Knowing how to Lose is more important than knowing how to win.

How do you lose? How does your team lose? How does your company lose?

Yesterday I lost. Period.

The client was a young manager at a big dutch bank a former professional hockey-player. Nice, to the point, didn't waste words. I kinda liked him. He called me up:'I really liked your experience and ideas on how to teach and discuss current HR trends with my team. Your offer looked really good. However I've decided to not go forward with you. I chose another party.'

No matter the compliments, any sales person knows that feeling of rejection. Specifically when you were convinced that you were going to close this one. Everything seemed perfect. A good match, a good feeling with the client, good conversations. Everything felt right and then out of the blue: 'BAM, like punch in the gut...'

He gave me details on what I did well, for which I was grateful for, it's good to know what you do well. However he had decided I came in second place. In sales there is no second place. second place or hundredth place, it really doesn't matter. 

No win = No Deal = No Work = No Revenue = No Profit. Coming second = Losing. Period.

However even a loss can at least generate value, but it all depends on how you lose. 

Recently I read 'What I learned losing a Million Dollars' by Brendan Moynihan and Jim Paul. At first glance it might seem a book about trading, but there is a lot of valuable lessons in this book to be learned, mainly about losing and how to lose like a champion.

In the coming weeks I'd like to share a few with you that I experienced myself and hopefully this will provide you with some value as it did me.

Two Types of Losers

Before we go into the most common mistake lets take a look a the most common responses to a lost deal. There seem to be two types of 'losers'.

• 1. The classical Salesman who thinks that: Sales start at 'No'!

These people just pretend they weren't refused and continue to cross examine a client on his decision making process. His considerations, whether he did or did not fully understand 'the value of our offer.' They might even start throwing with discounts (if they are really bad). All in all they disrespect the client's decision more often than not and leave a sour taste in the mouth of the client. Even if they manage to still win the deal, they most often destroy any real chance at a fruitful long-term relationship with a client.

Most often, the Classical Salesman will just blame the customer for 'not understanding our offer' or something alike and just dismiss it without learning form it.

• 2. The unprepared Professional. who didn't even consider it.

These people are taken completely off-guard by the 'No' and as a result simply have no response. Generally speaking they'll answer something like. 'Ah, oh.. well that's disappointing of course. Thank you for your consideration.' End of conversation. As a result of their lack of preparation for either outcome (winning or losing) they have no counter and are taken off balance by the loss.

The Unprepared Professional will most often be disappointed and even discouraged afterward. Doubting his own ability to 'sell' deciding he 'hates selling'. Making it that much harder for him to be successful next time.

The Winner.

There is a third type of 'Loser'. This is the professional that didn't win the deal, but he manages to still pull value out of the loss.

• 3. The Prepared Professional who knows how to lose.

When confronted with a 'No' these professionals will gracefully accept their loss, but they won't just give up and leave. They will say things like:

'Of course I'm happy that you found a match, but it's a shame it's not me *wink*. Can you tell me more about what made you decide on my competitor? What did they do so well? What need did they fill? What problem did they solve that I did not? What could I have done better? Which part of my offer did you like the best? Which the least? If you had been in my place what would you have changed? What are your recommendations for a future offer if you would be in my shoes? How could I possibly be valuable to you in the future?

Finally they'll finish with something like. 'Thank you so much for these valuable insights. Would it be ok for us to stay in touch? If you are willing I'd love to hear about how things went. Please feel free to let me know in the future if there is anything I might be of service with. I'll call you again in a month for a quick checkup.'

'The Winner' is the loser that does everything he can to learn from the experience. So that he will be able to improve himself and his services. The Winner knows that he should not take the loss personal, but that analyzing the loss is the only way to reduce losses in the future. Analyze, Learn and Improve.

Deurje dicht, Deurtje open

It's the words my friend Sytze always gives me whenever I lose. It means:"One door closes, another opens."

He must have told me about a new 'business idea' at least 100 times over the years. Very often I'd not hear about it anymore after that. Other times I'd learn he'd tried to make it work but it failed, but he never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever gave up.

He kept on trying and with each failure he'd learn more and more and more and more, because if anything Sytze has mastered the Art of Losing and Learning from it. Now he runs a successful business (Dutch Standard Events) in Event Management and even won a price this year with Dept Festival (Dept being their client).

The lesson I learned from him and it's one that, in all fairness, I still struggle with is that you should never internalize a loss. Do not take it personal. Learn to be objective, detached. It is so easy to make everything in sales and business a personal matter, but when you do emotions start to cloud your judgement and your ability to see the situation for what it is.

Yes, perhaps you made mistakes and failed, but taking them personal will not fix that. Taking it in objectively. Learn from your mistakes, that is what will make you grow. Ask questions! Ask everyone around you, what do you think I'm doing well? What do you think I should do better? Ask your clients!

Won a deal? Ask them 'Why?' 'Why me?'

Lost a deal? Ask them 'Why? 'Why not me?'

Don't be afraid to dig. You will be surprised at how often clients appreciate your efforts to find out what you could have done better. It opens the door to a fruitful conversation and the base for a long-term relationship based on understanding.

When you've thoroughly understood your loss(or win). Move on with the lessons learned.

One door closes and another will open.

What do you think?

Of course all of this is my perspective on things. I do not think or claim to hold the truth, so I'd love to hear your opinions and experiences! If you read this and things pop to mind, please share them, leave a comment! So we can all learn from each other!