Knowing Me, Knowing You to Avoid Conflict

Conflict is neither good nor bad—it just is. The word conflict is derived from the Latin word "conflictus" (the act of striking together) and is defined as:

a: competitive or opposing action of incompatibles: antagonistic state or action (as of divergent ideas, interests, or persons)

b: mental struggle resulting from incompatible or opposing needs, drives, wishes, or external or internal demands

One of the keys to ensuring communication exchanges don’t develop into conflict is to know how to manage intensified behaviors caused by unmanaged human differences, money attitudes, pressure and emotions that derail performance and can lead to conflict.

We are all different. We are all responsive to certain pressure points. Unless we know and understand our pressure points, others can (often innocently) press these pressure buttons and cause conflict to begin.

When Faced with Difficult Exchange

Stay Grounded - No matter how you define conflict, the reality is that it's a part of life. What is important is that you recognize and deal with it appropriately. You can either let conflict or the potential for conflict drag you down or you can use it to lift you to new levels of performance. Understanding what conflict is and why it exists helps shape your response.

Look for warning signs - Conflict generally results from poor communications, disruptions in routines, unclear goals or expectations, the quest for power, ego massage, differences in value systems, or hidden agendas.

Stay in control - It finds its expression in rude, discourteous and sometimes hostile behavior; selfishness; strident and defensive language; lack of respect; and increased stress.

So now that you see what it looks like, what do you do with it when it occurs? Following are some guidelines that will help you deal with conflict:

Keep a positive outlook - If you expect good things to happen, they will. Conversely, if you expect bad things to happen, you won't be disappointed. Your attitude will govern your response. Make a distinction between the problem and the person. Formulate the conflict issues as shared problems that you have to solve cooperatively. Abstain from blaming and voicing negative opinions about others. State clearly what you feel and want and invite your counterpart to help in finding solutions. Opinions and emotions should be expressed in ways that facilitate the process of achieving satisfying outcomes. Keep in mind that there is always some kind of positive intention behind people’s actions, even if unskillfully expressed.

Establish ground rules - When conflict happens, set goals for how to resolve it. What would happen if we don't fix this? What would a successful resolution look like? Look for common ground.

Keep focused on a positive, solution-based outcome. Perhaps the only thing you can agree on is to agree to disagree but do it in an agreeable manner.

Drill down to the roots - Try to find the cause of the disease instead of just treating the symptoms. What is causing the conflict and why are you reacting the way you are? Everyone involved in the conflict needs to agree on a definition of the problem before the problem can be tackled. This could mean describing the problem in terms of each person's needs. There's an old saying that a problem well defined is already half solved.

Think win-win - In conflict, one party does not have to win and the other lose. Sometimes disagreement will lead to a more effective solution. Sometimes a good decision is reached when the only way to find a solution that benefits all sides is to learn more about each other.

Eliminate emotions - Separate your feelings from the problem. When your emotions get mixed up in the conflict, the outcome is in doubt. Emotions color your perceptions and your logic and cloud the rational thinking that is essential to arriving at a solution.

Brainstorm - There might be a variety of solutions if everyone is focused on a positive outcome and engaged in the process. Challenge yourself and others to be creative about the possibilities available to you.

Concentrate on what you can control - What should you take ownership of and fix? What falls under your sphere of influence? What impact will you have on the desired outcome? Learn to focus your attention and activities, where you can make a difference. Don't get caught up in areas beyond your control. Remember that if, as a manager, you are faced with a situation that is of gross misconduct you need to engage Human Resources (HR) into the situation sooner rather than later. In such cases HR will be able to advise what action can and should be taken to record the issues.

Take action. Once you've arrived at a win-win solution, accept it and implement it. Don't second-guess. Make sure each person takes responsibility for agreeing with the decision.

In Summary - Tips for Dealing with Conflict

?  Conflict is natural and can be healthy. 

?  Unresolved conflict is not healthy. 

?  Joint solving involves open communication. 

?  Focus on the situation and not the person. 

?  People need to a part of finding the solutions or they won't get implemented. 

?  People get upset when their expectations are not fulfilled.  

?  People get upset when they hold back on what they want to say. Encourage open debate.

?  People get upset when someone or something is standing in their way. 

?  What you resist persists - communication is key. 

?  No one person is totally right or wrong. Look for the common ground. 

Remember - Conflict is constructive when it:

?  Results in clarification of important problems and issues

?  Results in solutions to problems

?  Involves people in resolving issues important to them

?  Causes authentic communication

?  Helps release emotion, anxiety, and stress

?  Builds cooperation among people through learning more about each other;

?  Helps individuals develop understanding and skills

My DNA Style:

I am a Facilitator, what’s your style? Don’t know why some people ‘wind you up’ head over to https://www.businessdna.com/ and complete a discovery – it’s FREE. Read the outcomes as I did mine and use the insight to help you avoid conflict.

Be safe, stay healthy and remember social distancing.