Knowing what conversation you are having changes everything. ????

You can change the world through conversation. ???

Imagine this: You come home from a long, horrible day. You're emotional and drained. You vent to your partner, "...and to top it off, the person on the train next to me was manspreading the whole time while on his phone. I basically had to curl up in the corner." ??

Your partner says, "Next time you should say something, like, 'Hey Ostrich legs, move the F away from me!'"

Now you're even angrier because you didn't feel heard. Your partner was offering a solution! You didn't want a solution. You know the solutions. You just wanted to feel heard. You snap back. Now your partner is angry because they were trying to help, and you are not acknowledging their advice! ??

No one is wrong in this situation. It's simply that both of you were having two different types of conversations. When we have different types of conversations, tempers can rise, listening is forgotten, and misunderstandings run amok – like a flock of ostriches. ????

There are three types of conversations we can have:

1. Emotional ???
2. Social ??
3. Practical ???

Too many times, and dare I say, nearly all the time, those of us in climate discussions are having practical conversations when the other person could very well be having a different type of conversation.

Let's take three scenarios we are all familiar with and give examples of how to respond. Sometimes it's obvious. Many times it isn't. If you are unsure, it's okay to ask. ?

1. "If you shut down the oilsands, my partner loses his job." Emotional. Don't offer anything but a listening ear. Say things like, "That sounds tough. I can tell you're worried about this. It sounds like there is some anxiety, perhaps some anger." Notice their feelings and state it, "You're losing that certainty of income because someone a long way away is making a decision that affects your standard of living and that makes you a bit angry, am I right?" ??This builds trust. This creates connection. When you allow them to feel heard, they are inclined to hear you as well. For more on this I invite you to listen to Simon Sinek interview Deeyah Khan
2. "I could never give up cheese." Social. Make this casual. Ask curious questions, "Boy, you must really like cheese? Have you always been this passionate?" Make a joke, keep it light, and share your story. Don't share about the evils of cheesemaking. Share about your personal journey. Tell them you sometimes are tempted, or even cheat occasionally. This is a chance to share social stories, even if they are different. This person is not asking to be converted but to have a conversation. ?????
3. "What I do doesn't make a difference, so I'm not even sure if it's worth it." Practical. Here you can FINALLY offer advice, support, and suggestions. Let them know that what they do is influential to those around them and that individuals can change communities which can change cities, which can change the world. This is where the knowledge of your expertise comes with power! In any other type of conversation, the knowledge of your expertise comes with dismissiveness or arrogance, and that will have the opposite effect of your goal, which is to influence change. ????

In all these types of conversations, be curious, ask questions, and be kind. Listen with the intent to understand, not to respond. Show that you care, even if you disagree. This is how conversation can change the world. ?????