create with others remain.

However, as I reflect on his message, I believe there’s another layer to consider. While it’s true that relationships and connection should always be at the forefront of our minds, there are moments when standing your ground is essential. Sometimes, we must argue, not out of ego or pride, but out of a deeper need to uphold our values, protect our boundaries, or seek justice.

Here's a perspective on when it's okay to argue, while still holding on to the essence of Allahbadia’s message:

1. Argue When Your Values Are at Stake

It’s one thing to argue over who left the dishes out or whose idea is better for the weekend plans, but it’s another thing entirely when the conversation touches on core values. There will be times in life when we must speak up—when silence would mean going against our principles or supporting something we know is wrong. In these moments, it’s not about ego, but about integrity. Standing up for what’s right, especially in situations involving injustice or harm, requires courage, and sometimes, arguments are part of that fight.

Key Insight: Argue when it matters to your conscience. But even then, do it respectfully, ensuring that you’re defending principles, not attacking people.

2. Argue When It’s About Setting Boundaries

Healthy relationships aren’t just about love and connection; they’re also about boundaries. If you’re in a situation where someone repeatedly oversteps those boundaries, it’s important to have those tough conversations, even if they turn into disagreements. Boundaries protect both sides in a relationship, creating mutual respect. The key is to ensure that the argument remains constructive rather than destructive.

Key Insight: Setting boundaries isn’t about winning—it’s about ensuring mutual respect and protecting your emotional well-being.

3. Argue When It Leads to Growth

There are times when disagreements are the gateway to personal or collective growth. Challenging someone’s ideas or being challenged in return helps us think critically, opens our minds to new perspectives, and deepens our understanding of complex issues. Constructive arguments can push us to reconsider old patterns, break free from limiting beliefs, and open up opportunities for learning.

Key Insight: Engage in arguments that encourage growth, not to prove superiority but to explore new dimensions of thought and possibility.

4. Argue to Strengthen, Not Weaken, Relationships

Arguments, when handled with care, can actually strengthen relationships. They provide opportunities to clear misunderstandings, express hidden frustrations, and come to a deeper understanding of each other’s needs. The way we argue is important—are we arguing to wound, or are we arguing to heal? If the intent is to hurt or to belittle, then the argument becomes destructive. But if the intent is to understand and bridge gaps, then arguments can be powerful tools for connection.

Key Insight: When you find yourself in a disagreement, ask yourself, “Am I trying to win, or am I trying to connect?”

Honestly, Ranveer’s post beautifully captures the essence of what truly matters in life—the people we love, the connections we foster, and the kindness we leave behind. But life is filled with moments when we need to speak up, stand our ground, and sometimes, yes, argue. The key is finding the balance. We should choose our battles wisely, remembering that while being right may feel good in the moment, what lasts is the way we make others feel.

In the end, it’s not about avoiding every argument, but about choosing the ones that matter. The ones where speaking up strengthens relationships, protects our values, or leads to mutual growth. And even in those moments, we must argue with kindness, respect, and a genuine desire to connect, not to dominate.

So, yes, give your loved ones a call. Reach out with love. But when the need arises to argue, do so with intention, with the goal of deepening the bond, not breaking it. Because as long after the arguments fade, what remains is the love, the kindness, and the connection we’ve built.