Knowing This Could Ease your Impostor Syndrome

Much has been spoken about impostor syndrome over the last few years. For those unfamiliar, it's a state when you feel like an impostor - as though you don't deserve your success. You feel fake, like the person who's made it in life by fluke! Something in you tells you that if you could do it, anyone could have done it. Celebrities such as Lady Gaga, Michelle Obama, Serena Williams have admitted to feeling this way at points in life. Even Albert Einstein believed his esteem was exaggerated.

I do several talks and coaching sessions on the topic, and people often admit to me they, 'suffer from impostor syndrome.'

I have to be honest that it pains me when concepts such as these, which are great for self-awareness, are seen as binary points, as though you either have it or you don't, leaving many feeling that they have a problem, or worse, that they ARE a problem. Considering we often attach the word suffer to it, it has an illness like vibe. It's semantics, yet words make or break self-belief.

So, in this piece, I've shared my perspective on this, in the hope that you don't just read a few traits and convince yourself that you're suffering, all on your own. Also, before we go further, I'm available to do talks on this and other similar topics, so please drop me a note if it's something you'd like to discuss.

Back to the matter, here are three explanations to help reframe your thinking.

1. If This is Suffering, Most Have Suffered.

To some degree, we've all felt like impostors at some point or the other.

Let's be honest, reading symptoms such as, 'feeling like you don't deserve this,' or that 'you're somewhat fake,' is generic and some of it's bound to resonate. At some point in your life, in some arena, you're likely to have felt this way, even for short periods.

For example, a wife with an incredible husband may feel, 'I don't deserve such a good husband.' Or perhaps if you've achieved too much success too soon, and your siblings are far behind in their careers, you might feel, 'I don't deserve this, my brothers and sisters are a lot smarter than me!' or perhaps you're a parent and everyone says how good a parent you are, and there's you thinking, 'I'm not really that good, am I!'

Woo Hoo!! Welcome to the world of self-doubt. We've all lived here!

2. Your Feeling May Be Limited to Some Domains

Digging deeper, you'll realise that most often, you may feel this 'lack of deservingness,' in some domains while not in others. In fact, in some other domains, you may feel as though you deserve more!

For example, you may feel you didn't deserve that award at work and that you got it only because people were being nice. Yet, back at home, you might feel you deserve more attention from your spouse, or that by now, you should've got a bigger home and better car.

So the feeling of being impostors is not an absolute one. Depending on where you are in life, you may feel like an impostor in one space and not another.

3. More People Feel It Than you Realise

Finally, we must understand one thing about humans. Not all humans are comfortable expressing their innermost feelings. Even if several people feel that they're faking this, only few will admit it, to themselves and to others. So if you're feeling like you're the only suffering, let me assure you, there's more to human psychology than meets the eye.

Conclusion

While I absolutely believe in the tremendous work that's been done in this field and laud people for sharing how they feel, my hope is that this article gives you some comfort that it's okay to feel a little bit of self-doubt sometimes! All of us come across moments when we feel like we don't belong. There's usually a very logical reason that explains how you feel, and you needn't label yourself as someone who's suffering. If you'd like to work with me as your coach, or if you'd like me to come over to your firm for a talk, please reach out to me. Finally, if you enjoyed reading this, please leave me a comment or share it with someone who might benefit from it. We need to spread more confidence and clarity.

About Me:

I’m an executive coach, who's also a senior leader in the financial services industry. During my 25 years of corporate experience, I've held substantial leadership roles in prestigious firms such as HSBC, Barclays and BSkyB. I’m also a published author, global speaker, a Udemy instructor, a marathon finisher and of course - a single mom, that last one being the real marathon! You can contact me here.